I will be doing a lot of writing and researching the next three years that I am in seminary, so I will possibly be posting things periodically that I find neat or cool.
In Dr. J. Robert Clinton's book, The Making of a Leader, he describes different stages of development in a leader. The first stage he labels as “sovereign foundations.” These are times in our lives that were beyond our control, yet God used to shape us into the people we become. Three of the sovereign foundations in my personal life include: Family, Age of Understanding, and Church. Below are three things that I came up with that we sovereign foundations.
Family:
I was the first child born to two very young, though married, parents. This caused me to be the experimental child. I was always the guinea pig that paved the way for my siblings. Everything I had they had at a younger age. Due to all this, I was the result of my parents inexperience – something I wouldn't trade for anything.
My family has gone through and is still going through all kinds of hardships. I have even seen my parents go through significant spiritual growth despite impossible amounts of misfortunes. As a matter of fact, my dad really accepted the reality of Christ after he should have died. When I was around 10 years old or so my dad literally blew himself up. While standing in a pool of water, he cut into a main, live, electrical wire after his foreman told him the power was shut off. His nomex suit was completely burned off, and as he crawled out of the hole all he heard was people saying “he's dead.” Then, people started beating him to the ground and when he asked why, they told him he was on fire. He left without wounds (beyond losing part of an eyebrow and some hair), and for the first time in my life I saw my dad crying as he told the story. . . in church.
Things were not easy from there either. I have seen financial struggle, family struggle, and physical struggle as I grew up. One of the things my parents taught me was that life is so much more than being book smart. Intelligence in my family was measured by common sense and the ability to survive and make wise decisions in any circumstance. I feel that I have gotten a firm understanding on many things in the world because of the struggles my family has gone through. God has shown me and taught me many things, not always good things, but useful things.
Age of Understanding:
I can remember the specific moment in my life when Christianity all made sense to me. It was when I was in a Sunday School class at twelve years old. I was thinking about Hell and the eternal consequences of not following Jesus. Prior to that moment I had understood and knew who Jesus was, but it was never something that was personal or made a lot of sense to me. For some reason everything clicked. In my twelve year old mind I knew that “I did not want to burn and burn and burn for ever and ever and ever.” More interestingly, I also realized that I wouldn't wish that punishment on anyone, even the people I disliked most or the people that hurt me most. There was no single person I could think of that I wished to go to Hell. God gave me an understanding that the consequences of not following Him were severe, and that I should never wish anyone to an eternal damnation.
Church:
I first started going to me church when I was in first grade with my grandmother. This made me the first person in my house to start attending church regularly. I have gone to the same church ever since, and I have always called it home. All the programs at my small church helped to guide me spiritually. Furthermore, I have seen my church grow to over three times the size that it used to be. I've seen them purchase a new expansion, and develop ministries. Watching my church grow from something so small is something that I don't think many people get to experience at such a young age. I saw my pastor take over the church and use dynamic leadership to push it in a direction that God saw fit. More importantly, I have seen my pastor personally go through a number of high stress situations and handle them like a champion of God.
Now, this same church is providing me with a place to exercise and develop my ministerial gifts. They have given me places of leadership that I once joked about having when I was much younger. I never told anyone that I someday thought it would be cool to come and take over the youth group. The only person that knew was God. Who could have guessed that I would go to school and get a degree in computer science just so that I could come back and actually take over a significant part of the youth ministry and young adult ministry? God used my church and my attendance there to direct me to the point that I am now attending a seminary in order to seek ordination and work full time in ministry.
So there you have it. Three things that were beyond my control that shaped me into who I am. This post is in some ways related to my post about scars and how each of us develops our own story. Thus, the challenge this time is very predictable: What are your sovereign foundations?
Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zach Haas
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Friday, September 2, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Mother's Day
Last year when I started my blog it was after Mother's Day hod come and past. Those of you who have followed me or read up will possibly remember that I made a post about Father's Day and my dad. Therefore, it only seems fair for me to write a post about Mother's Day and my mom.
Theoretically, it is possibly for a person to not have a father, or at least not have a father they can find physically. Science can do some crazy things, and let's not forget the virgin birth. However, as far as I know, it is not possible to not have a mother. Some of us have less than average mothers, others have great ones. I have been blessed to have a great mother who is still married to my father after something like 24 years.
For the most part my mom has been a stay at home mom. She was able to spend lots of time with me and my two siblings. I could not be more thankful for the things that I was able to learn from her and her experience. Despite being a very young mother who probably had a ton of things to learn herself, she was able to pass on numerous teachings that I may not have ever learned elsewhere. I learned to cook, clean, wash dishes, do laundry, vacuum, and generally take care of myself from my mother. Not only did I learn how to take care of myself, but I learned how to take care of a family and other people as many of the things I just mentioned I had to do for 5 people.
It's funny how much wisdom you really do gain with age. When I was growing up I hated chores as most children do. I would put up a fuss and try to get my siblings to do my work or blame them for household uncleanliness (though, I once proved they they were the cause of most of the mess, and if you look at my room now it is still the cleanest of the three). However, around the time I turned 19 or 20 I was struck with a funny realization. All those things my mom forced me to do when I was growing up shaped me into the person I had become. Amazingly, I was able to look back at the things I often hated and be thankful. I was so glad my mom had made me do all those things because I was then able to do them on my own. I have seen a number of people who lack these skills I learned from my mom. As a young adult, I am able to look back on the things my mom taught me and fully appreciate them. Even now, I write this from my parents basement. However, I believe that for right now I am here by choice. I'll admit that I am sure there is still a ton for me to learn, but I feel fully equipped by my mother's teach to live on my own. I feel more equipped growing up with her than I ever could have felt after 4 years of college.
Though our family has a strange way of showing love perhaps, and our social interactions with each other possible abnormal from the traditional "good" family, I am thankful for it all. Somehow things work out for us and we generally get along. I have no regrets with how I grew up, and honestly cannot think of many ways that I would have changed things. Everything that I learned and went through has built me to be the person I am now.
Mother's Day was now a couple of days ago, but I had been too busy or distracted to make a post then. I still learn new things from my mom. Still learn new things to cook, and still learn new ways to do things. And I am still thankful for her and what she does. The last 5 or 7 years have been particularly rough on our family and probably especially on her. I cannot imagine what it would be like to watch your husband go through the things my dad has gone through, but somehow my mom manages to stay strong and trust God even when she wonders what on earth God is doing. I am glad my parents are Christians and that they have raised me to be so too (even if I started going to church before they did).
