Who is God to Me: Part 2 -- God as a lover

RELATED POST: Who is God to ME?

If you look back at one of my earlier posts you will notice that I asked myself the question "Who is God to me?"  I then went on to discuss some of the characters that make up God and how they relate to me.  Recently, in a conversation with nearly a complete stranger, an interesting concept was brought up.  She mentioned the idea of God as a lover.  This isn't the first time I have thought of something like this, but never thought of it as that word.  To be completely honest, when she first mentioned it I was caught off guard.  God? A lover?  The thought at first was awkward, but I quickly remembered the Bible.  The Bible mentions numerous places that the church is the bride of Christ (among similar notions).  For a reference to such places check out this website: http://www.jimfeeney.org/brideofchrist.html.

The first thing that made me think of the concept of God as a lover was something I heard in class or chapel.  I thought about people and facebook, and how these things could relate to God.  One of the first things I think of when I think of facebook is addiction and obsession.  However, though it is a bit awkward, I then thought of facebook stalking.  I feel if we were all honest with each other we would admit to a bit of facebook stalking at one point or another.  Think about it, who hasn't spent time looking at a guy or girls page for no reason other than they thought they liked them?  Have you ever been dating someone and then checked everything they did on facebook?  Not in a creepy or possessive way, but in a curious, cute, wanting to know them as best as possible kind of way?  Do you see where I am going?

I think if Jesus had a facebook he would want us to stalk him.  He wants us to dig into everything we can about him.  Is it a bad idea to know how Jesus is working in our friends lives, or even strangers lives?  Shouldn't we seek to know him better in every single way?  Would it really be that bad to stalk Jesus if we define stalking to be pursuing closely, following intently, desiring to know everything about, and/or obsessing over?  I think that we should.  Some people take facebook stalking to an unhealthy level of obsession and I am obviously not recommending this or encouraging it.  However, people sometimes think they love someone and then become obsessed with this "love" and unhealthily become stalkers.  Stalking a person out of love will only bring an insatiable desire for more.  However, "stalking" Jesus should only satisfy and cause a healthy hunger for more.  I know that the use of the term stalking is often negative, but I hope that you are seeing the conclusion that I am trying to make.  It makes perfects sense to me, but trying to get others to see conclusions that I have discovered is something I sometimes struggle with.

The point being, we should pursue God with the same (or more) vigilance that we do other things in our lives.  We spend every waking minute pursuing things that we love.  Some examples of things people love are: research, books, video games, music, movies, relationships, and adventure.  When we love something we have an unquenchable desire for more.  However, the problem I see is that we love things other than God.  We place God lower in our list of desires.  People who stalk people on facebook want to learn and know everything they can about a particular person.  If stalking Jesus means wanting to learn and know everything about Him, I see this as nothing but positive and wholesome.  (Ok, I realize that we need to do something with the things we learn from "stalking" Jesus, but thats a different topic, and one must start a craving Jesus first)

Hopefully you have followed me thus far with little to no confusion in the end.

Anyway, I realize that I have never been married or had a lover.  However, I have dated, and in some perhaps minuscule way this is a taste of what a lover would be.  I know that when you really like someone (at least you think) you want to spend as much time with them as possible.  Your desire to be with them becomes your greatest desire.  This is what it would be like to have Jesus/God as a lover.  God IS with us every single moment, but we are not always with Him.  Seeing God as a lover kind of puts a light into many situations.  As a matter of fact, until God is accept and seen as a lover, I am not sure humans have any right to get married.  How can we expect to be a good lover with another human if we are incapable of being a lover with the perfect Almighty?  After all, God created love, God is love, and only through Him can we ever hope to truly love.  After seeing that God is the perfect lover, and that we can be his lover, should we consider attempting to be a lover with someone else.

Another interesting thing I found was from the book Desire, by John Eldredge.  I have yet to read the book but found this from someone's facebook status a week ago. (thanks!)

"God creates mankind for intimacy with himself, as his beloved. We see it right at the start, when he gives us the highest freedom of all-the freedom to reject him. The reason is obvious: love is possible only when it is freely chosen. True love is never constrained; our hearts cannot be taken by force. So God sets out to woo his beloved..." 

