Revelations Through Ezekiel

A couple of months ago I became the leader of the young adult group at my local church. It wasn't really something that I expected to be leading, but instead something that I had planned on attending. However, the leadership that was doing it decided that it was too much for them to make the weekly commitment and the group would be disbanded if I did not step up and volunteer to take the position. I knew a couple that was currently not attending church or any kind of small group for growth. One of the couple was somewhat new to the faith and I knew that the group would be perfect for them, as I had enjoyed the time that I got to spend with other people my age. Thus, I saw the need for the group to continue.

I started the group by having a study on Dwight Robertson's book, You are God's Plan A. This seemed like the perfect fit for where everyone was in life. It went as well as any book study with a group of young adults goes. No one really had the book read so we struggled through the discussion. Not willing to try another book study yet, I moved to something different – the Bible. But, I couldn't get them to pick a book in the Bible to study. My goal for the group was not to have a teacher student relationship, but they kept turning to me to be a leader and pick a book. So I was at a loss.

However, then in one of our seminary assignments, I was struck by a couple of interesting verses in Ezekiel. I hadn't realized such interesting things were found in the book. On the other hand, I did remember a number of exceptionally awkward verses that would definitely lead to some rather unusual discussion. So I decided to lead the group through a study on Ezekiel . . . having no idea what was in store.

The first week went well as we had a blast observing the imagery used in Ezekiel's vision. Our first assignment was to draw our own rendition of the “creature” for the following week. This was a good time, but now we hit Ezekiel chapter 3, and we found our first bit of seriousness and profoundness. In particular we looked at the following verses:

Ezekiel’s Task as Watchman

16 At the end of seven days the word of the LORD came to me: 17 “Son of man, I have made you a watchman for the people of Israel; so hear the word I speak and give them warning from me. 18 When I say to a wicked person, ‘You will surely die,’ and you do not warn them or speak out to dissuade them from their evil ways in order to save their life, that wicked person will die for[b] their sin, and I will hold you accountable for their blood. 19 But if you do warn the wicked person and they do not turn from their wickedness or from their evil ways, they will die for their sin; but you will have saved yourself.

20 “Again, when a righteous person turns from their righteousness and does evil, and I put a stumbling block before them, they will die. Since you did not warn them, they will die for their sin. The righteous things that person did will not be remembered, and I will hold you accountable for their blood. 21 But if you do warn the righteous person not to sin and they do not sin, they will surely live because they took warning, and you will have saved yourself.”

22 The hand of the LORD was on me there, and he said to me, “Get up and go out to the plain, and there I will speak to you.” 23 So I got up and went out to the plain. And the glory of the LORD was standing there, like the glory I had seen by the Kebar River, and I fell facedown.

24 Then the Spirit came into me and raised me to my feet. He spoke to me and said: “Go, shut yourself inside your house. 25 And you, son of man, they will tie with ropes; you will be bound so that you cannot go out among the people. 26 I will make your tongue stick to the roof of your mouth so that you will be silent and unable to rebuke them, for they are a rebellious people. 27 But when I speak to you, I will open your mouth and you shall say to them, ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says.’ Whoever will listen let them listen, and whoever will refuse let them refuse; for they are a rebellious people.

We all sort of fell silent and didn't really know how to handle some of these verses. We were all kind of focusing and reflecting on the idea that we had perhaps missed a number of opportunities to share God's message . . . and would now be held responsible. What it means in the end to be held accountable for not warning people about sin we did not know, but we did know it could not be a good thing.

God was sharing with us the importance to not miss opportunities to share the gospel. We cannot let things like fear and worry hold us back. It is our responsibility as Christians to share God's message and work His Great Commission – regardless of whether or not people accept it.

I was reminded on a man I once knew and spent a weekend with. A man from Illinois by the name of John Kiley. In my mind he is a living here of Ezekiel's responsibility. From the day that John Kiley was saved, he has never missed an opportunity to share the message of Christ with someone. Literally ever single person we interacted with over that weekend he shared something about God or Jesus with. This was anyone from the waitress at a waffle house, to the cop that we stopped to talk to, the lady at the McDonald's Drive thru, and the man asking us for bus fare. Even the ones who rejected his message he managed to hand a book to even if they only accepted it to get him to go away. He was so committed to the people that we talked to that we ate at the waffle house the next day just to see how the waitress was doing and if we could pray for her or do anything more for her. This man was absolutely crazy, and was in his mid 40's I think. Surely there could be no one that would be left accountable for him. However, sadly, I am not sure I could say the same about myself. I have not lived a life of such boldness and passion for Christ. This passage in Ezekiel serves as a reminder and inspiration as to how we should be living out walk with Christ.

So my challenge for you this time is to consider the opportunities that you have missed.  Did you have the chance to make them different? Were you afraid of rejection or persecution?  What holds us back from living a life like John Kiley?

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zach Haas

The Shaping of Things to Come

I will be doing a lot of writing and researching the next three years that I am in seminary, so I will possibly be posting things periodically that I find neat or cool.

In Dr. J. Robert Clinton's book, The Making of a Leader, he describes different stages of development in a leader. The first stage he labels as “sovereign foundations.” These are times in our lives that were beyond our control, yet God used to shape us into the people we become. Three of the sovereign foundations in my personal life include: Family, Age of Understanding, and Church.  Below are three things that I came up with that we sovereign foundations.

Family:
I was the first child born to two very young, though married, parents. This caused me to be the experimental child. I was always the guinea pig that paved the way for my siblings. Everything I had they had at a younger age. Due to all this, I was the result of my parents inexperience – something I wouldn't trade for anything.

My family has gone through and is still going through all kinds of hardships. I have even seen my parents go through significant spiritual growth despite impossible amounts of misfortunes. As a matter of fact, my dad really accepted the reality of Christ after he should have died. When I was around 10 years old or so my dad literally blew himself up. While standing in a pool of water, he cut into a main, live, electrical wire after his foreman told him the power was shut off. His nomex suit was completely burned off, and as he crawled out of the hole all he heard was people saying “he's dead.” Then, people started beating him to the ground and when he asked why, they told him he was on fire. He left without wounds (beyond losing part of an eyebrow and some hair), and for the first time in my life I saw my dad crying as he told the story. . . in church.

Things were not easy from there either. I have seen financial struggle, family struggle, and physical struggle as I grew up. One of the things my parents taught me was that life is so much more than being book smart. Intelligence in my family was measured by common sense and the ability to survive and make wise decisions in any circumstance. I feel that I have gotten a firm understanding on many things in the world because of the struggles my family has gone through. God has shown me and taught me many things, not always good things, but useful things.

Age of Understanding: 
I can remember the specific moment in my life when Christianity all made sense to me. It was when I was in a Sunday School class at twelve years old. I was thinking about Hell and the eternal consequences of not following Jesus. Prior to that moment I had understood and knew who Jesus was, but it was never something that was personal or made a lot of sense to me. For some reason everything clicked. In my twelve year old mind I knew that “I did not want to burn and burn and burn for ever and ever and ever.” More interestingly, I also realized that I wouldn't wish that punishment on anyone, even the people I disliked most or the people that hurt me most. There was no single person I could think of that I wished to go to Hell. God gave me an understanding that the consequences of not following Him were severe, and that I should never wish anyone to an eternal damnation.
Church:
I first started going to me church when I was in first grade with my grandmother. This made me the first person in my house to start attending church regularly. I have gone to the same church ever since, and I have always called it home. All the programs at my small church helped to guide me spiritually. Furthermore, I have seen my church grow to over three times the size that it used to be. I've seen them purchase a new expansion, and develop ministries. Watching my church grow from something so small is something that I don't think many people get to experience at such a young age. I saw my pastor take over the church and use dynamic leadership to push it in a direction that God saw fit. More importantly, I have seen my pastor personally go through a number of high stress situations and handle them like a champion of God.

 Now, this same church is providing me with a place to exercise and develop my ministerial gifts. They have given me places of leadership that I once joked about having when I was much younger. I never told anyone that I someday thought it would be cool to come and take over the youth group. The only person that knew was God. Who could have guessed that I would go to school and get a degree in computer science just so that I could come back and actually take over a significant part of the youth ministry and young adult ministry? God used my church and my attendance there to direct me to the point that I am now attending a seminary in order to seek ordination and work full time in ministry.

So there you have it.  Three things that were beyond my control that shaped me into who I am.  This post is in some ways related to my post about scars and how each of us develops our own story.  Thus, the challenge this time is very predictable: What are your sovereign foundations?