Mother's Day is certainly a time to remember and reflect on the things your mom has done for you. If you do not have a mother or something like that, make sure you are learning to become a better mother, or make sure you are learning to respect your future wife as the mother she may one day become. God bless mothers, and God bless mine.
Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zach Haas
Theoretically, it is possibly for a person to not have a father, or at least not have a father they can find physically. Science can do some crazy things, and let's not forget the virgin birth. However, as far as I know, it is not possible to not have a mother. Some of us have less than average mothers, others have great ones. I have been blessed to have a great mother who is still married to my father after something like 24 years.
For the most part my mom has been a stay at home mom. She was able to spend lots of time with me and my two siblings. I could not be more thankful for the things that I was able to learn from her and her experience. Despite being a very young mother who probably had a ton of things to learn herself, she was able to pass on numerous teachings that I may not have ever learned elsewhere. I learned to cook, clean, wash dishes, do laundry, vacuum, and generally take care of myself from my mother. Not only did I learn how to take care of myself, but I learned how to take care of a family and other people as many of the things I just mentioned I had to do for 5 people.
It's funny how much wisdom you really do gain with age. When I was growing up I hated chores as most children do. I would put up a fuss and try to get my siblings to do my work or blame them for household uncleanliness (though, I once proved they they were the cause of most of the mess, and if you look at my room now it is still the cleanest of the three). However, around the time I turned 19 or 20 I was struck with a funny realization. All those things my mom forced me to do when I was growing up shaped me into the person I had become. Amazingly, I was able to look back at the things I often hated and be thankful. I was so glad my mom had made me do all those things because I was then able to do them on my own. I have seen a number of people who lack these skills I learned from my mom. As a young adult, I am able to look back on the things my mom taught me and fully appreciate them. Even now, I write this from my parents basement. However, I believe that for right now I am here by choice. I'll admit that I am sure there is still a ton for me to learn, but I feel fully equipped by my mother's teach to live on my own. I feel more equipped growing up with her than I ever could have felt after 4 years of college.
Though our family has a strange way of showing love perhaps, and our social interactions with each other possible abnormal from the traditional "good" family, I am thankful for it all. Somehow things work out for us and we generally get along. I have no regrets with how I grew up, and honestly cannot think of many ways that I would have changed things. Everything that I learned and went through has built me to be the person I am now.
Mother's Day was now a couple of days ago, but I had been too busy or distracted to make a post then. I still learn new things from my mom. Still learn new things to cook, and still learn new ways to do things. And I am still thankful for her and what she does. The last 5 or 7 years have been particularly rough on our family and probably especially on her. I cannot imagine what it would be like to watch your husband go through the things my dad has gone through, but somehow my mom manages to stay strong and trust God even when she wonders what on earth God is doing. I am glad my parents are Christians and that they have raised me to be so too (even if I started going to church before they did).
Mother's Day is certainly a time to remember and reflect on the things your mom has done for you. If you do not have a mother or something like that, make sure you are learning to become a better mother, or make sure you are learning to respect your future wife as the mother she may one day become. God bless mothers, and God bless mine.
Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zach Haas
Monday, July 12, 2010
Sunday Day of Adventure
I have two main "goals" that I want to accomplish by the end of summer. They are to go paintballing and wakeboarding. Saturday I was going to go paintballing for the first time ever, but it ended up storming and I couldn't go. BUMMER! Sunday, my Pastor started a new series that seems to be interesting. It's actually part of a series that goes along with a book that will go along with some small groups that will be forming in our church. It's cool to seem my church branching out in such a way. For the most part they don't do a whole lot of small group stuff, so it's neat to be able to see that growth. Unfortunately, I can't really be a part of the small groups because by the time they start I will be going back to class. Thats okay though, I am thoroughly enjoying the young adult group that was started at my church. We had an unexpected guest two weeks ago start attending. He was a guy that I used to go to school with and haven't seen in 4 years. I always viewed him as kinda a punk who was way into alcohol in drugs. I can't say that he's changed (because I don't know) but he definitely is deeper than I would have originally thought. To be honest, I was uncomfortable with him being there the first week. It was actually kind of selfish of me to be uncomfortable. In my mind, this is my small group. I want it to be full of hardcore passionate Christians so that I can grow. Thankfully, the second week he came I was much more comfortable. I have no idea why he is coming, it really doesn't seem like a place he'd normally go. However, he is going on his on free will. He does rarely attend church on Sundays, but I think thats just because his girlfriend and girlfriends mom sometimes come. Either way, it is kinda cool that he is coming. Perhaps we can really reach out to him and he will experience something amazing through our little group.
Anyway, after church there was a birthday party for a little girl who attends our church (she turned 13). At her birthday party my parents got talking to some of their friends from church and ended up making a play date at their house. They live on a sizable pond and own a boat. Of course, my first question was is if they had a wake board. Disappointingly they didn't, however, they did have water skis, a double tube, a knee board, and "airchair"??? I figured well, this is better than nothing and I can even try slalom skiing -- which I figured has got to be close to wakeboarding.
I had only been water skiing once before so I am no pro by any means and the first time I did it after I got up I had no idea what I was doing. I got up after the second try and was able to go over 2.5 miles and go in and out of the wake a view times before falling. I couldn't believe how tired it made my legs. My brother then tried with limited success. Then my mom tried, and the last time I saw her try was a few years ago during my first try. After a number of falls she never got up back then and ended up with a nice bruise. Yesterday, she ended up getting up for a little bit and was satisfied with only a mild bruise on her arm. Then, surprisingly my dad decided he had to try once. I don't even know how long it's been since he went water skiing last. I knew three things right off the bat. One, my dad used to be really good at water skiing. Two, he is no where NEAR the shape that he used to be in. Three, my dad is recovering from a back injury and going to PT for it. They told him he can do whatever he wants until it starts to hurt. So, here is an old "pro" who hasn't skied in forever who is out of shape and has a hurt back. Well, that didn't stop my dad. He got up on the first try! This was amazing. It was like watching my dad from a past life. I haven't seen my dad do anything like this in my ENTIRE LIFE! The closest thing I've seen him do was a small wheelie on a motorcycle. Anyway, he went for a few miles and even tried a slalom course. Shortly afterwards, I think he started to feel it on his back, but he wasn't going to go down without a bang. Before quitting he tried to kick off one ski and begin a single ski run. This only lasted a few seconds before he couldn't place his back foot and fell into the water -- unharmed. This was a spectacle to see. Certainly I was impressed and this was beyond anything I could have imagine. He got up like he was riding a bike, weaving in and out of the wake way better than I could and I am half his age (probably my age is the last time he water skied!). Before I end with my Dad's tail I would like to mention he is certainly not over the "loss" of Zoey, his granddaughter. My sister got on video chat with Zoey the other day, and my mom said my dad couldn't really watch it without crying. And that he didn't want to let "her" (Zoey? My sister?) see him cry. So yea... he's still not doing too well there.