Wow.  I think that basically summed it up for me when I first saw that.  After having thought about God being a lover over break, my realizations with facebook stalking, and then this status I knew that God as a lover was a great way to view Him.  This is just one more way that we can view the entire person of God.  For me, God as a lover is a challenging thing because like any relationship it is a commitment.  A commitment with God goes beyond a lifetime commitment, its eternal.  How much more important is this commitment than any one I could make with a human under the title "lover"?

1 John 4:19 says "We love because he first loved us."  My challenge this time is to consider this: God is already committed to me as being a lover, have I accepted this; do I desire to be God's lover and have Him be mine?  Personally, I choose yes, no matter the consequence, no matter the commitment, and no matter the sacrifice.  This simply means that I have to submit to God and accept Him as all His other persons as well.

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
Zach Haas

God Give Me. . . (Dear God 3)

Dear God,

Give me the strength to be what you need me to be.  Empower me beyond what I know is possible.  Grant me the words to speak, the letters to write, and the wisdom to do it in truth.  Help me to become what you want me to be.  Give me Jesus.  Make me like Jesus.  Help me to love, share, care, and serve like Jesus.  God help my friends to do the same.  Help me to influence those around me to become genuine, by making me genuine.  Give me the ability to live like Christians are supposed to.  Bless me with an ability to love beyond what I am capable of.  Genuineness  is what I need God.  Nothing I ever do will matter, not I ever do will stick, and nothing I ever do will sink if if I lack this trait.  Help me to live out every action of my life for you with integrity, without judging, without preference and without prejudice.  Give me a heart that only you can bestow.  Create in me a person that I could never hope to create myself.  Make me you, God.  Make me Jesus.  Here I am, Lord, prepare me, feed me, build me, strengthen me, impassion me, use me, send me.  Father, I need you, before I can ever truly be me.

Your son,
Zachary

It's Everywhere Lately

So during the past few weeks or less I have been coming across a similar concept.  It's an interesting concept that has been following me around lately.  It has come in different words and forms, but the best word I can use to describe it is 'influence.'  I actually talked about this a little bit in a recent post. Due to the amount of times this has recently come up in my life I have decided to write about it.

Right now the word influence has been coming to me in the form of a challenge.  The places I have found the concept are: church, chapel, class, a book I read for a class, and maybe from a professor.  Each place may have talked about it differently but the idea was still the same -- how am I influence other people, and what are they seeing in me?  How am I reflecting God?

This concept has really be challenging my character and my thoughts.  I am not really sure what to do about it.  For the most part I am a pretty strange, and ridiculous guy.  I probably influence people to be stranger and more ridiculous when they are with me.  Am I reflecting that God is strange and ridiculous?  I hope that this absurdly not so.  I haven't felt guilty or convicted in anything that I am doing to influence people, but I wonder if something is missing.

One of the things that I really envy in some people is their ability to encourage.  I am a terrible encourager.  You have got to be really needing encouragement if you are coming to me.  I can lift your spirits and help you fell better, but I am not likely going to encourage or congratulate you.  My personality just doesn't give praise and encouragement to people very well.  Encouragement is a spiritual gift, one that I fully accept I do not have.  People who have the gift of encouragement are amazing, but I hope they realizing they are working my shift as well in that area.  The point is, sometimes I worry that my inability to encourage is a personality turn-off to people.  I feel like people who are gifted with encouragement are easily seen as a positive influence.

I want to be a good influence for people.  I want to be someone that is seen as godly.  If my goal is to glow, then I believe reflecting God is precisely how to do it.  I am just a little lost with the whole concept of my influence and what people see on me.  At church they called is "Swag."  Perhaps one way to think of it is spiritually clothing.  How can I dress in clothing that will reflect God and have a positive influence on others.  I struggle with negativity.  Though, most of the time my negativity and complaints are unwarranted, over exaggerated, and/or for show, I think sometimes they rub off on people in the wrong way.  In an attempt to make light of a less than optimal situation, I cause people to feel less than optimal.  Trying to always be positive is something that I do internally and not externally.  I used to actually think of myself as mostly optimistic.  I know too many people that would describe me as anything as an optimist.  It is ok to be pessimistic sometimes, but I probably take that too far.  Sarcasm is a vile thing when used too much, as is pessimism, and complaining.