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zach Haas

A (very) Brief Study on Mother Teresa Part 2/2

“The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.”

This may be my favorite part of the quote. What more difficult challenge could Mother Teresa have given to us? Human nature and society does not live by this rule. We often want the things we do today to make a difference in the world tomorrow. We want to be recognized, praised, and thanked for the good things that we do. But what does the Bible say about this idea?

Matthew 6:1-5 “Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. 2 So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 3 But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4 so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”
 
That is a pretty difficult verse to live by. Something inside of us tells us that we deserve the attention from other people when we do something good. There is another way to take this quote. Perhaps you have done something good for someone, or have tried to help someone today, but what happens when there is little chance that our help and good does little for that person in the future? It might even seem that our efforts did nothing. The person has taken our help and thrown it away, not caring that we just took the time to think of them first. Or, perhaps they did not listen to our good, kind, helpful words of wisdom. We are called to do good, and to keep trying anyway. Even when nothing we seem to do makes a difference, our hearts are what matters. If we are trying to the best of our ability to do good in the eyes of the Lord, for the Lord's people, and to the Lord's people, then too will we be blameless before Him.
 
For a good biblical reflection on this part I would recommend the book of Jeremiah. Doing a quick search I couldn't find specific verses to back up the idea. However, I do know the idea behind the entire book. Countless times Jeremiah tried to help the people of Judah. He was following God's plan and was trying his hardest to help the people. In the end, despite his best efforts the people of Judah could not be saved. God was tired of tolerating their insolence, Jeremiah was their last chance. Jeremiah was never appreciated for his Good that he tried to do. He was hated an ran out of town. People instantly forgot his message of hope, and nothing he did seemed to matter.

“Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.”
 
Oh how true this can be. How often is our best just not good enough. People will want and expect more. Give a person an inch and they will take a yard is a common mentality, but what happens when there is only an inch to give? We are sometimes blames and called selfish. This is unfair even though we gave our best. The only time we should ever be able to regret is when we know we didn't give our best when we could have. An athlete is often asked if they did their best. Most of the time we would like to believe that they do, and many times their best was not as good as someone elses. Does this mean that we should stop trying to give our best because we are going to disappoint anyway? Not according to Mother Teresa.

Ecclesiastes 9:10 “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom.”

 
“For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”
 
I could not think of a better way for her to end her quote. When it is all said and done nothing matters between us and the world. Everything we say, everything we think, and everything we do is to God, for God, and about God. He is the overall judge. He is the one that we are affecting overall. Nothing and no one matters outside of the Lord. In the beginning God made us, in the end He will decide whether we deserve to be kept, or if we deserve to be separated from the creator forever. We can serve only one master, God, or mankind. I pray that the choice is obvious.

Colossians 3:23 “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.”

Matthew 6:24 “No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth.”

In the end it seems that Mother Teresa is trying to describe a model for living. She is likely hinting at a way that we can live like Christ. Everyone knows who Mother Teresa is, and most everyone knows her for her kindness and goodness to the world and mankind. There are some people who question Mother Teresa's dedication to Jesus Christ. It seems that some would even claim that she was very wrapped up in Catholicism and claimed she was an idolater. Such statements are touch to swallow, and I leave them in God's hands to be the judge or her soul, for it is far beyond me to say who is and who is not saved. Still many others would claim that there is not way she is not in heaven, but, these people are also often ones that believe that a 'good person' gets to heaven and that works are important. I think I found after brief study that Catholicism has a heavy belief that both works and faith get you to heaven. I personally believe that faith alone even without works will allow you to heaven, but this is not the life we are called to, and God may not be pleased. (See blog on being Luke Warm) However, there is not way that Mother Teresa was completely crazy, as I managed to find a Bible verse that very closely resembles her quotation.

Luke 6:37-38 “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

So I end with this. Examine how you are living. Which master are you serving? And how will you serve the Master? It may be by faith that we are saved, but do not forget, a majority of the Bible is about how we are to live based on faith. How we live our lives now is not to be taken lightly.

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zach Haas

Dear God 2

Dear God,

I don't even know where to start.  So many things have happened.  So many things have changed.  That which was once clear is now so dark and empty.  God what happened?  I thought that I had things figured out?  I thought that I was learning and growing.  More importantly, I thought that I was actually hearing you.  I thought I knew what you were telling me and I knew what I had to do.  Was I always wrong?  Was I just making things up and hearing what I wanted to hear?  Or was I really hearing you and I just confused it all myself.  God I am so lost now.  I was feeling really great that I was learning and growing and communicating with you so much.  But now, I don't know what to think.  Have I been fooling myself?  Have I just been making everything up to myself?

And what about recently . . . God we weren't on the greatest of terms.  Is it ok to sometimes actually hate your ways?  I know this sounds sacrilegious but don't we all at some point?  Perhaps hate is a strong word, but even Jesus didn't like the fact that he had to die on a cross.  Is it ok for me to severely dislike some of the laws of nature and other aspects like that?  Can I dislike the life that we are supposed to live and carry out because we are in a fallen world?  Can I be upset because things aren't perfect?  Is that ok?  God, I do not want to be upset with you or your ways.  I want to be happy and accepting, but right now I just feel so lost and confused.  How can all this be the result of so much seeking and learning?  How can so many things have changed in so little time.  All that I once loved is changing or gone completely.  God I know that we often face tests and trials but what is this?

Even now though Lord, I am humbled.  I am almost ashamed to believe that earlier today I was so upset with you and the way things were currently going in my life.  I was so angry because of the problems I was having and was becoming bitter towards everything.  But God, you humbled me showing me that my problems should be considered nothing when compared to what some other people are going through.  Yes my problems were real, yes my problems were shared by many, but my problems were more or less temporary.  God people are struggling with death and the loss of loved ones and friends.  I have lost a dear relationship, but no life has been lost.  God I can't imagine what these people are going through.  I am now ashamed to think that my problems were so "big" that I was hating your created world.

I am still lost Lord and confused beyond belief, but there are more important things that I need to pray for right now.  God you brought my sister back home from Florida but she has yet to change.  So there is that.  I know people who are dealing with a lost life of a friend and family member.  So theres that.  The issues in my life over the past few weeks are important God, but the issues of yesterday are so stupid and trivial compared to what other people are dealing with.

God I pray that you be with those closest to me that need comfort, rest, encouragement and just a relaxing presence from you.  But God I need some answers.  The biggest problem with needing answers is the fact that I thought I was getting some.  I thought I knew how to hear you, I thought I knew how to listen, but it is seeming like I was wrong.  What I heard from you was apparently wrong in a number of things in my life.  So I guess the first thing that needs to happen is change in me.  Change me to be able to hear what you are actually saying God.  I thought that you were being very clear to me and I thought that I had been seeing things that were for you and from you but I guess that I was sadly wrong.  God I really just don't know what to think or do right now.  Where am I supposed to go, what am I supposed to do?  Clearly, I am still wrestling with you, despite having thought I was around that.

Amen.

An Attempt to Make Sense Out of Two Decades

All right, so I have barely been a live for two decades, which likely means I haven't actually thought about this for 20 years.  However, this is something that has bothered me for most of my life and I have never quite figured it out.  Now, with the help of my AMAZING NIV study Bible my church gave me 3 years ago I can make an attempt at making sense out of it.  First of all, let me show you the passage in the Bible.

Genesis 32:22-40 (New International Version)

Jacob Wrestles With God
22 That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two maidservants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. 23 After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions. 24 So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. 25 When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob's hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. 26 Then the man said, "Let me go, for it is daybreak."
But Jacob replied, "I will not let you go unless you bless me."

27 The man asked him, "What is your name?"
"Jacob," he answered.

28 Then the man said, "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, [a] because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome."

29 Jacob said, "Please tell me your name."
But he replied, "Why do you ask my name?" Then he blessed him there.

30 So Jacob called the place Peniel, [b] saying, "It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared."

31 The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel, [c] and he was limping because of his hip. 32 Therefore to this day the Israelites do not eat the tendon attached to the socket of the hip, because the socket of Jacob's hip was touched near the tendon.