After water skiing me and my brother got on the double tube and had the ride of our life. The guy driving the boat loved to try and knock people off. The first time I was only knocked off cause my brother landed on me and I was like what the crap is on me... oh... its Andrew. The second time we were on there was a time that my brother was like falling off with one arm. I wanted to keep the ride going and I saw his one arm go up... So I held on with my right hand as hard as I could and with my left hand I forced his hand on and was like hang on brother. It was pretty epic and they were watching from the boat. After it was all done my mom said I don't think you two have had that much fun together in a long time... if ever. Shes probably right... and the saving my brother thing was pretty fun and entertaining. My mom was like "well now you can't say you never saved your brothers life" haha.
After this, my brother tried water skiing again with limited success, and I tried slalom skiing (one ski). To my disappointment, and despite it looking easier, I could not get up. I may have been tired, but I was sad that I couldn't to get up. I figured it was the closest thing I could do to wake boarding... but oh well maybe next time.
The last thing I tried was something called an air chair. Now this is a crazy experience. I cannot describe the contraption in words so a picture is going to have to say a thousand for me.
When you get that thing up out of the water it's crazy. It was really hard to get up in the first place but I think that if I could have gotten it up I more often I could have figured it out better. Anyway.. you are like weightless on top of that thing. You feel like you are flying and you even LOOK like you are flying. Then, like in the picture you can make it jump and flip and stuff. The thing looks incredibly dangerous and I was reallllly wary about getting on it. I don't like the idea of being strapped in or constrained that tightly. I like being free and able to escape if need be in any situation. But once I was actually trying it, it felt really safe.
In the end, I forgot one really big thing. I get sick when I get too much water up my nose. So last night I could barely sleep, and today, even now I can barely breathe... even with Claritan D (sp?). I will be ok in a few days, but it really messes with my sinus. This happened to me last year when I went whitewater kayaking. It sucks, but I'll live, and for the most part it was worth it. Especially to see my dad having such a good time, and for letting my mom see me and my brother together enjoying life and not fighting/arguing.
Sorry this post didn't have much to do with God. But then again, everything doesn't have to be directly about God. God wants us to enjoy life, we (my family) were enjoying God's creation using man's technology through God given minds. Besides, I am still contemplating a future blog that I mentioned last time. Enjoy Life!
Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zachary Haas
Anyway, after church there was a birthday party for a little girl who attends our church (she turned 13). At her birthday party my parents got talking to some of their friends from church and ended up making a play date at their house. They live on a sizable pond and own a boat. Of course, my first question was is if they had a wake board. Disappointingly they didn't, however, they did have water skis, a double tube, a knee board, and "airchair"??? I figured well, this is better than nothing and I can even try slalom skiing -- which I figured has got to be close to wakeboarding.
I had only been water skiing once before so I am no pro by any means and the first time I did it after I got up I had no idea what I was doing. I got up after the second try and was able to go over 2.5 miles and go in and out of the wake a view times before falling. I couldn't believe how tired it made my legs. My brother then tried with limited success. Then my mom tried, and the last time I saw her try was a few years ago during my first try. After a number of falls she never got up back then and ended up with a nice bruise. Yesterday, she ended up getting up for a little bit and was satisfied with only a mild bruise on her arm. Then, surprisingly my dad decided he had to try once. I don't even know how long it's been since he went water skiing last. I knew three things right off the bat. One, my dad used to be really good at water skiing. Two, he is no where NEAR the shape that he used to be in. Three, my dad is recovering from a back injury and going to PT for it. They told him he can do whatever he wants until it starts to hurt. So, here is an old "pro" who hasn't skied in forever who is out of shape and has a hurt back. Well, that didn't stop my dad. He got up on the first try! This was amazing. It was like watching my dad from a past life. I haven't seen my dad do anything like this in my ENTIRE LIFE! The closest thing I've seen him do was a small wheelie on a motorcycle. Anyway, he went for a few miles and even tried a slalom course. Shortly afterwards, I think he started to feel it on his back, but he wasn't going to go down without a bang. Before quitting he tried to kick off one ski and begin a single ski run. This only lasted a few seconds before he couldn't place his back foot and fell into the water -- unharmed. This was a spectacle to see. Certainly I was impressed and this was beyond anything I could have imagine. He got up like he was riding a bike, weaving in and out of the wake way better than I could and I am half his age (probably my age is the last time he water skied!). Before I end with my Dad's tail I would like to mention he is certainly not over the "loss" of Zoey, his granddaughter. My sister got on video chat with Zoey the other day, and my mom said my dad couldn't really watch it without crying. And that he didn't want to let "her" (Zoey? My sister?) see him cry. So yea... he's still not doing too well there.
After water skiing me and my brother got on the double tube and had the ride of our life. The guy driving the boat loved to try and knock people off. The first time I was only knocked off cause my brother landed on me and I was like what the crap is on me... oh... its Andrew. The second time we were on there was a time that my brother was like falling off with one arm. I wanted to keep the ride going and I saw his one arm go up... So I held on with my right hand as hard as I could and with my left hand I forced his hand on and was like hang on brother. It was pretty epic and they were watching from the boat. After it was all done my mom said I don't think you two have had that much fun together in a long time... if ever. Shes probably right... and the saving my brother thing was pretty fun and entertaining. My mom was like "well now you can't say you never saved your brothers life" haha.
After this, my brother tried water skiing again with limited success, and I tried slalom skiing (one ski). To my disappointment, and despite it looking easier, I could not get up. I may have been tired, but I was sad that I couldn't to get up. I figured it was the closest thing I could do to wake boarding... but oh well maybe next time.
The last thing I tried was something called an air chair. Now this is a crazy experience. I cannot describe the contraption in words so a picture is going to have to say a thousand for me.
When you get that thing up out of the water it's crazy. It was really hard to get up in the first place but I think that if I could have gotten it up I more often I could have figured it out better. Anyway.. you are like weightless on top of that thing. You feel like you are flying and you even LOOK like you are flying. Then, like in the picture you can make it jump and flip and stuff. The thing looks incredibly dangerous and I was reallllly wary about getting on it. I don't like the idea of being strapped in or constrained that tightly. I like being free and able to escape if need be in any situation. But once I was actually trying it, it felt really safe.
