Sunday, God's House, Frisbee

I am a pretty big fan of Sundays.  I love them.  First, I get to go to church.  As a younger kid I never thought that I would learn to actually look forward to going to church every Sunday.  But now, Sunday mornings are my favorite part of the week.  I currently attend God's House out here and Marion and I love it.  It is a VERY different and somewhat unconventional church, but it's one of the most real churches I have ever been to.  It mainly consists of college students with a few Sundays having a heavy adult populace.  I just really like how there is nothing to hide and how they are so open.  Do I think that sometimes they take things a little too far? Well maybe.  Especially when they throw together their random conversations after the service is technically over.  At times they may be a little risqué even for me.  Nonetheless, I always feel inspired and like I got something from the service.  This is actually the start of this post.  God's house today.

 Last week Pastor Ryan started a series that he called "Swag".  I think the idea behind the word is recognizing who you are and what you reflect to others.  I believe it is somewhere along the lines of walking to walk.  Todays definition of Swag was "How I live that illuminates God.  Who I am that says who God is."  This is certainly an interesting thing to think about.  What about me reflect God?  And is that thing about me reflecting God well?  Anyone who has ever spent time with me can see that I love to spread joy.  I love to make people laugh at whatever expense.  Yes, this occasionally gets taken too far, but I love being silly to get a positive reaction from people.  I think this is a positive way to reflect God.  Perhaps I like the word "illuminate" that was used -- kinda reminds me of glowing.  How do I glow in a way that people see God on me/through me?  Pastor Ryan claims to have invented the Platinum rule: Do unto others as it they were you.  An interesting change to the Golden Rule, and a good place to start.  Philippians 2:14-16 (Actually, just the very end of verse 15) was used in the sermon.

 14 Do everything without grumbling or arguing, 15 so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.”[a] Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky 16 as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain.

Yeouch.  Kinda wish that I didn't look up the verse, could have really done without verse 14.  Looks like I still have some serious work to do there.  What an incredible challenge for many of us.  But don't stop at 14!  Observe the rewards!  The part about shining like starts was the part on the sermon notes, and what a reward.  I would fully enjoy having a "Swag" that shone like the stars.  Along the same lines and another part of the sermon was Jesus turning over the tables in the temple.  At first you may wonder what these things have in common.  The challenge posed to the congregation was to consider what tables we would turn over.  We are defined by the tables we turn over.  Its interesting to think that there are things as Christians that SHOULD make us angry.  Jesus himself was angry.  What parts of the world make us angry?  What parts should make us angry?  These things can be different for everyone.  For me one of the things that makes me angry are youth groups that provide dry shallow messages every week.  There is nothing to learn from the same stale simple message if you are a stronger Christian.  There are some people that might need the simple "Jesus Loves You" message, but why not just challenge the spiritually young with the spiritual best?  Why not set the bar high?  This is one of the reasons that I have consider doing something in youth ministry.  To bring seriousness and depth to "easy going" youth groups.  That would be one of my primary goals as a youth leader.  Inspire to be the best, to take steps of faith and not just hop up and down in the same safe, comfortable spot.  This is my table to turn, what is yours?

 The second thing that I like about Sundays is that I often get the opportunity to play Frisbee with some great people.  There is nothing like playing Frisbee with a bunch of Christians.  Sometimes the games get a little serious or intense, but most the time it is some great Christian fellowship with some safe competition.  The group is completely open to everyone no matter the age or skill level.  I have seen kids around age 10 play with us weekly to an occasional guy probably near 30 playing.  These games are something that I will greatly miss after my time at IWU is over.  This type of community is not something that is found everywhere.  Another thing that I really enjoy about Frisbee is that I am pretty good at it.  I am not the best, but I feel like I look pretty good most the time out there and it provides a healthy humble amount of confidence.

The one thing that I don't like about Sundays is Monday being the next day.  There is nothing inherently wrong with Monday, but I never have my homework done on time.  I always find myself staying up really late to finish some kind of work I put off all weekend.  Not this week though.  I was done with my assignments before midnight, and I even managed to get ahead in a few classes on Saturday.  I am weeks behind on my senior project, but that will come.  For right now, life is all right.  Could always be better, but could always be worse.  I am content.  Especially when I get to start off with a good message Sunday mornings.  Sunday, my favorite day of the week.

My challenge this time is to encourage people to think about what makes them angry.  Angry in a spiritual way, angry in a way to inspire action.  The greatest enemy to "Swag" is passivity, and passivity is fed by excuses.

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
Zach Haas

So where now?

For anyone that was slightly concerned after my last post, let me explain that life has slowed downed a little -- sorta.  At least I am able to get to a place in my head that isn't quite as "upset" with God.  You can probably use any version of upset you want.