 I now ask, has anyone else noticed anything weird about this passage?  For some examples of “what in the world moments”: vs 24- WHAT? Try taking this verse out of context, knowing its God's word and your brain will explode. Let me get this straight. Jacob, decides to send everything and everyone across a river. Then, while Jacob is alone. Some man jumps him and starts fighting with him . . . until daybreak. This means that these two guys just randomly start fighting – for HOURS! The man, implied to be God, Jesus, or perhaps Angel (there is more debate to this than you might think) then decides that he can't over power Jacob (but the man is GOD??? WHAT?) and uses a “magic touch” to dislocate Jacob's hip. Since when is God weaker than humans and loses wrestling matches? Afterwards, the man asks to be let go because daybreak is approaching. Wait, so these guys randomly fight all night and now this guy wants to leave? But no... Jacob, who apparently figured out somehow that this man has spiritual power, demands a blessing. Wow, clearly Jacob was either very adamant or very stupid. I mean, the man already nearly ripped Jacob's leg off with a touch. Then, the man changes his name claiming that he “struggled with God and with men [Jesus?] and have overcome.” Jacob then claims to have seen God and lived. In the end, we see Jacob limping away permanently maimed. Ok... there is actually one last verse... and I am saying this with all respect and authority to God and his purpose... but vs. 32 is absolutely ridiculous. This claim is never mentioned in the Bible again, and we never see the Israelites doing this or anything ever again. One word to describe this entire passage would have to be sketchy. I cannot think of any other way to describe how I have felt about this passage my whole life; sketchy, confusing, and even weird. I am generally left with a bizarre “Why?”



Well, now that that is out of the way. I will try to explain what I have learned about this passage and its parts over the past 2 weeks. The past 7 weeks I have been attending a new young adult group at my church. We started with a book that we finished two weeks ago. This is where the passage about Jacob was rekindled in my life for the first time. The book talks about the wilderness and a silent God (something that I still have yet to put a blog about among other things that I think are cool). In the book, it actually uses Jacobs account found in Hosea.

Hosea 12:4-5 (New International Version)


4 He struggled with the angel and overcame him;
he wept and begged for his favor.
He found him at Bethel
and talked with him there-

5 the LORD God Almighty,
the LORD is his name of renown!

Just briefly mentioned in Hosea.  Basically, the book uses the example of Jacob wrestling with God alone as a way to express that we need to see our experiences in the wilderness as opportunities to wrestle with God. But as far as the Bible tells us Jacob didn't even know that he was wrestling God. I think this was a weaker argument in the book only because the Jacob wrestling passage is so strange and hard to follow.

Anyway, last week Wednesday was not the last time Jacob made a stand – in my mind . . . okOk, so apparently this passage is no going away from me anytime soon, even after 20-ish years. (By the way, the research my leader did was a little different than what I was looking for, he was very interested in 'who' exactly it was that Jacob was wrestling was and found information for a number of potential candidates for 'who'. This was interested and got us thinking but didn't really provide any more answers to my dilemma, though we were able to talk about the passage in general as well.)

Moving on to my personal point of view/findings. First of all Hosea said it was an Angel, but the NIV added the title of “Jacob Wrestles With God.” Something to note is that in the original Hebrew the word angel in Hosea often meant God or could be used to talk about God. My personal observance leads me to think that Jacob wrestled with Jesus. Jesus would be both 100% man and 100% God. This works with where Jacob got his name, Israel – because he struggled with God and with men and have overcome. Jesus, being 100% man may also have the limitations of man. This would allow Jacob to theoretically be able to win a wrestling match with him – or at least keep him at bay. The man, if Jesus, was then able to simply touch Jacob and inflict a wound that should have ended the fight. At this point I guess Jacob figured out that he wasn't dealing with an ordinary man. What man can cause such a wound, and then wish to be released because of daybreak? Jacob, after having being maimed for life and now risking death, holds on. Not only does Jacob hold on, but he demands to be blessed before letting go. Jacob was passionate. He knew what he wanted and he knew what God could do, he was going to do anything and give everything in order to be blessed by God. Jacob is then blessed and given a new name, Israel, on the spot (it's interesting to note that the name Jacob meant the ambitious deceiver). According to my study Bible, “He was persistent. God encourages persistence in all areas of our lives, including the spiritual. Where in your spiritual life do you need more persistence? Strong character develops as you struggle through tough conditions.” This is certainly one lesson that can be taken from this passage. My study Bible says about Hosea: “He constantly searched for God. Jacob wrestled with the angel in order to be blessed, but his descendants thought their blessings came from their own successes. Jacob purged his house of idols, but his descendants couldn't quit their idol worship.” I found this to be particularly interesting. This gives a purpose to the entire passage actually. This passage now shows where, why, and how Jacob was blessed. First Abraham was promised to be a father of many nations, and his grandson Jacob furthers the blessing here. The 12 tribes of Israel come from Jacob, and they were great and blessed indeed! This passage shows that Jacob was blessed by God for generations to come, however, the people forgot this and became proud of themselves for their well being and were punished frequently.

All this still does not give me any closure. I was once told that while studying the Bible you should ask yourself both what it meant to the people in the Bible, and what it means to me. Right now, I have answered what it means to the people in the Bible to some extent. But I am still left with questions and confusion. Why is this passage in the Bible? Am I supposed to wrestle with God? Is it all right to be persistent with God? Isn't this nagging? Surely God doesn't want us to be stubborn and fight with him until we get what we want. So what? What am I to take from this?

After some thought and prayer this is what I came up with. Yes, God wants us to be persistent. But he does not what us to be close-minded or nagging. We are even allowed to BEG for what we want; Jesus did to the point of sweating blood. God wants us to hold on and hold out. In the passage Jacob is physically wrestling with God to acquire a blessing, but there is some belief that he may have been emotionally wrestling. We wrestle with God issues in our mind all the time. Wrestling with issues does not mean that they are wrong and should be ignored. Neither should we accept defeat when it comes to wrestling with God. How often is God known to come right out and say things after the first prayer? Not very often. I think that this passage can also show us exactly how close God is to us when we are “wrestling.” God never leaves us or forsakes us, not even when we are wrestling with him. In fact, he is closer to us than ever while wrestling. Anyone who has ever seen two people wrestling knows that there is incredible amounts of contact going on . . . even to the point of being awkward. What encouragement this should be! While we are wrestling with God he is close. He is listening and he is possibly wrestling back putting up a “fight.” In the end, at God's time (daybreak, after 40 days in the wilderness, after 40 years in the desert) he will give us what we want or need. Sometimes we need to wrestle our way to what we want so that we can appreciate it and know that it was from God and not our own strength.

On a more personal note, I have sometimes felt like I was wrestling with God through temptation. I bet some of you have been in similar situations where you KNEW that something was wrong yet you really, really wanted to do it anyway. For me, it was like I could almost feel myself physically wrestling with God. I could almost feel Him holding me back while I was saying “No, God. I know this is wrong but I want it so badly.” In this case God did not give up. I have even given into God out of anger. This may sound weird, but I have even gotten to the point before where I was like “FINE GOD! I WON'T DO IT. JUST FOR YOU. REMEMBER THIS GOD, I DID THIS FOR YOU AGAINST MY WILL.” This is kind of like a Jonah, I did the right thing but with the wrong heart. Other times temptation strikes and I will wrestle with God for help. In this case, we are more on the same team wrestling against something bad. It reminds me of the Lifehouse video that most of us have seen where the girl is like reaching for Jesus but is being held back. Either way, I think that the word wrestling certainly is a good word to use in these situations.

My challenge for you now is to think of time where you have wrestled with God. What was the outcome? Are you wrestling now? What outcome do YOU want? Would that outcome be God honoring? Do you realize that wrestling with God is not necessarily a bad thing?

Thanks for reading. Its been a while since I posted so I guess this long one is forgivable.

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,

-Zachary Haas

IWU Thoughts 2, a Response From Myself to Myself

I wanted to point out a few things about my last blog that I may have failed to mention.  First of all, I want everyone to know there is nothing wrong with asking people about their walk with God.  For me to say this would be blaspheme and not my purpose.  I am more worried about people asking about it so publicly or something.  Facebook is incredibly public and no one wants to look like they are doing something wrong by not hearing and learning from God.  I recently learned a bit about God putting people into a "wilderness" where he will remain silent for a long time.  God sometimes remains silent in our lives so that we can learn, grow, become prepared, and even sometimes to break us from habits or our comfort zone.  We don't know this all the time and many times this may seem like we are not growing or getting anything from God.  Honestly, how would you immediately feel if someone told you that they weren't hearing, feeling, or learning anything from God?  You might be quick to judge and even condemn.  My other main point was why the summer?  Why don't we expect God to teach us and grow us all year?  Is there something special about summer?  Maybe, but there doesn't have to be.  Many of us may actually be more busy now that its summer and will hear God even less.  I wanted to get people thinking.  I think maybe questions regarding a persons spiritual walk would be better placed in a facebook message than a wall post.  Isn't this something a bit more intimate?  This would also avoid the idea that you are just using small talk.  I think I'll talk a little more about the wilderness experience from God a little bit later.  I want to apologize if it seemed like I was saying that asking about what God's doing is wrong.  I wanted to make sure people were checking themselves and that they weren't just copying someone else.  That our hearts are in the right place when we are asking questions that could be deep and personal.  I just felt like some people were asking just to ask.  I don't know their reasons but I wonder if even they knew their reasons.