In the end, I forgot one really big thing. I get sick when I get too much water up my nose. So last night I could barely sleep, and today, even now I can barely breathe... even with Claritan D (sp?). I will be ok in a few days, but it really messes with my sinus. This happened to me last year when I went whitewater kayaking. It sucks, but I'll live, and for the most part it was worth it. Especially to see my dad having such a good time, and for letting my mom see me and my brother together enjoying life and not fighting/arguing.
Sorry this post didn't have much to do with God. But then again, everything doesn't have to be directly about God. God wants us to enjoy life, we (my family) were enjoying God's creation using man's technology through God given minds. Besides, I am still contemplating a future blog that I mentioned last time. Enjoy Life!
Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zachary Haas
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Sister Moved Out Yesterday
In lieu of my wanting to clarify myself yesterday I did not have a chance to tell you about the "earthquake" that has left my house in emotional ruin. I will not attempt to explain my family to you. Even I do not understand how we work and things. All I will say is that we are VERY different than many families. The way we show love, affection, appreciation are all very different. Yesterday my sister moved out taking her daughter with her.
For the past 13 months my parents have been raising a child -- their grandchild. They have really been the parents for her as my sister has been finishing school and going to work. Both of my parents have been stuck at home doing nothing since February (my mom is a stay at home mom/house taker and my dad has been injured and out of work since Feb.) Last time my dad was hurt and out of work he got a puppy that he fell in love with He actually cried a little when we had to put the puppy in a kennel for the first time. This time my dad has done nothing but spend time with this little baby Zoey. Not only did my dad and mom lose a daughter because she is running away, they lost the baby that they have been with constantly for months. I have only seen my dad upset a few times. Once with the puppy, once when he was explaining how God literally miraculously save his life beyond all doubt after cutting into a live electrical wire shin deep in water in front of our church, (run on sentence, I really don't care right now) and once this last time when he said bye to Zoey. A child should never have to see their father upset to the point of tears, and whats worse, all fathers are proud and never want their children to see that. But my dad (and mom) but my dad was more broken yesterday than I have ever seen him in my life combined. He had to go to physical training yesterday and as he was walking out the door (I could tell he'd been crying and incredibly distraught for I don't know how long) he tried to turn to Zoey who was in my moms arms to wave good bye to her for the last time. He said "Goodbye Zoe-Zoe" and tried to give a little wave to her. Zoey then reached her arms out to him to be held by her "pop-pop" but my dad couldn't take it. I heard a stifled, sadness stricken gasp leave his throat as turned and left. My mom was also deeply upsetted by this and I was sitting on the couch while this happened. I was getting ready to go to work. I could have had the worst day of work ever, heck, I could have been fired that day and it wouldn't have even scratched the sadness I saw in my parents. I tried hiding my tears and acting tough but on the inside I was breaking too. This poor baby... my poor parents. I could still tell they were very upset when I got home hours later from work. They had put all the baby stuff away... it was too hard to look at. Today, the house was silent for the first time in 13 months. There was no noise. Just a solemn atmosphere. My parents were in better shape, but my mom commented on how weird and hard it was to deal with the silence. She had been used to it before, but she worries what it will be like when my dad goes back to work. We all think that Amber (my sister) is being incredibly stupid. But that clearly has not caused them to not love her still. I even believe that she is already forgiven, though she doesn't see that. Perhaps she will pull a prodigal son, but perhaps not. I think its what many people are praying for, and my dad seems to believe it more and more.
This is kinda ridiculous, but is almost a small attempt at humor. The first thing I noticed about Amber and Zoey being gone was that (besides no toys to step on lol) when I went to get some mac and cheese (from a box) I got a lot more... 2 people wouldn't be eating it. I'd like to say this was a good thing (I mean, I do love mac and cheese and in a awful way it was good) but the pain that I've seen in my family would cause me to have given all my mac and cheese to someone.
There is one thing that is still kinda cool about this whole thing. And thats God. I can see my parents still reaching to God even after all this. And my church is providing great support to them. Honestly, my parents need friends... they have needed them for as long as I can remember. We rarely have people over and my parents just need "buds". I hope that the church members come even closer to them than ever before. In my mind, this is the best thing that could happen from this situation and I would see that as a blessing from God. As for me, I am doing ok. But, I've been at school for the past year... I don't have the same relationship with Amber and especially Zoey like the rest of my family does.
Pray for my family again. Especially for my parents. I can't know the pain they are feeling and other things they are feeling. I pray I never have to because what I can imagine is some of the worst feelings known to man. If you really think about it. Death is better than abandonment. Death is not a choice... abandonment is an action. Abandoning love... this has to be absolutely detestable to God. God hates divorce... I can only imagine why :'(
Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zach Haas
P.S. I'm sorry this was likely a difficult post to read. Trust me, it was a difficult post to write, I had to stop and take a moment even.
For the past 13 months my parents have been raising a child -- their grandchild. They have really been the parents for her as my sister has been finishing school and going to work. Both of my parents have been stuck at home doing nothing since February (my mom is a stay at home mom/house taker and my dad has been injured and out of work since Feb.) Last time my dad was hurt and out of work he got a puppy that he fell in love with He actually cried a little when we had to put the puppy in a kennel for the first time. This time my dad has done nothing but spend time with this little baby Zoey. Not only did my dad and mom lose a daughter because she is running away, they lost the baby that they have been with constantly for months. I have only seen my dad upset a few times. Once with the puppy, once when he was explaining how God literally miraculously save his life beyond all doubt after cutting into a live electrical wire shin deep in water in front of our church, (run on sentence, I really don't care right now) and once this last time when he said bye to Zoey. A child should never have to see their father upset to the point of tears, and whats worse, all fathers are proud and never want their children to see that. But my dad (and mom) but my dad was more broken yesterday than I have ever seen him in my life combined. He had to go to physical training yesterday and as he was walking out the door (I could tell he'd been crying and incredibly distraught for I don't know how long) he tried to turn to Zoey who was in my moms arms to wave good bye to her for the last time. He said "Goodbye Zoe-Zoe" and tried to give a little wave to her. Zoey then reached her arms out to him to be held by her "pop-pop" but my dad couldn't take it. I heard a stifled, sadness stricken gasp leave his throat as turned and left. My mom was also deeply upsetted by this and I was sitting on the couch while this happened. I was getting ready to go to work. I could have had the worst day of work ever, heck, I could have been fired that day and it wouldn't have even scratched the sadness I saw in my parents. I tried hiding my tears and acting tough but on the inside I was breaking too. This poor baby... my poor parents. I could still tell they were very upset when I got home hours later from work. They had put all the baby stuff away... it was too hard to look at. Today, the house was silent for the first time in 13 months. There was no noise. Just a solemn atmosphere. My parents were in better shape, but my mom commented on how weird and hard it was to deal with the silence. She had been used to it before, but she worries what it will be like when my dad goes back to work. We all think that Amber (my sister) is being incredibly stupid. But that clearly has not caused them to not love her still. I even believe that she is already forgiven, though she doesn't see that. Perhaps she will pull a prodigal son, but perhaps not. I think its what many people are praying for, and my dad seems to believe it more and more.