Allow me to be real for a moment.  In the past month I have been very angry with God.  Angry to the point where I would use the word livid.  I wonder (and am fairly certain) if others have ever been that upset with God.  If we are honest with ourselves, how many of us have been so angry with God we didn't know what to do or think?  I can honestly say that I was so angry with God I would have yelled at Him in the face.  I know there are times in the Bible where people have complained to God and argued and debated with God, but I can't recall at any point someone actually yelling at God out of anger and frustration.  Point being, I am sure I am not the only one who has been furious with God.

Heres an interesting thing about me though, that almost causes me to believe in the once saved almost saved principle.  I think that I may be blessed with the spiritual gift of faith, or at least belief.  There is nothing that can happen in my life that will ever cause me to doubt that God exists and that he is there.  Not even being so angry that I would have probably gotten into a fist fight with Him.  (Interestingly enough, Jacob did in fact wrestle with God in some kind of physical manner).  No, I have never been able to convince myself that God is not real and that God is not there.  To some people this might sound like an amazing thing to have such faith.  However, let me re-inform everyone that Satan himself and all demons have COMPLETELY unshakable belief that God exists.  Yes, at times it is great to have faith in God in all circumstances no matter what, but let me tell you it is the exact opposite when you are angry with God.  Having unshakable belief that God can do anything in His all powerful awesomeness only feeds anger when you are pleading with Him for direction.  Thus when I am trying to figure out what God is doing and why in my life during the hard times, this faith can actually be difficult to work with.

That said, I have managed to work through at least some of the issues I was dealing with at the time of my last post.  I still don't have nearly everything answered, and actually have a few new interesting questions to think about, but none of which are as stressful as the ones of the past.  One of my biggest pet peeves in the world is not knowing how to do something.  Generally this applies to school work and academia.  I'm not talking about things that I can learn, I am talking about things that I can't figure out no matter how many hours I spend on them.  Things like this are the most discouraging, frustrating things that I ever deal with in life.  Not knowing how to do things brings me down to a level that nothing else can.  Not making progress on something after a long time depresses me in unimaginable ways.  This is what was weighing me down at my last post.

As I mentioned, I have moved on from the last post.  However, now I find myself and a new and curios life position.  Recently I had to register for classes, which of course is never easy of fun.  Well, this time I wanted to take a class in a major that I wasn't a part of and ended up having to talk to the chair of the department -- a Dr. Steve Lennox.  During our brief conversation I was able to finally talk to someone who would listen to what I might want to do with my life, and have the ability to respond in a useful way.  But I was challenged with something completely new.  I told him that the reason I wanted to take the class was because I was thinking of maybe coming back to get a minor in youth ministry.  To my surprise he asked me why I would "waste" my time doing that -- when I could just go to seminary and get a masters!  I told him that I thought you had to have a degree in ministry to do that he said no, all you need is a bachelors degree in anything.  Most of my mature(er) thinking life I have questioned the idea of working in a youth group in some form.  Unknown to probably anyone, this is actually part of the reason I came  to IWU.  I considered majoring in Youth Ministries in the first place, but felt as though God was telling me that I was allowed to make a decision and trust that He would be with me no matter what.  (This is something else I was seriously struggling with last post when I was hating my major classes).  I have never wanted to make Youth Pastoring my career.  I wanted to do it voluntarily as my ministry to God.  This obviously meant that I needed to make money somehow, and thats where Computer Science came in.  I don't know if a day has gone by that I have wondered if I made the right decision but I was trusting God.  Some people seem to have a problem with my aspirations.  They say things like you can't work in a ministry and not make it your full time career.  These people are naive and need to grow up, get a life, and leave their little bubble because you have a HUGE chunk of reality coming your way.  I know plenty of people that have become ministry leaders with NO training.  As a matter of fact, one of my life role models was my first youth pastor who had no real training in doing what he did.  Also, plenty of small churches do not hire people to work in their ministry and run solely on volunteers.

Anyway, after that little rant, what I am getting at is that I am at a very interesting point in my life.  I graduate in one semester and there are another number of roads to take.  Dr. Lennox told me that the question I need to think about now is whether or not I am called to youth ministry because if I am then nothing else will suffice, but if I am not then it will not work out.  I will have to commit a lot of prayer to this for sure.  Going to seminary was never something that I seriously thought about, but when he brought it up I couldn't help but become curious.  I could still come back and just get a minor in youth ministries as well, but he said that would actually be more expensive.  These are a couple of new things in my life that I need to think about for sure.  I know right now, the Youth Ministry class I am in right now, Youth Evangelism and Discipleship, has been one of my favorite, most inspiring, and motivating classes I have ever taken at college.  I can't help but think that this might mean something as well.

So, if you read all this I think that you should pray that God makes clear what the steps are that I should take.  I will be praying about this a lot.  Choosing to pursue ministry will mean a lot of changes in my life and will change probably a lot of my friendships.  These things are not things that bother me if I am certain God wants me to go there.  I think this decision might be a little bigger than trusting that God will be with me no matter what.  I think this one requires a little direction.  So with that, feel free to pray for me in this issue.  And thanks for reading.