My goal in this blog is not to be sarcastic or critical.  I want to be genuine.  I want to offer my thoughts as a way to cause you to think, pray, and grow.  I don not want to cause you unhealthy guilt.  There is a fine line between helpful guilt and harmful guilt.  My goal is certainly not to cause any of you to guilt into dishonesty as this is exactly what I am trying to avoid.

In the end I wanted to let people know that some people may not have a answer or a good answer to the What is God doing questions.  Are you ready to accept that God is doing "nothing"?  Are you ready to accept that they may not have an answer at all?  I want to believe that we all are.  But I don't want us to feel pressured into making something up.  Overspiritualizing things and making things up is not good and only leads to hurt.  We already get guilted and pressured into enough things.  All I ask is that we be careful and listen to God.  Also, be careful what we ask.

Thanks for reading, sorry if I missed some details, feel free to ask me to explain something further.

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ.
-Zachary Haas

P.S.  Feel free to ask me about God and what hes doing.  I just spent tonight writing this and talking to two people about spiritual things and I am feeling more uplifted than I have in a long time.  And my family is a wreck right now.  Praise the Lord for my joy and uplifting in this storm!

P.S.S.  The coolest thing happened last night after I posted that blog.  I was reading my book for small group and there was a line that talked about being companions with God or Jesus or something like that.  I'm sure you noticed that I sign each post with "companion in Christ."  When I read this it was a rather large encouragement and I thought it was cool :)

IWU and People From IWU... YOU NEED TO STOP!!!

All right.  This is a risky entry but I feel in needs to be said.  I am more than sick of this myself and I don't think I have even been all that much of a victim of it.  But I know many people that have.  I both apologize and warn you for this post may call you out.  Some of you may even find it offensive for this to be question, but for some reason its bugging me, and I know its bugged other people.

If I say one word about IWU I'm sure it will get your mind thinking.  Pressure.  IWU is constantly pushing, pressuring, persuading and guilting people into doing things.  Not just "IWU" as a university whole but the students and professors alike.

First I will just list a few of them that I have noticed and then I will finally mention the one thats concerning me most.  I'm sure you can relate and notice some of these.

1. Ring by Spring - C'mon, we have all heard it.  We have all joked about it.  This expression is so over used at IWU that people feel like if they don't marry before they leave college they will be single forever or marry someone inadequate.  I'm not going to go into obvious details as to why, but this pressures people into dating.  Not Good.

2. You need to get your double major, masters, doctorate... whatever.  No.  You don't.  This is not an IWU actually but is found there as well.  Think about it.  Our whole lives we were told that we need to go the next step in education in order to be "successful."  This is not really true.  Yes, at least a major will get you much better places than just a high school diploma.  But think about it, our parents and high school teachers pressured us to go to college, told us that we needed to.  Now, in college we have professors pressuring us to go to get a masters degree, telling us we need to.  I'm sure our masters teachers would tell us to get a doctorate.  Heres the thing.  You don't need school to be successful.  There are billionaires that dropped out of college -- Bill Gates.  You may be able to do exactly what you want after college without wasting more time and money going to get a Masters.  Your going to college for a reason hopefully, if you can do that reason after 4 years then do it.  Don't feel like you NEED to get a better degree and further your education.  Every university in the nation is telling their students to do it.  (Yes, this goes for the honors college students too, believe it or not, God's plan for you may not be to get a master's degree, and if Dr. Riggs says you should get a masters Degree but God says you should start working where you love, through Faith . . . I think you should choose God.)

3. Missions trips.  Gosh, I can't tell you how many times I feel like this ones been jammed down my throat at IWU.  I have nothing against missions trips short or long. But we are not, I repeat, WE ARE NOT ALL CALLED TO DO MISSIONS!  I feel like this is a huge issue at IWU.  We see speakers, videos, seminars, booths, posters, you name it that tell us to help people in other countries.  Let me tell you the best mission field is your next door neighbor.  Other countries send missionaries to America because we fail to do a good enough job ourselves.  I hate when there is this whole guilt trip to sign up for a missions trip, even more when they are telling you the reason you should is because they are fun.  No, you should absolutely not sign up for any kind of missions trip without God or because you think it will be fun.  God should be the one calling you to missions, not anyone from the pulpit.  I appreciate the effort and opportunities that IWU provides for us.  I do not appreciate being told at every corner that I am a bad person for not donating my summer to a missions organization for less than no profit (missions trips are expensive).  I also do not appreciate over glorifying people that do missions trips.  Bragging about how many trips you've done or what you did is not Godly at all.  There is a fine line between boasting and sharing God's glory.  Some people need to learn this.

4. Spiritual events or other outreach things.  Both of these things are great, both of these things are important.  As a matter of fact both are amazing in their own ways.  But again, these follow the same lines as missions trips.  Boasting, pressuring and guilting are bad.  Just because I am too busy to go to your prayer group, or I don't want to help you build houses for the poor does NOT make me un-Godly, or a bad person.  We are called to serve people.  We are not called to serve an individual.  Jesus did not help every person individually (well ok, he died for our sins yes, but we CAN'T do that).  Jesus did not meet every single need, he did not cure every single person.  He provided everyone with an example for us to follow.  We cannot help everyone that wants our help.  Do not guilt people into helping with something, they may honestly not be able to do it at the time.  And worse, what if you guilt someone into doing something who is not called for that task when there could have been someone that was called for that kind of thing and missed the opportunity because people are doing it for fun or the social aspect involved.

All right, I have beat around the bush enough.  And God hasn't told me to not say this or cause anything else to happen to prevent this.  I pray that this is in His will for me to address and bring up.  I am rather nervous about this because of the number of times I have seen this.  But I have seen this so much it has essentially fallen into a small talk category.

Guys... the asking people what God has done for you.  What is God doing for you.  What are you learning this summer.  What are you doing for God this summer.  What have you learned from God.  How are you growing this summer?   Tell me everything God has shown you, taught you, did for you etc. Where have you seen God? What are you doing to strengthen your relationship with God.  Questions like these and along these lines.  My question for you is why are you asking?  Are you asking for the right reasons?  Are you just trying to make small talk with everyone?  Are you trying to make yourself sound more spiritual by asking someone else about it?  Are you being nosey? Check yourself why are you asking, and should you be asking?  What will that person get from you asking?  Are you encouraging by asking? Discouraging by asking?  Motivating by asking?  Or guilting by asking?

Why does every seem to think that everyone else needs to be growing so much over the summer?  What happened to all these questions ALL YEAR?  Why is the summer so important?  If you ask me we should all be growing more while at our Christian University surrounded by people that supposedly share the same faith as us.  Are we not surrounded by spiritual events and outreach? Aren't these the perfect places to grow and learn?  So why summer?  Why does everyone have to find out some big emotional thing over the summer?  I worry that Christians are guilting other Christians into summer spirituality.  Just because someone is working somewhere, or traveling somewhere or doing something somewhere does not mean they are having some God to life changing experience.  Perhaps God isn't doing anything special in someone's life because he is preparing them.  Being asked and seing other people asked "What is God doing for you this summer, or how have you seen God this summer" could be incredibly discouraging and depressing if you are in a time where God is being silent.  Why can't someone just live through their summer living a normal life with God.  Why does there have to be something extra special happening to everyone these few months?  I for one am having a growing period and learning period with God to a new level and degree and I hope I am openly sharing this with you.  But now, I am beginning to feel like everyone is expecting EVERYONE to experience the same kind of growth that I am going through.  Why can't someone be in a wilderness experience all summer?  If someone said to us "well God isn't doing anything new in my life" after we asked them one of those questions we may frown at them and find ourselves holier than thou.  My friends, this is a very dangerous place to be.  We cannot understand God.  It is very likely that God could do "nothing" in our lives all summer because he wants us to purify us to move us to greater heights.  Perhaps a person is to lose their pleasure they experience in their devotional life so that God can show them something beyond what they are used to.  How on earth do you answer those questions if this is what you are going through?