This is kinda ridiculous, but is almost a small attempt at humor. The first thing I noticed about Amber and Zoey being gone was that (besides no toys to step on lol) when I went to get some mac and cheese (from a box) I got a lot more... 2 people wouldn't be eating it. I'd like to say this was a good thing (I mean, I do love mac and cheese and in a awful way it was good) but the pain that I've seen in my family would cause me to have given all my mac and cheese to someone.
There is one thing that is still kinda cool about this whole thing. And thats God. I can see my parents still reaching to God even after all this. And my church is providing great support to them. Honestly, my parents need friends... they have needed them for as long as I can remember. We rarely have people over and my parents just need "buds". I hope that the church members come even closer to them than ever before. In my mind, this is the best thing that could happen from this situation and I would see that as a blessing from God. As for me, I am doing ok. But, I've been at school for the past year... I don't have the same relationship with Amber and especially Zoey like the rest of my family does.
Pray for my family again. Especially for my parents. I can't know the pain they are feeling and other things they are feeling. I pray I never have to because what I can imagine is some of the worst feelings known to man. If you really think about it. Death is better than abandonment. Death is not a choice... abandonment is an action. Abandoning love... this has to be absolutely detestable to God. God hates divorce... I can only imagine why :'(
Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zach Haas
P.S. I'm sorry this was likely a difficult post to read. Trust me, it was a difficult post to write, I had to stop and take a moment even.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Back in the Day
Today two big things happened. The first was that I had to save a women from drowning herself despite wearing a life jacket. She jumped into the river and got water up her nose. She didn't know how to swim and this freaked her out; she couldn't figure out why the life jacket wasn't saving her. Well, for those of you that have ever worn a life jacket, at least a class 3 pdf, should know that there is some work involved. Basically when you wear a life jacket your body floats. not necessarily your head. This is a problem when you need to keep your head up to breathe. All you need to do is keep your legs underneath you and you will be able to float with no work. Instead she let her legs float behind her causing her to have her face under water. Then I saw it, the feeble hand fly in the air for help. A few more seconds and cpr may have been necessary. Instead, I jumped in, and really I think it was instinct (or God) that told me that getting her on her back was the best thing to do. So I flipped her over and swam her to shore. She was fine and nothing bad happened. I saved the day, Hooray!
The second big thing, or very boring thing was my sisters graduation. Graduations are the most boring thing in the world. I can't believe I am going to graduate with over 2.5x as many people as there were tonight. Anyway, as I was ignoring the dozen speakers talking about how great there school is and how great a few select students were I was thinking. I was thinking about how cool some kids thought they were. I was thinking about all the things that I remembered that I thought mattered. When I look back, nothing in high school really mattered. We cared about girls and relationships, who was popular, the basketball teams record, which high school rock band was the best etc. Now, all those things and more have faded and literally mean nothing in my life. It's weird to think of things that once meant so much to us and had so much value that now we couldn't care less about. I imagine after college will be similar, and that life will always be that way. Wherever you are at that time of your life your experiences will seem so important. It was just really interesting I guess. It's not a new concept by any means; our parents always told us not to worry about high school drama. Of course, they were right but we never understood then. I understand now and its just a bit bizarre. Life is one crazy experience.
So what does this mean? Does this mean that we shouldn't be concerned with our present situation because it won't matter in the future? Well . . . not exactly. The point is we need to be able to discern what is important and what is trivial. We can't focus on the things that won't matter to us later in life. However, there are plenty of things we come across that will matter later in life. Things like who we date in high school, and who won the thanksgiving tournament your junior year of basketball, are likely trivial when compared with getting good grades and reading the Bible. Speaking of reading the Bible . . . I think I am going to go read 1 Thessalonians chapter 1.
My challenge for you is to think of some things that you used to think were important. Maybe it was a fad, or a style of clothing. Give yourself a good laugh. Then think of things that you used to think were important and still do think are important. This will give you a good place to start when looking for things that really matter in life. :)
Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zachary Haas
The second big thing, or very boring thing was my sisters graduation. Graduations are the most boring thing in the world. I can't believe I am going to graduate with over 2.5x as many people as there were tonight. Anyway, as I was ignoring the dozen speakers talking about how great there school is and how great a few select students were I was thinking. I was thinking about how cool some kids thought they were. I was thinking about all the things that I remembered that I thought mattered. When I look back, nothing in high school really mattered. We cared about girls and relationships, who was popular, the basketball teams record, which high school rock band was the best etc. Now, all those things and more have faded and literally mean nothing in my life. It's weird to think of things that once meant so much to us and had so much value that now we couldn't care less about. I imagine after college will be similar, and that life will always be that way. Wherever you are at that time of your life your experiences will seem so important. It was just really interesting I guess. It's not a new concept by any means; our parents always told us not to worry about high school drama. Of course, they were right but we never understood then. I understand now and its just a bit bizarre. Life is one crazy experience.
So what does this mean? Does this mean that we shouldn't be concerned with our present situation because it won't matter in the future? Well . . . not exactly. The point is we need to be able to discern what is important and what is trivial. We can't focus on the things that won't matter to us later in life. However, there are plenty of things we come across that will matter later in life. Things like who we date in high school, and who won the thanksgiving tournament your junior year of basketball, are likely trivial when compared with getting good grades and reading the Bible. Speaking of reading the Bible . . . I think I am going to go read 1 Thessalonians chapter 1.
My challenge for you is to think of some things that you used to think were important. Maybe it was a fad, or a style of clothing. Give yourself a good laugh. Then think of things that you used to think were important and still do think are important. This will give you a good place to start when looking for things that really matter in life. :)
Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zachary Haas
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Tired, which causes depressing thoughts
Today was the second day that I have started working full time. I recently found out that I am going to be making $11 an hour. This is $1.25 more than I was making last year, I was thinking that I would be quite happy with $10.50! Praise the Lord. I think that I actually got a little sick at my sisters graduation party from being in the chlorine to much. Also, I have been seeing an incredible amount of sun the past 4 days and my body is not used to it at all.