When people think of me I don't think they think exactly what I want them to think.  If I had to describe myself in one sentence from another persons perspective, it would probably be something like "Zach Haas is an often negative, weird person who complains about everything -- he's funny, but he hates everything"  Yuck.  I think that somewhere along the line I learned that negativity and complaining can be funny.  Using a similar structure I think that I wanted people to think "Zach Haas is a pretty funny guy, he always has some ridiculous problem or story to talk about -- he makes me laugh with his weirdness."  If I were to give these two sentences describing myself to my friends I think most would pick the second, but I can't help but think they really mean the first.

I believe God created humor.  I believe God loves humor.  To me, nothing in the world is as good as making someone laugh.  Seeing someone smile and hearing them laugh because of me fills me up more than anything.  I'd do anything for a laugh, which unfortunately leads to things occasionally going to far or not funny.  Nothing is worse than trying to be funny and failing.  Well, there is one thing worse, being funny one minute and offensive the next.  Thats the worst.  The bad things are what are kept and remembered most, the good is all too often forgotten.  Is the influence I am leaving with people good or bad?

We are called to be like God and like Jesus.  I don't know if it's just me, but this seems like a very vague idea.  What exactly does it mean to be like Jesus?  Does it mean walk around in robes, grow a beard, tell parables, heal people, and walk on water?  I don't think so.  I think that we are simply supposed to try and live blameless like Jesus.  Then what is blameless?  Not sinning.  What is sin?  Not following God's commands. What are God's commands?  We want specifics, but God gave us a book of commands we break daily.  How can we get more details when we fail to focus on what has been given to us in the first place.

I feel like I just got somewhere.  In case you haven't figured it out, this post was more impromptu that normal.  Most my posts are pretty impromptu, but this one was really just me thinking in writing format, kinda like a devotional "the tables open God" time.  Anyway, perhaps you haven't been following the disorganization of this post, but thats ok.  I think that I have come to some conclusion for myself.

Conclusion:  I have been thinking and perhaps even worrying about my influence and "appearance" (appearance in the way that people see God reflecting from me, not trying to look good and show off to people) to others.  I have also been trying to figure out if there is something that I have been doing wrong or something I could do differently.  It has almost been bothering me and the more I hear it from places the more I think about it.  Then it hit me while I was writing the paragraph about being like Jesus.  My devotional life sucks right now.  Beyond occasional focused prayer (I pray constantly throughout most days, but thats different and not special dedicated time to God), I haven't done much at all.  To try and think of the last time I read the Bible just to read it, is too depressing.  I do more Bible searching and studying than just time dedicated to God and reading.  Why shouldn't I be worried about influence, my reflection, my "Swag", when I am not getting enough influence from God myself?  It's all starting to make more sense to me now.  I need to work on my devotional life.  Period. And then see how things change.

My challenge for this post is to check yourself.  How are you influencing people?  How are you reflecting God?  How is your devotional life?  Perhaps you should make some changes to.

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zach Haas

Sunday, God's House, Frisbee

I am a pretty big fan of Sundays.  I love them.  First, I get to go to church.  As a younger kid I never thought that I would learn to actually look forward to going to church every Sunday.  But now, Sunday mornings are my favorite part of the week.  I currently attend God's House out here and Marion and I love it.  It is a VERY different and somewhat unconventional church, but it's one of the most real churches I have ever been to.  It mainly consists of college students with a few Sundays having a heavy adult populace.  I just really like how there is nothing to hide and how they are so open.  Do I think that sometimes they take things a little too far? Well maybe.  Especially when they throw together their random conversations after the service is technically over.  At times they may be a little risqué even for me.  Nonetheless, I always feel inspired and like I got something from the service.  This is actually the start of this post.  God's house today.

 Last week Pastor Ryan started a series that he called "Swag".  I think the idea behind the word is recognizing who you are and what you reflect to others.  I believe it is somewhere along the lines of walking to walk.  Todays definition of Swag was "How I live that illuminates God.  Who I am that says who God is."  This is certainly an interesting thing to think about.  What about me reflect God?  And is that thing about me reflecting God well?  Anyone who has ever spent time with me can see that I love to spread joy.  I love to make people laugh at whatever expense.  Yes, this occasionally gets taken too far, but I love being silly to get a positive reaction from people.  I think this is a positive way to reflect God.  Perhaps I like the word "illuminate" that was used -- kinda reminds me of glowing.  How do I glow in a way that people see God on me/through me?  Pastor Ryan claims to have invented the Platinum rule: Do unto others as it they were you.  An interesting change to the Golden Rule, and a good place to start.  Philippians 2:14-16 (Actually, just the very end of verse 15) was used in the sermon.