My answer to that is, you can't.  You can't tell someone God isn't doing anything in your life.  First of all, God is always doing something in our lives even if it seems like nothing to us.  But we cannot explain that to another person and we certainly can't say nothing if you believe God is always doing something.  Instead we make something up, or bat around the question awkwardly.  For example.  Suzy is living her summer with God.  She hasn't heard from God in weeks.  She is reading her Bible daily, but nothing special.  She is going to church and small group, but nothing special.  She even serves at a local soup kitchen twice a week but nothing special. She hasn't heard anything from God, she hasn't learned anything new, she is just doing what she knows God wants her to do with a good heart.  Now, Jack walks up to Suzy and says "Hey Suze, what has God shown you this summer?"  Suzy knows that Jack has an intimate relationship with the Lord and that he just led 3 people to Christ in the last week.  Jack may even asked the question innocently but Suzy now feels guilty for not hearing the Lord.  So she tells Jack untruthfully "Well, I have really seen God lately.  I know I am exactly where he wants me to be.  Its so uplifting to be able to serve food to the hungry people.  I'm getting so much from my devotional time with God, and WOW I can't even tell you about small group."  Jack tells her that he is happy for her and will pray for her.  Suzy, feels guilty for letting Jack believe there is more going on in her life that there really is.  Suzy doesn't understand why she isn't growing closer to God, she knows that she is doing his will and she was feeling content.  Now she is unsure and wonders if she is doing something wrong.  Perhaps she even worries about her faith in general.  I mean, she did practically lie to Jack.

Now, why can't God's perfect plan for Suzy have been to live a devoted life for Him?  Why can't we have a normal nothing special summer?  Why does something amazing, extraordinary, or special happen to us during the summer time?  Many of us may be having the experience of a lifetime, others may be having the experience of a lifetime growing in God and faith.  I believe that the ones growing if faith will be hard to miss and will be sharing their new found God just like the others.  But why the pressure to "find God, and find him more than ever" this summer?  I have never seen in three years at IWU people frequently asking "Hey Suzy, whats God showing you this Fall?" What? Does God fall silent when we are at IWU?  Are we not allowed to have ridiculous growth and learn about God while attending classes.  That's ridiculous because I knew plenty of people this past year that had the Godly experience of a lifetime, and they may not be having it now over the summer.  I can't look at my facebook and not see multiple times "blah blah blah, work is great, blah blah school, blah blah, What is God showing you this summer?"  Uh... well, not much considering I am working 70 hours a week to pay for school, watching my siblings, going to church and small group, taking care of house work, fixing my car, oh and sleeping.  What are we looking for when we ask someone what is God doing for them?  I feel like some people are just asking it as something to say.  I warn you with using God's will questions as small talk.  How would you reply? Do you have a good answer? Is that good answer prideful? Or boastful?  Are you rubbing your experiences in?  Or are you inadvertently causing someone to feel guilty or doubt their walk?  Be careful asking everyone and anyone what God is doing for someone.  Especially if you can not easily answer it yourself.  God may not be doing anything for people, are you ready to hear that from them?  Can you accept that God may be showing you the world yet showing someone else nothing?  Is it ok for God to teach you, causing you to grow, yet remain silent and "distant" from your friend in order for THEM to grow?  Also, is it not possible that God is telling someone to wait in spiritual activities?  For me personally I can honestly tell you that there are many things that God has given me a passion for and desire to do.  However, I also feel that he is strongly telling me to wait and that it is not my time yet.  He wants me to finish school so that I can devote more time to my passions, desires, and perhaps calling.  Can you accept the fact that other people may be waiting in order to fully grow?  Are you trying to say that God needs to be giving someone some kind of incredible experience THIS summer?  Are you putting God in a box?  Do not tempt people to overspecialize their lack of growth. Just because you are having a life changing experience does not mean everyone has to be this summer as well.  Be careful when asking all your friends what God is doing for them this summer.  Perhaps some better questions might be "How are you doing this summer?  Is there anything you'd like me to pray for?  How are your devotions going this summer?  How is church and/or small group going.  Are you staying committed to the commands in God's word so that you can be open to him speaking and open to growth and learning?"  These questions may still cause guilt, but to me they seem to be a bit more fair.  You are not telling them/asking them anything that all Christians should be doing at all times regardless of how quiet God is.  It is ok to look out for one another, but do not pressure each other into finding a life changing amount of growth and learning this summer.  It may not be their time.  It may not be yours.

I hope that I have not overly offended any of you.  I am also not saying that we should be closed the possibility of God doing amazing things in our lives this summer.  I am saying that we should not be overspiritualizing the summer and expecting everyone to learn and grow beyond their normal rate.  God may be showing people, teaching people, and growing people as he is with me, but he also does not have to.  And her certainly does not have to do it the same way with each of us.  Be careful with God questions, consider what you are asking, consider the position you are placing the other person it.  Are you expecting something great and amazing or making small talk?  You don't want to be disappointed, and more than that, you don't want to disappoint or discourage the other person.  I worry most that we could discourage one another internally when we ask such questions.

I am sorry if I have placed any of you in a position where you felt obligated to say something that God was not actually doing.

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zachary Haas

A Ridiculous Realization

So there I was today working my third day of work since we've been open full time.  I am a river guide, meaning that I am supposed to spend my time on the river... guiding people -- go figure.  But instead, today I was more of a surfer, but not your traditional water surfer.  Instead, I spent three hours on top of a bus cutting down tree limbs.

We put the tubes for the customers on top of the bus and its really rather convenient until they get hit by a few thousand trees daily.  Thus, my job was to work with two other guys clearing a path for a bunch of inflated pvc.  I somehow was placed on top of the bus with a pair of clippers, while one guy drove me around, and the third grabbed what I cut and drug it into the woods.  This was ridiculously fun for about 10 minutes, then was just work for another 2.5 hours.  However, somewhere in the last 20 minutes I realized that I was completely exhausted.  My hands were cut raw from using clippers, my body was cut up from a bunch of tree limbs and bitten by God only knows what bugs and arachnids he created there.  Not too mention that I frequently bashed my knees while trying to avoid falling of the bus.  So yea, that was my day today.  In all reality is wasn't that bad, I just wanted to make it sound cool.  Anyway, none of this had anything to do with my realization.

I started this blog with the realization that I wanted more in my life.  I wanted to grow closer to God.  As a matter of fact, I wanted to grow so close to God that I was in fact a glowing radiant person.  I understand that the Bible has only mentioned two people that were ever glowing, and one of them was Jesus.  However, I have heard this expression used to describe people.  Anyway, while I was on the roof of a bus destroying nature for 3 hours, I had a lot of time to think.  I didn't really spend much time on this thought but it was interesting.  The name of my blog is Desperate to Glow.  It's relatively self explanatory.  I had a plan when I started that I wanted to follow but still have yet to enact.  I know that I really do want to be able to glow.  I really am desperate for you.  I think the ridiculous realization came because I had this song stuck in my head.

I want to know you
I want to hear your voice
I want to know you more
I want to touch you
I want to see your face
I want to know you more

This is a great worship song.  But if you really think about the lyrics, they are SERIOUSLY lacking something very important.  Yes, they are saying that you want a lot of things from the Lord, but so what?  You can also want a brand new Subaru WRX STI, or a new boat, but wanting them isn't going to do anything for you.  I can desperately want to glow, but thats not going to make me anything but wanting.  Have you figured out what I am getting at yet?  If you want a new car or boat you are going to have to do something about it.  These luxuries are expensive and will take a considerable amount of time working and saving in order to have them.  Is not glowing in Christ a luxury?  Will it not take as much work to accomplish?  I realized that I am desperate to glow, or grow as close to Christ as possible in a way that I never stop growing closer, but what am I doing about it?  I do not doubt that through writing my blog and my bi-weeekly church events I am growing; I am certainly growing a learning a multitude of good things through these events.  However, I think that in order to glow I should be doing something more daily, or perhaps even more than just daily.  Think about anything that glows.  Maybe one of those stars that you used to have on your ceiling when you were a kid.  They need constant light in order to glow when the lights go out.  Even giving them light once a day would only make them glow for a short while.

In an earlier blog post I mentioned that I learned that God's plan for life are written plain as day in the Bible.  I was incredibly inspire by this realization.  I wanted to read through 1 Thessalonians.  Friends, I have yet to look at Thessalonians.  Just now I realize that I haven't neglected the Bible completely.  I think that I mentioned before that there is a difference between studying, meditating, and reading.  I still want to make a more in depth blog on that topic in the future.  The point is, I have always been really good at studying God's word, and especially right now.  I think I am even doing ok meditating, but when it comes to reading I am epically failing.  This is something I still need to work on.