My sister moves away in 1 week. This is crazy. I am slightly annoyed by her because she is the youngest in our family and is doing everything first. Having a baby, moving out, likely getting married first. Part of me honestly feels like some of my birthright was taken away. I have a younger grandmother that we call granny. I always wanted to be able to make her Great-Granny. (I forgot I had an older cousin that beat me to it, but I could have been the first in my family) Its very hard to not view my sister as completely stupid -- even right now. I have no idea what she is thinking. She is driven by obsession with a boy. I heard a Taylor Swift song the other day that made me think of her. It was called Fifteen. Now my sister will be 18 in a month and is essentially running away from home. There's nothing anyone can do to stop her, and she already has a plane ticket. The poor baby... my poor parents.
I feel most bad for my parents. Sure they aren't perfect, but they do try. They do love us and they work hard to give us good lives. They have three children. And really, I worry that I am there only real hope, especially by society standards. My sister is a contributor to teenage pregnancy who is running away Florida to be with a lazy good for nothing boy who probably doesn't really care much about her. But she thinks she knows what love is and is too blind to see him as anything but amazing. My brother is a college dropout after one semester of school. He constantly has a new girlfriend that has some kind of problem or trouble, generally in the emotional department. He's an overweight hypochondriac who works at a theme part 50 hours a week for not much over minimum wage. He doesn't really have a whole lot of skills elsewhere except for a waning love of children.
Then theres me. The good kid. The last chance and last hope. But wait... thats not right... I am the first born. How am I the last hope? I should have been the first success. Instead, I am the hope for the family. I was the one with nearly straight A's, the record breaking runner in high school, the president of the youth group, the child who went on a missions trip to Nicaragua, the kid going to a Christian university pulling decent enough grades, having a reasonable paying job thats relatively fun each summer. I am in the best shape, I have a great girlfriend that loves her family more than anything in the world and lacks emotional problems, I have all the potential. I am the one left to make my family look good. I am the one that makes my parents look like they get the credibility they deserver.
I hate fathers day. To me it is the biggest guilt trip of the year. I always feel like my dad worries he wasn't good enough. That he blames himself. That he didn't raise us well enough and give us good enough lives. My dad never took us fishing, or biking. We very very rarely went hiking and camping through my entire childhood. He almost never (until I spent time with him traveling for college visits) spent time with us one on one or played catch showed us how to work on cars. He never helped us build a treehouse or build anything for that matter. My dad never spent time in close devotion with us or teaching us about God, heck, I am probably part of the reason he started going to church (My dad is certainly a man of God now). My dad never really spent time teaching me anything. Am I bitter? Am I resentful? Do I wish I had a different, better, more intimate father?
Absolutely NOT. I have learned more from my parents than I have learned from any other source combined. They are very different that most parents. Our idea of fun was more going to the lake to swim, going to a theme park, going to the drive-in movies, or playing video games. Some of my best times with my father was watching him play creepy games like Resident Evil or Eternal Darkness. Anyone who says that video games cannot bring a family together does not know my family and are ignorant about video games. My parents are very different than most parents. My parents, my dad, never did the stereotypical things that great fathers do. But I would never say he was a bad father. Our dad wasn't the best at showing his love, but there is no doubt. He is a hard worker and provider. This is his way of showing his love. Does he regret working long hours for most of our childhood? Yes. Thats why he tells me to go to school so I can make money and work only 40 hours a week instead of 70. Physical touch is not something that is big in my family. If I tried to go give my dad a hug it would be one of the most awkward things ever. But I do not doubt that he cares for us. I don't need that perfect stereotype dad. I may love being outdoors, being active, and playing sports, but I also enjoy the things my dad did provide for us growing up. I was blessed with a friends father for the outdoor adventures.
I have learned so much from my family. I do not regret growing up with my parents, and I would not want to change to different parents and relive my life either. My family has taught me the value of practicality and reason. My dad is by far not the smartest man in the world. If anything he has a learning and reading disability. But that man has more common sense than most people I have met. I have learned that there are things in life that are more important than getting good grades and being smart. Being intelligent is important, but in my family we were raised to believe that common sense and practicality are equally if not more important. We often joke about "smart" people that we know in my house. Smart people meaning people who get straight A's and Valedictorians, and people that are just smart. We look at them and see how un-smart they really are when it comes to common sense. Being booksmart and passing tests does not make you a smart person. I know plenty of people that can pass a test and get straight A's that I would call incredibly stupid. My family has taught me so much about life. The way I look at life, the way I reason. I do not see things the same way as many people see them. I see things for what they are worth. I see the practicality in things. For example, expensive things to me are often ridiculous. When I look at sports cars I think of how ridiculous and pointless they are. There are some exceptions, like the Subaru WRX STI, which is a practical sports car. I'll take a $24,000 Subaru over a $70,000 Corvette any day. Actually, I'd take the Vette, sell it, buy a Subaru and put $46,000 in the bank. I was raised to see things for what they are truly worth, not what the world says they are worth.
I do not mind or see it as a bad thing or problem that I place a higher value on common sense than education. I believe there are two forms of intelligence, both of which are important. The first form is the education form. People in this form see knowledge of topics as very important. They see that succeeded in education leads to happiness and wealth. Generally people that do well in school do well in their career, family and life. To them schooling is important and shows your worth. The second form of intelligence is the practicality form. People in this form see common sense and application as very important. To them education is a piece of paper that says you can memorize a bunch of stuff and spit it back out. Generally people that know about life and how to deal and adapt to ever situation leads to a successful career, family, and life. To them, the ability to know how to live, how to adapt, and how to work hard using your instinct shows your worth. People in the first form use their acquired knowledge to succeeded and make decisions, where as people in the second form use their instinct and experience (and other people's experience) to make decisions. I and my family lean towards the second form. My girlfriend and her family lean towards the first, interesting eh? However, in order to avoid being ignorant and completely foolish a truly wise person knows both. I think everyone leans one way or another. I lean towards practicality and reasoning, however, I highly respect, value, and see the reasoning behind the other. I believe that a wise person develops skills in both areas. This is why I am able to value my girlfriends tendency to lean towards education and knowledge, especially because I know that she understands the value behind practicality and reason. I know that staying in school and getting good grades is a very practical and reasonable thing. I see its use and value for what its worth. However, I also see its problems.