 14 Do everything without grumbling or arguing, 15 so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.”[a] Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky 16 as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain.

Yeouch.  Kinda wish that I didn't look up the verse, could have really done without verse 14.  Looks like I still have some serious work to do there.  What an incredible challenge for many of us.  But don't stop at 14!  Observe the rewards!  The part about shining like starts was the part on the sermon notes, and what a reward.  I would fully enjoy having a "Swag" that shone like the stars.  Along the same lines and another part of the sermon was Jesus turning over the tables in the temple.  At first you may wonder what these things have in common.  The challenge posed to the congregation was to consider what tables we would turn over.  We are defined by the tables we turn over.  Its interesting to think that there are things as Christians that SHOULD make us angry.  Jesus himself was angry.  What parts of the world make us angry?  What parts should make us angry?  These things can be different for everyone.  For me one of the things that makes me angry are youth groups that provide dry shallow messages every week.  There is nothing to learn from the same stale simple message if you are a stronger Christian.  There are some people that might need the simple "Jesus Loves You" message, but why not just challenge the spiritually young with the spiritual best?  Why not set the bar high?  This is one of the reasons that I have consider doing something in youth ministry.  To bring seriousness and depth to "easy going" youth groups.  That would be one of my primary goals as a youth leader.  Inspire to be the best, to take steps of faith and not just hop up and down in the same safe, comfortable spot.  This is my table to turn, what is yours?

 The second thing that I like about Sundays is that I often get the opportunity to play Frisbee with some great people.  There is nothing like playing Frisbee with a bunch of Christians.  Sometimes the games get a little serious or intense, but most the time it is some great Christian fellowship with some safe competition.  The group is completely open to everyone no matter the age or skill level.  I have seen kids around age 10 play with us weekly to an occasional guy probably near 30 playing.  These games are something that I will greatly miss after my time at IWU is over.  This type of community is not something that is found everywhere.  Another thing that I really enjoy about Frisbee is that I am pretty good at it.  I am not the best, but I feel like I look pretty good most the time out there and it provides a healthy humble amount of confidence.

The one thing that I don't like about Sundays is Monday being the next day.  There is nothing inherently wrong with Monday, but I never have my homework done on time.  I always find myself staying up really late to finish some kind of work I put off all weekend.  Not this week though.  I was done with my assignments before midnight, and I even managed to get ahead in a few classes on Saturday.  I am weeks behind on my senior project, but that will come.  For right now, life is all right.  Could always be better, but could always be worse.  I am content.  Especially when I get to start off with a good message Sunday mornings.  Sunday, my favorite day of the week.

My challenge this time is to encourage people to think about what makes them angry.  Angry in a spiritual way, angry in a way to inspire action.  The greatest enemy to "Swag" is passivity, and passivity is fed by excuses.

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
Zach Haas

So where now?

For anyone that was slightly concerned after my last post, let me explain that life has slowed downed a little -- sorta.  At least I am able to get to a place in my head that isn't quite as "upset" with God.  You can probably use any version of upset you want.

Allow me to be real for a moment.  In the past month I have been very angry with God.  Angry to the point where I would use the word livid.  I wonder (and am fairly certain) if others have ever been that upset with God.  If we are honest with ourselves, how many of us have been so angry with God we didn't know what to do or think?  I can honestly say that I was so angry with God I would have yelled at Him in the face.  I know there are times in the Bible where people have complained to God and argued and debated with God, but I can't recall at any point someone actually yelling at God out of anger and frustration.  Point being, I am sure I am not the only one who has been furious with God.