All in all, I realized there is much more to glowing (or growing) that just being desperate for it.  There is much more to God than wanting him.  God is very happy when we are wanting him and desperate for him, however, he is not satisfied.  We need to turn this desire into action.  I need to find a way to actively grow beyond the desire.  I need to be active to glow, I need to be moving to glow, and I need to be sprinting on eagles wings to glow!

My challenge to you this time is to think about this in yourself.  Do you know for a fact that in your core person you are desperate for God?  When you are singing worship songs you feel the spirit moving in you and you want it.  You KNOW that you WANT God... you are DESPERATE for HIM.  However, I want you to think, is this where it ends for you?  Are you stuck at wanting and desiring without attempt and action?  How can we expect to become more like Christ when all we are is wanting to be like Christ?  Jesus never just wanted to be more like his father, he never stopped working to become like his father.  A day never went by that Jesus wasn't living to become more like the Father.  Jesus is the perfect example of turning want and desire to action.  Are you doing the same? Or have you been measured, weighed, and found wanting?

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zachary Haas

God's Plan for My Life. Wait... it was always that simple and in front of me?

This is a post that I have been itching to write for about 3-4 weeks now.  It was really a combination of this one and the one about God being a friend that really started the idea to make a blog.  SO IF YOU NOTICE THIS POST, I URGE YOU TO READ IT.  IT HAS MORE IMPORTANT MEANING TO ME THAN SOME OF THE OTHERS.  I hope you enjoy and find something to learn too.

I have mentioned before that I have struggled to find God's will for my life.  After the message that I talked about from Steve DeNeff, I learned that God was always with us no matter what.  It caused me to believe that that is a part of the free will God gives us.  God wants us to make choices on our own, but he wants us to make our choices with a faith assurance that He's not going anywhere.  There are at least 4 places in the Bible that talk about how God will never leave us or forsake us.  For right now I like it best in Deuteronomy.

"And the LORD, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.”-Deuteronomy 31:8 (NKJV)

However, sometimes it is very hard to live by this kind of faith.  It is not always easy to try and say well I am going to do this and have faith that God is with me.  Though at the time I felt assured thats what God wanted me to hear, but as my life went on I realized  that there is more to God's will and plans than just having faith that he is with us.  He is always with us, even when we are sinning and running down the path of God rejection -- look at Jonah.  But then, 2.5 years later I have found what I think to be the answer to so questions revolving around God's will for our lives.  And you are not going to believe how easy and simple it is.  I didn't.

Perhaps I am the only one who has overlooked this a thousand times.  Perhaps I am the only one who has been blind to God's obvious call to arms.  Maybe everyone has already known this and I am the only one who missed it.  For some reason I honestly feel like I can't be alone.  How many times have you heard the phrase if you want to know God's will for your life read the Bible.  WAIT!  Stay with me now.  Those of you that just read that line thinking that I just said something incredibly clichéd will know EXACTLY what I am talking about.  We have all heard a million times that if we want to hear God we need to be reading the Bible daily, but how many of us honestly do that.  Theres more, but let me put it in the words of Mike Hurt who caused me to come to this realization.

"Don't become your own urban legend by thinking that God's will is like your personal autopilot.  When you discover what God wants for you to do, it will take energy and effort on your part to live it out.
Many of us have the delusion that if we knew with certainty what God wanted us to do, then we would do it without question, no matter the cost.  Not true -- our personal history bears witness to it.  There are commands in Scripture that you and I disobey every day.... Each of us can remember a time when we knew God wanted us to do something and we refused.  His Spirit whispered to us, we knew it was God, and yet, we did not take action.  Maybe it was a prompt to share your faith with a new friend or shut your mouth when everyone else was bashing your boss.  Whatever the instance, you ignored the prompting. You and I have proven it: Knowledge of God's will is no guarantee for obedience to God's will." (Mike Hurt, Connect the Dots pg. 18)  

Did you catch that?  I pointed out the exact line that did it for me.  "The answer is so obvious!  God's will for our life is to follow Him.  But what does this mean? "Read the Bible to hear God" NO! Really read it, it's right there, all the answers." Is a comment I wrote in the book right next to that phrase.  If God has already given us His will and we are not following it, why are we still asking for it?  The Bible is absolutely filled with God's will for our life.  It is everywhere.  Jesus even specifically said in John 14 that if we love him we will follow his commands.  If we are not following the commands that God has already given us why would he give us more?  I am sure by now there should be a list in your head of broken commands and places of inadequacies in your life.  I could think of a despicable plenty.  Honestly I couldn't believe that I had never seen this or realized this before.  I had always thought about it in a different way.  The idea that seeing isn't believing kind of thing.  People say that if Jesus appeared to them they would believe on spot.  This isn't true because the people who could see Jesus killed him.  Clearly seeing him wasn't enough.  However, I was making this same mistake that I was aware in a different context.  I know what God's wants me to do (or should read the Bible more to remind myself) yet I still choose to not care and do what I want at times.  Really, what got to me was that God's plans for our lives are literally right in front of our faces, in the very word of God.  If we want to hear God's plan for our lives, read the Bible.  Seriously really read it.  He has written it down for us.

Obviously, the Bible isn't going to direct say "Zachary, I want you to move to Arizona after college to do this that and something else."  But my, what a great place to start.  If we start following God's general plan for our lives on a day to day basis, we will already be living out his will!  When we are living in His will I am sure that other parts of his plan for our life will be revealed.  So, start reading the Bible and obey all the commands that God has laid out for you.  My goal is every time I see a command in the Bible I am going to write it down.  These commands are how God wants me to live my life every day.  We need to start with these so that we can get the rest.  How are we supposed to hear God and know his word if we aren't reading his word?  I just can't believe that I have heard it a million times that we need to read our Bibles.  Even more so, I can't believe that the answers were always so close I just missed it.  I hope that you see what I mean.  This concept was really eye opening to me and I hope that I have explained it well enough to my readers.  Just think, we CAN know God's will for our lives.  All we have to do is blow the dust off that old book and start reading it.

"One of the reasons certainty does not necessarily result in obedience is because God is not looking for certainty -- He is looking for faith.  While we want to know more, God wants to trust us more.  While we want assurances concerning the future, God wants us to place our future in His hands.  While we want our doubts and fears to go away, God wants to turn them into a strengthened faith in Him.  It is our faith in the middle of every circumstance that pleases God -- not our certainty of our next step." -page 19

Of course this is how God wants it.  But for me this is incredibly hard to do.  Being uncertain about something is one of my biggest pet peeves ever.  I can not stand not knowing.  Whether it be how to do homework, or how to do something else, not knowing how to do something frustrates and depresses me.  I absolutely despise it.  This is why it is hard for me to just pick up the Bible and find God's commands so that I can follow them.  I know that it is what I am supposed to do, and honestly it is what I want to do, but why is it so hard to make time and actually do it.  I confess, that even though I have found this realization about 3 weeks ago, the amount of time I have spent inside my Bible beyond these posts should be enough to weep (not in a good way).  So wait, I'm saying that I have found God's will for my life yet I haven't grabbed hold of it and been consumed in the Bible for three weeks?  Ding Ding Ding! Winner.  I have proved the author correct.  However, as I think about it right now I find this encouraging.  Wait... encouraging that I have failed to do what I know is right? YES! ABSOLUTELY!  I am even MORE sure that it is what I am supposed to be doing.  What better place for Satan to attack than what I know is right?  If it had been easy for me to start searching God's word right away and truly studying it and meditating on it I would have doubted my recent epiphany.  The fact that I have barely started confirms any doubt that I had that God's will for my life is written plain as day thousands of years ago.  I just need to grab hold and find it.  And it might be a good idea to hold on for the ride.

My challenge today for you is to try it yourself.  If you are looking for a different place to start than the obvious 10 commandments, I recommend 1 Thessalonians.   There are many commands about God's will there that are literally written as God's will.  This is where I am going to start.  It still shocks me that I have missed such an obvious gift from god, His written will, for so long.  I mean really, when you think about it.  God's will... ITS RIGHT THERE! We've had it our whole lives.  Why did I not here it all those times I shrugged off people saying, "Well, did you read your Bible?"  At least I have heard it now.  And I hope that you have learned something too.