My challenge to you is to pray honestly.  If you truly feel like I'm crazy for thinking that ministry is a direction I should take, then don't pray otherwise.  But if you think that I might be good at something like this, then pray indeed, and feel free to encourage me in this is well, support from others in a call to ministry is a big deal -- Dr. Lennox said that is a good sign, if people think you might be good at it.

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
Zach Haas

Dear God 2

Dear God,

I don't even know where to start.  So many things have happened.  So many things have changed.  That which was once clear is now so dark and empty.  God what happened?  I thought that I had things figured out?  I thought that I was learning and growing.  More importantly, I thought that I was actually hearing you.  I thought I knew what you were telling me and I knew what I had to do.  Was I always wrong?  Was I just making things up and hearing what I wanted to hear?  Or was I really hearing you and I just confused it all myself.  God I am so lost now.  I was feeling really great that I was learning and growing and communicating with you so much.  But now, I don't know what to think.  Have I been fooling myself?  Have I just been making everything up to myself?

And what about recently . . . God we weren't on the greatest of terms.  Is it ok to sometimes actually hate your ways?  I know this sounds sacrilegious but don't we all at some point?  Perhaps hate is a strong word, but even Jesus didn't like the fact that he had to die on a cross.  Is it ok for me to severely dislike some of the laws of nature and other aspects like that?  Can I dislike the life that we are supposed to live and carry out because we are in a fallen world?  Can I be upset because things aren't perfect?  Is that ok?  God, I do not want to be upset with you or your ways.  I want to be happy and accepting, but right now I just feel so lost and confused.  How can all this be the result of so much seeking and learning?  How can so many things have changed in so little time.  All that I once loved is changing or gone completely.  God I know that we often face tests and trials but what is this?

Even now though Lord, I am humbled.  I am almost ashamed to believe that earlier today I was so upset with you and the way things were currently going in my life.  I was so angry because of the problems I was having and was becoming bitter towards everything.  But God, you humbled me showing me that my problems should be considered nothing when compared to what some other people are going through.  Yes my problems were real, yes my problems were shared by many, but my problems were more or less temporary.  God people are struggling with death and the loss of loved ones and friends.  I have lost a dear relationship, but no life has been lost.  God I can't imagine what these people are going through.  I am now ashamed to think that my problems were so "big" that I was hating your created world.

I am still lost Lord and confused beyond belief, but there are more important things that I need to pray for right now.  God you brought my sister back home from Florida but she has yet to change.  So there is that.  I know people who are dealing with a lost life of a friend and family member.  So theres that.  The issues in my life over the past few weeks are important God, but the issues of yesterday are so stupid and trivial compared to what other people are dealing with.

God I pray that you be with those closest to me that need comfort, rest, encouragement and just a relaxing presence from you.  But God I need some answers.  The biggest problem with needing answers is the fact that I thought I was getting some.  I thought I knew how to hear you, I thought I knew how to listen, but it is seeming like I was wrong.  What I heard from you was apparently wrong in a number of things in my life.  So I guess the first thing that needs to happen is change in me.  Change me to be able to hear what you are actually saying God.  I thought that you were being very clear to me and I thought that I had been seeing things that were for you and from you but I guess that I was sadly wrong.  God I really just don't know what to think or do right now.  Where am I supposed to go, what am I supposed to do?  Clearly, I am still wrestling with you, despite having thought I was around that.

Amen.

Church Today

So today is Sunday.  That means that it was church day.  I'd have to say, I am a pretty big fan of my church back home.  We have a pretty amazing pastor.  We have been going through a series on the family.  Today, was anger with one another.  He talked about how outward expression of anger should be dealt with through a process.  He actually had a diagram of a start with each point being of significance.  The five points from start to finish are : Affirmation of the person, Importance of the relationship, The stress their action is causing, Your requested action, and Reaffirmation of the person.

I personally thought this was an interesting concept on how to deal with anger.  Not only does this method truly show the person that you are angry, it also shows that you are maturely trying to deal with it and you genuinely care about it.  I know that there have been times in my life where I was really angry with people that are very close to me.  It is very easy to just become bitter, or let the issue stew.  This is not really a healthy approach.   Thankfully, I do not become truly angry very often.  I am generally a passive person and will let things slide and ignore them unless real action is necessary.

Occasionally something will really upset me and I will have to deal with it.  I want to try and keep this model in mind and see how it works with people that are close to me.  It makes sense to me.  Generally when I am mad at someone I am looking for a resolution, not a fight.  This "Star" method seems to be able to provide a perfect solution.  Do not downcast the person, instead affirm them and tell them whats wrong.  Sounds great to me.

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zachary Haas