Heres an interesting thing about me though, that almost causes me to believe in the once saved almost saved principle.  I think that I may be blessed with the spiritual gift of faith, or at least belief.  There is nothing that can happen in my life that will ever cause me to doubt that God exists and that he is there.  Not even being so angry that I would have probably gotten into a fist fight with Him.  (Interestingly enough, Jacob did in fact wrestle with God in some kind of physical manner).  No, I have never been able to convince myself that God is not real and that God is not there.  To some people this might sound like an amazing thing to have such faith.  However, let me re-inform everyone that Satan himself and all demons have COMPLETELY unshakable belief that God exists.  Yes, at times it is great to have faith in God in all circumstances no matter what, but let me tell you it is the exact opposite when you are angry with God.  Having unshakable belief that God can do anything in His all powerful awesomeness only feeds anger when you are pleading with Him for direction.  Thus when I am trying to figure out what God is doing and why in my life during the hard times, this faith can actually be difficult to work with.

That said, I have managed to work through at least some of the issues I was dealing with at the time of my last post.  I still don't have nearly everything answered, and actually have a few new interesting questions to think about, but none of which are as stressful as the ones of the past.  One of my biggest pet peeves in the world is not knowing how to do something.  Generally this applies to school work and academia.  I'm not talking about things that I can learn, I am talking about things that I can't figure out no matter how many hours I spend on them.  Things like this are the most discouraging, frustrating things that I ever deal with in life.  Not knowing how to do things brings me down to a level that nothing else can.  Not making progress on something after a long time depresses me in unimaginable ways.  This is what was weighing me down at my last post.

As I mentioned, I have moved on from the last post.  However, now I find myself and a new and curios life position.  Recently I had to register for classes, which of course is never easy of fun.  Well, this time I wanted to take a class in a major that I wasn't a part of and ended up having to talk to the chair of the department -- a Dr. Steve Lennox.  During our brief conversation I was able to finally talk to someone who would listen to what I might want to do with my life, and have the ability to respond in a useful way.  But I was challenged with something completely new.  I told him that the reason I wanted to take the class was because I was thinking of maybe coming back to get a minor in youth ministry.  To my surprise he asked me why I would "waste" my time doing that -- when I could just go to seminary and get a masters!  I told him that I thought you had to have a degree in ministry to do that he said no, all you need is a bachelors degree in anything.  Most of my mature(er) thinking life I have questioned the idea of working in a youth group in some form.  Unknown to probably anyone, this is actually part of the reason I came  to IWU.  I considered majoring in Youth Ministries in the first place, but felt as though God was telling me that I was allowed to make a decision and trust that He would be with me no matter what.  (This is something else I was seriously struggling with last post when I was hating my major classes).  I have never wanted to make Youth Pastoring my career.  I wanted to do it voluntarily as my ministry to God.  This obviously meant that I needed to make money somehow, and thats where Computer Science came in.  I don't know if a day has gone by that I have wondered if I made the right decision but I was trusting God.  Some people seem to have a problem with my aspirations.  They say things like you can't work in a ministry and not make it your full time career.  These people are naive and need to grow up, get a life, and leave their little bubble because you have a HUGE chunk of reality coming your way.  I know plenty of people that have become ministry leaders with NO training.  As a matter of fact, one of my life role models was my first youth pastor who had no real training in doing what he did.  Also, plenty of small churches do not hire people to work in their ministry and run solely on volunteers.

Anyway, after that little rant, what I am getting at is that I am at a very interesting point in my life.  I graduate in one semester and there are another number of roads to take.  Dr. Lennox told me that the question I need to think about now is whether or not I am called to youth ministry because if I am then nothing else will suffice, but if I am not then it will not work out.  I will have to commit a lot of prayer to this for sure.  Going to seminary was never something that I seriously thought about, but when he brought it up I couldn't help but become curious.  I could still come back and just get a minor in youth ministries as well, but he said that would actually be more expensive.  These are a couple of new things in my life that I need to think about for sure.  I know right now, the Youth Ministry class I am in right now, Youth Evangelism and Discipleship, has been one of my favorite, most inspiring, and motivating classes I have ever taken at college.  I can't help but think that this might mean something as well.

So, if you read all this I think that you should pray that God makes clear what the steps are that I should take.  I will be praying about this a lot.  Choosing to pursue ministry will mean a lot of changes in my life and will change probably a lot of my friendships.  These things are not things that bother me if I am certain God wants me to go there.  I think this decision might be a little bigger than trusting that God will be with me no matter what.  I think this one requires a little direction.  So with that, feel free to pray for me in this issue.  And thanks for reading.