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
Zachary Haas

Myths about God's plans for my life

Today is Wednesday, which just so happens to be my favorite day of the week.  Why is Wednesday my favorite day of the week?  3 Reasons; it will be one of my days off, 5 cent wings at the local pub,  and my young adult group (small group for young adults, go figure) meets today.  The small group is led by a couple who are around 30 years old.  The girl, Debbie, is pregnant with her 4th child, all of which are boys, around 2, 4, and 6.  Anyway, they are both really awesome people and I love them both.  Last week I actually was asked to lead the lesson because they were busy and to my surprise it went really well and the others in my group listened.  I'll talk more about the group specifically some other time and how my leading went some other time too.

Today, I just want to briefly mention some of the myths that people (and occasionally myself) have about how God speaks or shows his plan for our life.  These ideas come from the book that my group is working through: Connect the Dots.  The first myth is that God opens and closes doors.  Now this is obviously not a complete myth but many times people put too much stock in it.  Yes, God can open doors but every open door is not necessarily from God.  Instead we should look at open doors and make judgments.  Maybe take a step inside and make sure that they are ok and make sure that they are both honoring to God and honoring to my character.  Satan has the power to open doors that may look good or feel good.  The real point is that we can't always say that just because a door is open it is good.  Sometimes we need to test the door and make sure that it is right.

The second method that we all use is the "fleece" method.  We see Gideon using this method in Judges 6:36-40.  Here Gideon clearly tests God and is shown what to do.  We cannot limit God in this way.  God has the right to do what he want -- after all he is the creator.  We cannot always test God in this way.  If we could, then faith would be completely pointless because we would all be putting fleeces outside in order to know God's will.  Instead, God wants us to use common sense.  Gideon did not have the Bible, God's word as we do.  We are supposed to be in constant study of God's word so that we can make a decision based on what we know.  God may me all knowing, but he still gives us the freedom of choice, however that works I don't know, all I know is that if I think about it too much it makes my brain want to explode.  I believe that sometimes God wants us to make decisions by faith.  He wants us to make choices ourselves.  However, when we make choices ourselves I think that we are also supposed to believe that we are not alone.

This is actually something I learned freshman year.  To be completely honest I do not like Steve DeNeff.  I am sorry, but there is something about the way he preaches or something that I do not like.  However, when I was a freshman, during fall semester he was the summit speaker (summit is a time that we can choose to go to chapel and get a heightened experience of God).  I think then I only went to one of the optional summits.  As a freshman I was seriously wondering what major I should take.  I had signed up for computer science but was really unsure (as are a lot of freshman) as to if that was what I was supposed to be doing.  Something that Steve said spoke to me at a spiritual level.  He said that sometimes we need to make decisions based on faith.  He said that we have the right to choose and sometimes God gives us the choice to do what we want.  However, when we choose to do what we want we are supposed to know that no matter what God is with us.  God will never leave us or forsake us.  I truly believe that there are situations in our lives where our choices are completely up to us.  We have to make decisions knowing that no matter what we choose God will be with us.  He will be our strength when we doubt our decisions.  He will be our perseverance when we think that we can't go on.  This is living a faithful life.  This is the life we need to live.

There are a number of other methods that we sometimes use to figure out God's will but I think that I have said enough for now.  The end result is that we need faith.  We cannot ask God for answers until we have faith in ourselves and in Him.  We need to believe that he is with us no matter what.  We also need to be able to accept that sometimes God wants us to make decisions knowing that he has our back when things get tough.  We need to love God so that we can experience His love.  We need to trust God so that we can make decisions.  God is with us whatever we do.  As a matter of fact, he is still there when we make bad decisions.  He is even there when we sin, no matter how much we wish that he wasn't.

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
Zachary A. Haas

Suffering, this journey will not be easy...

First of all, just so that you all know, you do not need to make a blogger account in order to read this.  You also do not need an account in oder to leave comments.  There are a number of ways that you can leave comments including AIM screen names. Just thought you should know. Now on to the Blog.

Do not be afraid of what you are about to suffer. I tell you, the devil will put some of you in prison to test you, and you will suffer persecution for ten days. Be faithful, even to the point of death, and I will give you the crown of life.                                                                                                                    -Revelation 2:10 (NIV)

Wow what a verse.  I had a number of verses written down on a virtual sticky not that I went through tonight.  I do not know where I found them or why there were there.  I actually thought they were about something completely different.  But perhaps this is actually supposed to speak to me. The rest of the verses on the list were mostly about Paul and his suffering. And if you are not familiar with Paul's sufferings read this for a refresher 2 Corinthians 11:22-28.  Paul was reestablishing his credibility to the Corinthians to show that he was not a false prophet because the people had fallen so easily to some false teachers.  I still cannot remember why I wrote down all these verses, but the one in Revelation really stood out this time.

These are the people that we are supposed to be.  This is the person I'm supposed to be.  Jesus never said that following him would be easy.  He also did not say that it would be without suffering or persecution.  This verse promises that we will find suffering.  However, it also tells us to not be afraid.  I know that there are many times in my life that I fail when it comes to tests.  Some of these tests should be so easy to follow but yet I still fail.  It doesn't always seem like I am afraid, but that is exactly what it is -- fear.  Fear of how other people would react or what they would say/think.  The Bible says that if I am faithful, even to the point of death, I will be given a crown of life!  Why is this promise not enough to spur me (us?) into courage?  What in the world (quite literally actually) are we afraid of when we have JEHOVAH as our God?  Will he not provide for our every need?  Will he not comfort us when we are at our lowest?  Has he not already given us the ultimate sacrifice of giving his SON?

Perhaps we do not know exactly how it would feel to give up our only son because we are still too young to have children of our own.  But if you really think about it, it should hurt.  Imagine that you are married to your spouse.  You love them more than you ever thought imaginable (do not forget that God manages to love them even more and in ways we couldn't imagine).  Now lets say that you have a son.  Not only did you have a son, but he is absolutely perfect in every way.  He is flawless.  He has obeyed ever command that you gave him, he never dishonored you in your entire life.  He is the captain and all star quarterback in his high school and college team.  He has now signed a contract to be the starting quarterback at your favorite NFL team (I pick the Giants, lol).  I also forgot to mention that he was a 4.0 student and was given a full ride scholarship to his choice of Yale, Princeton, and Harvard because of his academic and athletic performances.  He has also never been drunk, done drugs, had sex, stolen, or put anyone down.  He went to church and midweek service every week and even led a small group of his own.  He was perfect.  Now imagine taking this son (who is still only a candle next to the sun when compared to Jesus) and sending him to the front lines of war, a war where being in the front lines is guaranteed death.  You will never see this son again because his body will be mangled beyond recognition.  He died to defend our country.  Jesus died to defend out soul.  God allowed this.  God did this.  How can God who has everything and is perfect and needs nothing sacrifice this kind of son for me?  Love?  No, not even the word love comes close to God's absolute desperation and desire to have us in his courts.

So WHY?  God is clearly this superior being that is so great, powerful and mighty that we can't even make up words to describe him -- magnicalicious still doesn't come close (thank you Ted Dekker).  So why is it that we still fail to follow his plans?  Why are we still afraid of the world?  I do not have an answer to this question, only a realization that I am among the afraid.  Why is it so hard to stand up for the ways of the Lord?  Why is it so easy to stumble and fall into the ways of the world?  My answer is simply that it does not matter.  It does not matter how many times we fall or fail.  Or doesn't matter how many times we disappoint God because he is  still able to forgive us and see past our iniquities.  However, doesn't this still make you feel a bit down and a bit depressed?  Yes, God will still forgive us and give us another chance, but this doesn't necessarily make me feel any better.  As a matter of fact, it almost makes me feel worse.  With so many chances why can't I get it right?

My conclusions is to be happy.  I am happy that God gives us so many chances.  I am happy that I am allowed to try again and again to live for him.  No matter what kind of failure I find myself in God is still ready and willing to forgive the truly repentant heart.  I am very sorry that I disappoint God so many times, but I see this as a good thing.  The fact that I truly heart at times means that I am being honest with God.  I am being truly sorry because of my anguish caused by myself.  This is why I want to glow.  I want to get to a point where I am so close to God and am following Him so much that people actually see me as glowing.  God has given us specific guidelines and rules to follow.  They are in the Bible, written plain as day.  But this is the topic of another blog post.

Again, thank you for reading, and thank you even more for your prayers.  This is going to be an interesting and difficult journey.  But I hope that someday I am seen as glowing, and that someday I am able to hear God's voice saying "Well done, my good and faithful servant."

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zachary Haas

P.S. If when we get back to IWU you see me as "glowing" let me know!  This will be an amazing encouragement.  However, please do not tell me that I am glowing just to make me feel good, as this would defeat the purpose of what I am trying to do.  Again, thank you so much for your time and prayers.  Feel free to let me know if there is anything that I can pray for you!