Really quick example of a problem with education. Education puts under qualified people in positions over qualified people. My dad applied for a truck driving job after having driven for years. A young man got the job because he had a college degree in photography. Yea... you can take pictures... so that means you can drive a 6 ton 18 wheeler in the snow and try to park it in a spot 3 feet wider than the truck? Have fun taking pictures of the damage you just did. Another more personal issue. I am going to graduate with a technically better major than my roommate. This means that my piece of paper will say I am better than his piece of paper. However, he has years of experience over me and I am constantly asking for his help! But it is very possible and likely that a company could look at both of us and I would get the job because of that paper. Think about it... would you rather have Bill Gates (a college drop out) look at your computer and fix it, or me whos nearly done with a college degree in computer science? (I know, that last example has a few problems but you get the point)
Point being, I am happy and proud of my father. I do not need a silly day for that. It kills me every year when people are showing all these things that dads do that my dad has never done. I know that it makes him feel inadequate. But just because he is not a stereotypical frosted flakes dad does not mean he is inadequate. I don't need my dad to throw me a baseball, there are machines that can that. I need my dad to teach me how to live in this world, how to reason in this world, how to make intelligent decisions in every situation, how to see things for what they are really worth, and not see them the way they are advertised, how to work hard and raise a family, how to keep a head on your shoulders when your wife is going crazy because of bills, when your daughter is running away, and when your son drops out of college, when you are putting your last hope for a successful (at least in the eyes of most the world) child in your oldest child, when you keep losing a job to injuries and lack of education, and how to still try and be generous and willing when you have so little left to give. These are the things I need my dad to teach me. I need my dad, and I am happy and proud of him. Happy stupid Father's day dad, you're better than frosted flakes dad anyway.
Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zachary Haas
P.S. The frosted flakes dad thing is a crack at those dads that you see in commercials playing catch and then running over smiling tackling and hugging their sons. The stereotypical 'perfect' dad that makes great dads look inadequate.
P.S.S. Sorry for writing a book :\
My sister moves away in 1 week. This is crazy. I am slightly annoyed by her because she is the youngest in our family and is doing everything first. Having a baby, moving out, likely getting married first. Part of me honestly feels like some of my birthright was taken away. I have a younger grandmother that we call granny. I always wanted to be able to make her Great-Granny. (I forgot I had an older cousin that beat me to it, but I could have been the first in my family) Its very hard to not view my sister as completely stupid -- even right now. I have no idea what she is thinking. She is driven by obsession with a boy. I heard a Taylor Swift song the other day that made me think of her. It was called Fifteen. Now my sister will be 18 in a month and is essentially running away from home. There's nothing anyone can do to stop her, and she already has a plane ticket. The poor baby... my poor parents.
I feel most bad for my parents. Sure they aren't perfect, but they do try. They do love us and they work hard to give us good lives. They have three children. And really, I worry that I am there only real hope, especially by society standards. My sister is a contributor to teenage pregnancy who is running away Florida to be with a lazy good for nothing boy who probably doesn't really care much about her. But she thinks she knows what love is and is too blind to see him as anything but amazing. My brother is a college dropout after one semester of school. He constantly has a new girlfriend that has some kind of problem or trouble, generally in the emotional department. He's an overweight hypochondriac who works at a theme part 50 hours a week for not much over minimum wage. He doesn't really have a whole lot of skills elsewhere except for a waning love of children.
Then theres me. The good kid. The last chance and last hope. But wait... thats not right... I am the first born. How am I the last hope? I should have been the first success. Instead, I am the hope for the family. I was the one with nearly straight A's, the record breaking runner in high school, the president of the youth group, the child who went on a missions trip to Nicaragua, the kid going to a Christian university pulling decent enough grades, having a reasonable paying job thats relatively fun each summer. I am in the best shape, I have a great girlfriend that loves her family more than anything in the world and lacks emotional problems, I have all the potential. I am the one left to make my family look good. I am the one that makes my parents look like they get the credibility they deserver.
I hate fathers day. To me it is the biggest guilt trip of the year. I always feel like my dad worries he wasn't good enough. That he blames himself. That he didn't raise us well enough and give us good enough lives. My dad never took us fishing, or biking. We very very rarely went hiking and camping through my entire childhood. He almost never (until I spent time with him traveling for college visits) spent time with us one on one or played catch showed us how to work on cars. He never helped us build a treehouse or build anything for that matter. My dad never spent time in close devotion with us or teaching us about God, heck, I am probably part of the reason he started going to church (My dad is certainly a man of God now). My dad never really spent time teaching me anything. Am I bitter? Am I resentful? Do I wish I had a different, better, more intimate father?
Absolutely NOT. I have learned more from my parents than I have learned from any other source combined. They are very different that most parents. Our idea of fun was more going to the lake to swim, going to a theme park, going to the drive-in movies, or playing video games. Some of my best times with my father was watching him play creepy games like Resident Evil or Eternal Darkness. Anyone who says that video games cannot bring a family together does not know my family and are ignorant about video games. My parents are very different than most parents. My parents, my dad, never did the stereotypical things that great fathers do. But I would never say he was a bad father. Our dad wasn't the best at showing his love, but there is no doubt. He is a hard worker and provider. This is his way of showing his love. Does he regret working long hours for most of our childhood? Yes. Thats why he tells me to go to school so I can make money and work only 40 hours a week instead of 70. Physical touch is not something that is big in my family. If I tried to go give my dad a hug it would be one of the most awkward things ever. But I do not doubt that he cares for us. I don't need that perfect stereotype dad. I may love being outdoors, being active, and playing sports, but I also enjoy the things my dad did provide for us growing up. I was blessed with a friends father for the outdoor adventures.
I have learned so much from my family. I do not regret growing up with my parents, and I would not want to change to different parents and relive my life either. My family has taught me the value of practicality and reason. My dad is by far not the smartest man in the world. If anything he has a learning and reading disability. But that man has more common sense than most people I have met. I have learned that there are things in life that are more important than getting good grades and being smart. Being intelligent is important, but in my family we were raised to believe that common sense and practicality are equally if not more important. We often joke about "smart" people that we know in my house. Smart people meaning people who get straight A's and Valedictorians, and people that are just smart. We look at them and see how un-smart they really are when it comes to common sense. Being booksmart and passing tests does not make you a smart person. I know plenty of people that can pass a test and get straight A's that I would call incredibly stupid. My family has taught me so much about life. The way I look at life, the way I reason. I do not see things the same way as many people see them. I see things for what they are worth. I see the practicality in things. For example, expensive things to me are often ridiculous. When I look at sports cars I think of how ridiculous and pointless they are. There are some exceptions, like the Subaru WRX STI, which is a practical sports car. I'll take a $24,000 Subaru over a $70,000 Corvette any day. Actually, I'd take the Vette, sell it, buy a Subaru and put $46,000 in the bank. I was raised to see things for what they are truly worth, not what the world says they are worth.