My challenge to you is to pray honestly.  If you truly feel like I'm crazy for thinking that ministry is a direction I should take, then don't pray otherwise.  But if you think that I might be good at something like this, then pray indeed, and feel free to encourage me in this is well, support from others in a call to ministry is a big deal -- Dr. Lennox said that is a good sign, if people think you might be good at it.

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
Zach Haas

What if I was Wrong?

I am coming to the realization that I may have been wrong -- dead wrong.  For the last four years even.  Maybe I was stupid to interpret it as God saying "do what you want and trust I will be with you."  Maybe that, among other things, were my own projections of what I wanted to hear.  Perhaps I have never actually ever heard or understood God and it has always been my own self projections of what I wanted God to say.  At this point in my life it is certainly feeling that way.  Everything (or at least all the biggest things) that I have thought to have been messages from God have turned or to be wrong, or at least appear to be.  With so many things going not the way I want them too or think they should I can't help but wonder if everything I ever knew of God was wrong.  I thought I had a pretty good understanding and ability to discern what He was saying.  Now, I have no idea.  The major parts of my life that were suppose to be oh so God given have blown up in my face in difficulties beyond anything I ever imagined.  I can't see what the future of my life will be right now.  Where will I be in 10 years? 5 years?  Heck, I can't even think of where I will be or where I want to be in 7 months.  I thought that I was trusting that whatever I did all I had to do was trust that God was going to be with me.  I thought I was being allowed to make a choice based on my trust.  Now however, I can't help but think that was just a projection of what I wanted to hear or what I wanted to believe.  Maybe God had a different plan for me that  wasn't exactly what I wanted to do but was close to what I wanted to do.  So instead of doing exactly what God wanted me to do I justified only doing partially what God wanted me to do thinking that what I wanted was what God wanted.  This may sound selfish, but it really wasn't ever a selfish thing or justifying exactly what I wanted to do.  I truly believed that I was doing what God wanted, but now I can't help but think maybe I was projecting what I wanted onto God.  There is always the chance that I am over thinking all this, but I really don't know right now.  Things are pretty falling apart right now.  (Not proper English sentence I know, but whatever).  I thought I knew how to hear God, but now I am beginning to wonder if I have ever actually heard Him at all.

Been Over a Month

Well readers, it has been over a month since I last wrote something up.  Partially I have been busy with this new semester.  And partially I have been dealing with life.  Lots of changes, realizations and problems.  Its hard to think that in only six months I will be graduating and moving on with "real" life.  A good question now is where am I going and what am I doing.  My answer is simple -- God will provide, and God will direct.  He hasn't failed before, and he has answered my requests in the past.  I have little reason to doubt his answers.  I can't think of anything major to write about right now so I am just going to dig up something that I've been carrying around for a while.  Take a look at Proverbs 24:1-22, and here I will share my thoughts:

Proverbs 24

1 Do not envy wicked men,
do not desire their company;

This is an interesting warning.  I feel like this is something that every Christian deals with at one point or another.  How often do evil things look nice or pleasing.  To take it a step farther into the extreme, how often do we think about life being easier on the other side?  I know that I have thought in the past that being a non-Christian would be easier.  I could live life serving myself, looking out for myself, and taking care of myself.  Without God, there is no reason to not be selfish.  Why would I care about anyone or the way anyone felt as long as I was happy and getting what I want.  Without Christ's example to guide and direct my life, I believe that I would be a truly terrible person.

2 for their hearts plot violence,
and their lips talk about making trouble.

3 By wisdom a house is built,
and through understanding it is established;

4 through knowledge its rooms are filled
with rare and beautiful treasures.

5 A wise man has great power,
and a man of knowledge increases strength;

6 for waging war you need guidance,
and for victory many advisers.

7 Wisdom is too high for a fool;
in the assembly at the gate he has nothing to say.

8 He who plots evil
will be known as a schemer.

9 The schemes of folly are sin,
and men detest a mocker.

10 If you falter in times of trouble,
how small is your strength!

Whoa! Check out verse 10.  This is one of those spiritual punches in the face.  How many times in my life have I faltered in times of trouble?  Yes, I can think of times that I was able to stand in the confidence of the Lord, but how many times have I faltered or wavered?  It hurts a little to think about things like this.