The Reason

All right everyone here is my first post.  To start off I feel like I owe everyone an explanation.  No, I am not going on some kind of trip or journey, at least not really.  No I am not working someplace special or on some internship or anything like that.  As a matter of fact I am not doing anything out of the ordinary, or at least anything that shouldn't be out of the ordinary.  In reality I am only going to start to do more adamantly what we all should be doing anyway. There are a number of reasons for my starting a blog.

First of all, I feel that I am led to share this with you.  I do not know where this is going to go or what is going to happen.  I pray that I do keep up with this blogging and that I am able to become a better person in the end because of it.  I hope that my blogging is found as enlightening and encouraging.  I also hope that you are able to learn something and perhaps better yourself from my work and discovery.

Secondly I want to be able to show everyone that there is a much deeper and serious side of me that many people don't know about, and perhaps even the people that are away of my deeper side are still not aware of how deep it runs and what it is. I fully enjoy being ridiculous and crazy, especially when I am able to use these  attitudes to brighten someone else's day or give them a little laugh. I LOVE making people laugh even if it is laughing at how ridiculous I am.  However, occasionally, my occasional cynicism, ridiculousness, negativity, complaints, "close-mindedness" (I am not close minded, at least I don't think so, but even if I agree with you I like to try and go on the other side to either make a point or to reaffirm our mutual beliefs. I am often open to other beliefs and values as long as they do no conflict with my core, hopefully biblically based beliefs),  absurdness and sometimes even borderline heresies cause people to see me in a particular light.  I do not want the aforementioned attitudes to push people away from me and cause them to think "Yea, Zach is a pretty funny guy, but he is never serious and he needs to grow up," or "Yea I love eating with Zach he makes me laugh so much every meal, but I don't think I could ever have a serious conversation with him or get some serious Godly-like help from him."  Through this blog I want to be able to show everyone that there is much more to me than what you see every meal at Baldwin, or what you see every night in the townhouse.  I may be a crazy guy who is out to have fun and brighten your day, but I also want to be able to brighten your soul and inner person beyond making you feel temporary joy.  This second goal is perhaps one of the most important ones.  I plan to make this blog open and honest.  However, do not let goal #2 scare you into not reading my blog, I still plan to try and be witty and humorous when appropriate, but this is not the underlying intention of this blog and a sense of serious will likely be seen more.  I hope that you still enjoy it all the same.

Thirdly, I want to be able to use this blog as an accountability tool.  I want to be able to post near daily.  The intention of this is to try and force me into a spiritual routine.  This consists of reading the Bible each day and not only reading it, but studying it and meditating on it. (Yes, I have recently learned that there is quite a difference in these three things)  MY spiritual growth is the real purpose behind this. I want to be able to grow spiritually and closer to God than I ever have been, and I am going to believe that the concept of "perfectly-close" to God is not actually attainable and will require my entire life taking steps closer and closer.  Its like forever cutting the distance between us in half.  It will never actually be zero but it will hopefully become quite close. (1, .5, .25, .125, .0625... ect if you need to see that analogy in numbers)  However, I also know that growing closer to God means fellowship, and I need other people to see that there is a level to me that most people do not see.  A more intimate side so to speak.  I also believe that as part of growing to be a man of God we are to take care of our bodies and be everything that we can be.  So I have also devised a workout plan for myself to hopefully follow each morning.  For those of you who know me well enough, I hate working out.  However, I have developed a plan that requires no machines and works completely on your own body weight.  So we will see how that goes.

Fourthly I have been thinking of doing this for a long time, and to a very mild extent I have before.  It helps that a number of my close friends have recently started a blog.  I had originally just been planning on using facebook to write things, but I think this will work better.  There has been a part of me that wanted to express things and say things to people.  In particular the other people I want to say things to are other Christians, especially my Christian peers.  I desire the thoughts, inputs, and open hearts and minds of all you readers.  I desire to be able to teach you a thing or two and show you things that I have found in my life.  I want to encourage you and offer myself to you.  I want to allow people to see that I can be more than the guy who makes you laugh at meals.  I can be that guy, and I love being that guy, but I really want people to know that there is more that I can offer if you want.  As mentioned before, I don't want to be looked at as completely immature and unreasonable.  Believe it or not, I can be very calm, reasonable, and down to earth; I generally just save these times for more intimate situations.  I do ask that you do not see my starting a blog as conforming to other people.  There is no underlying reason for this, there is no motive beyond seeking God and allowing others to see and seek God with me and through me.  It is merely coincidence that caused inspiration that a few of my friends have started a blog.

Fifthly, and this is more obviously considering the length of this entry, I honestly love to write.  Again, do not think this has anything to do with someone that is very dear to me because it is not.  I enjoy writing things that  I  want to write about.  Assignments and things like that are another story.  I love writing about things that are on my mind and heart.  Things that inspire me, things that anger or upset me, things that make me laugh, I love writing because I love being able to provide a way for other people to experience things with me.  It is not so much that I am seeking attention or an audience, more that I am seeking to enlighten and show people things that I find interesting.  And even more unbelievable than my loving of writing, I am beginning to enjoy reading more and more.  This one, I will blame on Lauren Leuschner, but I still don't think that is fair.  I have always enjoyed reading a good book.  I just don't have time or make time to do it, but when I do, and its a book I enjoy, I have never regretted the time.  In particular, I love those like Christian self-help books.  Inspirational books?  Christian nonfiction?  Whatever you call them, I love them.  It secretly excites me when someone recommends one to me that sounds interesting or that they found interesting.  These books also make for great ideas to put into blogs.  Right now the book that I am in is called Connect the Dots, by Mike Hurt.  I am reading it for the young adult group in my church.  It is a short book but I already learned a few things that should have been so obvious but I always missed.  But, I'll save those details for a later post.

Sixthly, and finally, I have found a reason.  The reason, of course, can be found in the url (website) of my blog, Desperate to Glow.  Some time back I heard of the concept of glowing from somewhere.  I do not even  remember where, but it struck a chord.  You know, that chord in your heart that makes your eyes open a little wider, that makes your head lift up a little bit higher to hear more clearly?  The words that snap you back into focus during a chapel that just seem to speak to you for some reason?  For me it was the concept of glowing.  I knew immediately that I wanted to glow.  Before I say more, let me show you where it comes from in the Bible.

The Radiant Face of Moses

 ²⁹ When Moses came down from Mount Sinai with the two tablets of the Testimony in his hands, he was not aware that his face was radiant because he had spoken with the LORD. ³⁰ When Aaron and all the Israelites saw Moses, his face was radiant, and they were afraid to come near him. ³¹But Moses called to them; so Aaron and all the leaders of the community came back to him, and he spoke to them. ³² Afterward all the Israelites came near him, and he gave them all the commands the LORD had given him on Mount Sinai.

 ³³ When Moses finished speaking to them, he put a veil over his face. ³⁴ But whenever he entered the LORD's presence to speak with him, he removed the veil until he came out. And when he came out and told the Israelites what he had been commanded, ³⁵ they saw that his face was radiant. Then Moses would put the veil back over his face until he went in to speak with the LORD.                    ~Exodus 34:29-40 NIV

Here we see that Moses was so close to God, that he was literally glowing.  His face shown so brightly that the people could not stand it and he had to cover himself.  I do not want to cover or hide myself, but I do want what Moses had.  I want to be able to be so close to God that when people look at me they see me glowing.  They see me as radiant in a way they can't explain.  I want to be in such communication, fellowship, and proximity with God that I glow.  This is how to become a man of God, (or woman) this is want I desire and long for.  This is what has caused me to be. . . desperate to glow.

P.S.  Thank you for reading.  I am that I have interested you in my life and with what I am to discover.  I plan on making this summer full of spiritual growth despite the hardships of being consumed with the summer life away from the IWU bubble.  I will try to post as regularly, interestingly, inspirationally, and excitingly as possible.  But please remember, that despite enjoying writing, I am a Computer Science major, so if there are grammar and spelling mistakes forgive me.  Many times I may be writing with a heart full of excitement trying to get my thoughts out and there will be too much to really take the time to fully edit.  If I ever turn my blog into a book I promise to edit it more.  But for now, enjoy and let me know what you think of this first post!

P.S.S GAH! My favorite internet browser, Opera, just did something horrible. It doesn't work right with blogger, (at least my version doesn't) and I ended up accidentally losing the original first post. So this is actually partially redone... o_O  

Your brother, friend, and companion in Christ,

Zachary Haas