I do not mind or see it as a bad thing or problem that I place a higher value on common sense than education. I believe there are two forms of intelligence, both of which are important. The first form is the education form. People in this form see knowledge of topics as very important. They see that succeeded in education leads to happiness and wealth. Generally people that do well in school do well in their career, family and life. To them schooling is important and shows your worth. The second form of intelligence is the practicality form. People in this form see common sense and application as very important. To them education is a piece of paper that says you can memorize a bunch of stuff and spit it back out. Generally people that know about life and how to deal and adapt to ever situation leads to a successful career, family, and life. To them, the ability to know how to live, how to adapt, and how to work hard using your instinct shows your worth. People in the first form use their acquired knowledge to succeeded and make decisions, where as people in the second form use their instinct and experience (and other people's experience) to make decisions. I and my family lean towards the second form. My girlfriend and her family lean towards the first, interesting eh? However, in order to avoid being ignorant and completely foolish a truly wise person knows both. I think everyone leans one way or another. I lean towards practicality and reasoning, however, I highly respect, value, and see the reasoning behind the other. I believe that a wise person develops skills in both areas. This is why I am able to value my girlfriends tendency to lean towards education and knowledge, especially because I know that she understands the value behind practicality and reason. I know that staying in school and getting good grades is a very practical and reasonable thing. I see its use and value for what its worth. However, I also see its problems.
Really quick example of a problem with education. Education puts under qualified people in positions over qualified people. My dad applied for a truck driving job after having driven for years. A young man got the job because he had a college degree in photography. Yea... you can take pictures... so that means you can drive a 6 ton 18 wheeler in the snow and try to park it in a spot 3 feet wider than the truck? Have fun taking pictures of the damage you just did. Another more personal issue. I am going to graduate with a technically better major than my roommate. This means that my piece of paper will say I am better than his piece of paper. However, he has years of experience over me and I am constantly asking for his help! But it is very possible and likely that a company could look at both of us and I would get the job because of that paper. Think about it... would you rather have Bill Gates (a college drop out) look at your computer and fix it, or me whos nearly done with a college degree in computer science? (I know, that last example has a few problems but you get the point)
Point being, I am happy and proud of my father. I do not need a silly day for that. It kills me every year when people are showing all these things that dads do that my dad has never done. I know that it makes him feel inadequate. But just because he is not a stereotypical frosted flakes dad does not mean he is inadequate. I don't need my dad to throw me a baseball, there are machines that can that. I need my dad to teach me how to live in this world, how to reason in this world, how to make intelligent decisions in every situation, how to see things for what they are really worth, and not see them the way they are advertised, how to work hard and raise a family, how to keep a head on your shoulders when your wife is going crazy because of bills, when your daughter is running away, and when your son drops out of college, when you are putting your last hope for a successful (at least in the eyes of most the world) child in your oldest child, when you keep losing a job to injuries and lack of education, and how to still try and be generous and willing when you have so little left to give. These are the things I need my dad to teach me. I need my dad, and I am happy and proud of him. Happy stupid Father's day dad, you're better than frosted flakes dad anyway.
Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zachary Haas
P.S. The frosted flakes dad thing is a crack at those dads that you see in commercials playing catch and then running over smiling tackling and hugging their sons. The stereotypical 'perfect' dad that makes great dads look inadequate.
P.S.S. Sorry for writing a book :\
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Dear God
I know that we are not really supposed to ask why. But I really can't think of anything else to say. Perhaps instead of asking why and putting your immaculate name into question, I'll ask what. God, what are you doing? Has our family still not been through enough? Is there still more that we must go through? What more is there that can happen?
God, 6-8 years ago our father was injured an unable to work for years. We struggled and fought the court rooms. We nearly lost everything and were relying on the government, church and friends to get through. Lord, then you blessed us with a court settlement, after we had given up on it and moved on, of 250,000. Were we not respectful with this money and gave 25,000 to the church? We didn't waste the money, unless catching up on years of debt is waste. Is it not against your will to live in debt? So why again God? What is the reason for the recent injury? He loves the job that he is at for once. He is able to be home and make a reasonable income. Now we are struggling beyond belief and making sacrifices. First was cable, next is internet and cell phones. God I understand that these are not necessities for the most part, and that we can live without them but this is only the start. If only money were the issue things would be bad, but not so bad. And still God we are trying to keep out faith in you.
Lord, the situation with my sister is unfathomable. It is depressing enough to imagine a 16 year old girl raising a baby in this day and age. But now she thinks that she has everything figured out. She is moving away to the opposite side of the country to live with her “boyfriend” who probably couldn't care less about her in reality. The poor baby is going with them and is going to have to live in that situation. Gd this is producing so much stress, mixed with the lack of income. And still we are trying to keep our faith in you.
God the biggest thing now is the small stuff. Are not the big things enough to test us? Have we not already been tested enough? We are at risk of losing the house if Dad doesn't go back to work soon. I saw my parents growing closer through the pool. They were really enjoying themselves and swimming near daily. This was not only something fun for them but healthy. Now it has a crack in it a leaking. What was this for? Then, one of the cars gets a cracked windshield and the other an oil leak. What are these for? How much more faith do we need to show? How much more testing can we take?
God my mom is stressed beyond belief. And I think that my Dad is close to it, though he is better at hiding it. They are nearing desperation. God I personally am doing all right. But then again, my life is mostly good. I have the scholarships I need, the grades are fine, and I have an amazing girlfriend that brings me joy despite being in Spain. But I worry about my parents. They are struggling and are starting to do things just to make it to the next day without near insanity. These mild joys and entertainments cannot sustain them long. God, my family is falling apart around me and there is nothing I can do. Nothing I can do but continue to pray to you. But why have you fallen silent on our household? How can I find answers from you in other parts of my life while my own families house falls apart? God, please show us what you are doing. Show us your power, your will and your reason. I honestly don't know how much more our family can take. We are a broken people who have nothing left but you or hopelessness. Lord God, please save us from certain hopelessness. We are desperate to make it with you, let alone glow through you.
Your friend, brother, and servant Lord,
-Zachary Haas
P.S. Please pray passionately for my family. These trials are tremendous and are becoming more difficult nearly hourly. Thank you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