11 Rescue those being led away to death;
hold back those staggering toward slaughter.

12 If you say, "But we knew nothing about this,"
does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?
Does not he who guards your life know it?
Will he not repay each person according to what he has done?

13 Eat honey, my son, for it is good;
honey from the comb is sweet to your taste.

14 Know also that wisdom is sweet to your soul;
if you find it, there is a future hope for you,
and your hope will not be cut off.

15 Do not lie in wait like an outlaw against a righteous man's house,
do not raid his dwelling place;

16 for though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again,
 but the wicked are brought down by calamity.

Here is a small amount of reassurance after verse 10.  A righteous man rises again.  I pray that this is something that is seen in me.  When others see me fall or struggle, what joy it would be for them to think or say "There is a truly righteous man.  He falls, and fails, yet after is able to stand up again in the Lord's grace and mercy."

 17 Do not gloat when your enemy falls;
when he stumbles, do not let your heart rejoice,

18 or the LORD will see and disapprove
and turn his wrath away from him.

Oh Proverbs, you never fail at providing wisdom.  What a hard thing this is.  Sometimes we feel that people get what they deserve.  Perhaps we even wish some kind of doom upon someone.  How difficult it can be to not take a small amount of pleasure from an enemy's misfortune.  God is just, but I don't think this means that I am suppose to rejoice when God's delivers judgment against an unkind person.  I suppose that it is ok to thank God for His judgment, but we should definitely be careful.

19 Do not fret because of evil men
or be envious of the wicked,

20 for the evil man has no future hope,
and the lamp of the wicked will be snuffed out.

21 Fear the LORD and the king, my son,
and do not join with the rebellious,

22 for those two will send sudden destruction upon them,
and who knows what calamities they can bring?

My ending thoughts focus on the being envious of the wicked.  I find it to be difficult sometimes to not want what the world has.  I know that I am called to a higher calling; that I am supposed to be in the world not of the world.  Being a follower of Jesus does not mean that I lose my desires for earthly pleasures and earthly fun.  When I see people enjoying life in their way I can't help but wonder what their joy feels like.  I know first hand that there is a difference between earthly joy and the joy that comes from God.  There was a time in my life that I feel like God truly allowed me to experience the life on a non-Christian.  I have known the Lord for essentially my entire life.  I have never known what it would really be like to live without that sense of hope.  However, for a brief time in my life I was traveling down a bad path.  After walking this bad path for some time, I believe God had enough.  It was as if he was stepping back from me saying "Fine, you want to know what its like to have worldly joy? Here.  I will step aside for a time."  And God did.  Let me tell you it was the strangest and most awkward couple of weeks of my entire life.  It was an incredible time of growth for me, but also one of the scariest feelings I ever faced.  I knew what it was like to not have the hope, joy, and peace that  God brings to our lives.  I knew exactly how it felt to live without God.  For those of you who are like me and have been Christians your entire lives; let me assure you, it is a terrible feeling.  I have never experienced a sense of emptiness and hopelessness that I felt those few weeks.  I could find happiness, sure.  But there was an ever present feeling of purposelessness, and hopelessness.  After just a few days I prayed to the Lord for forgiveness and begged for "Him" back, but God said "Wait."  I couldn't understand.  My whole life God had been there, he was my pal, my buddy, my right hand man, but not anymore.  God was stepping back and showing me what it was like to live life without the Holy Spirit I think.  Instead of filling me when I first asked he made me wait.  I think God wanted me to really understand what it was like to live life set apart from him.

It is truly foolish to be jealous of the world and of worldly people.  However, I believe that everyone is foolish at some point in our life.  We all make bad stupid spur of the moment decisions that bring us pain, regret, and remorse in the end.  Sometimes we even do things knowing full well how we will feel after.  How is it that we possess the ability to set God completely aside and do what we want?  Sure God will forgive us, but it has to be the hardest thing to forgive someone that intentionally pushed you aside so that you could enjoy a brief moment alone.  Ah, just another reason that I am glad that God is God, and that I am not.

Thanks for reading, I hope that you enjoyed it and gained a little something from it -- as always.

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zachary Haas