A Quick Thought/Find Nothing More...

The sin of apostasy, then, is always a grim possibility within the covenant community. The apostate may be baptized, as was Simon the Sorcerer. He may be occupied in Christian labors, as was Demas. He may be one of the Twelve, as was Judas. He may be a leader in the community. He may be a member of a most upstanding family. He may be a preacher. He may be endowed with charismatic gifts. He may be a healer of the sick. He may have the power to cast out demons. He may have grown up in a Christian home and had the benefit of a Christian education. Yet, his heart is far from the One he professes to serve.

Scary.

Life Changes... or Sucks

As I have just experience and enormous change in my life I think that I will be taking a break from my blog for a while.  I need to do some rethinking and praying I guess.  I don't know what to really think right now.  Clearly I was wrong... and I don't know how many things I was wrong about and what I was wrong about.  I'm going to take some time before coming back.  Sorry.  Not sure many people really read my blog that frequently anyway.

-Zach

Spiritual Gifts Assessment: Part 1

 All right here it is. The blog that I first mentioned nearly a week ago. This may even end up being a two part blog in order to keep it at some kind of reasonable length.

  Anyway, many of you may remember me at lunch or dinner talking about how much I don't care for personality tests. I took psychology last fall and there were a number of these survey tests that told you who you are. I generally think they are a bunch of hullabaloo just because of their format and inaccuracy prone tendencies. Well, despite not liking survey type tests I took a Spiritual Gifts test about a week and a half ago and was rather surprised with the results. I will list them here and talk a little about each one and how I think they apply to me. I was shocked at what I found. I would like to mention before I start that there were actually two different tests, one directed to adults, the other towards teens. I will start with the adult listed from highest to least highest. (http://www.kodachrome.org/spiritgift/)

  1. Discernment – This was not surprising to me really at all. I have noticed this gift in my life as most prevalent over all others. More recently, I may have realized a specialized version of this gift in my life. It is something that I am currently looking into and praying about, but I think that I may have the ability to “judge” people before ever talking to them or knowing them. I don't know exactly how to explain this but I first became aware of this gift when I heard someone talking about the ability to see colors on other people. Actually, when I first heard about the color thing I sorta shrugged it off as weird and making really no sense. However, recently I was randomly thinking about it and started wondering if it wasn't weird at all. Further more I started to think I may have the same ability, though I wouldn't use the word color. I did some more research on the matter and found that the person who could see colors on people had a slightly different gift but still very similar. The best way I can describe it is that I can sometimes sense the good or bad on people. I can generally sense this either by seeing them or hearing them say just a few sentences. I have talked to people before and been around them and was just uncomfortable. I could tell there was something wrong about them or something not right.

  Another example of my discernment ability came to me when I was sitting in a “mega” church. My whole life I have grown up in a small church where I knew everyone by name. This has always been where I found God and where I was comfortable worshiping. I have never really thought bad about big churches but at the same time was never a fan. The first time I ever went to Central Wesleyan Church in Holland Michigan I was just amazed at is size and splendor. The second time I went I had a slightly different experience. I was sitting there in the pew not really thinking about the message that much when I had a feeling from God. There was a sense of peace around me. Then it was almost as if God was saying to me “Do you not see me here? Yes Zachary, this is not what you are used too and this is not what you prefer, but do you not see me? I am here. Feel my presence. I am here in this church working just as I am in your small church back home. There is nothing wrong with this large church as their focus is on me and I am with them.” Part of me felt guilty, but at the same time more just very content. I never doubted that God could use and was in big churches. But this was a really neat experience, especially since this was my girlfriends church! Big churches have their place in the world. They have resources and abilities that small churches will never have. I believe each are important and play their role in the kingdom of God.

  2. Pastoring – This one came as kind of a surprise, but not in the way you might think. This has been something that I have juggled in my mind ever since I was 12 years old. Of course, most of me wants to believe that what I thought when I was 12 was weak and immature. However, the idea of being a spiritual leader has never really left me. This is something that I am almost certain is not something that I am supposed to explore yet. Especially since I have been trying to take intro to youth ministries ever since I was a freshman and haven't been able to fit it into my class schedule. I've never really considered becoming an actual pastor. My heart has always been more for teenagers. However, after having been in a small group of young adults this summer, my passion may be changing slightly. I still love the idea of being able to help and guide teens, but leading a group of young adults is becoming very appealing to me. However, I still don't think it is my time yet to be involved in these areas. I do feel that God wants me to do something with this eventually, but not now, and I am okay with that. I also think that to do many of the things that I'd want to do, I may need to get married first – and marriage is not really on my horizon right now either.

   2. (There was a tie) Faith – This was definitely the most surprising to me of all the answers. Faith? First of all, I have never thought of myself as a person with great faith. Second, I thought that faith was essential to Christianity. I didn't realize that there was a spiritual gift of faith until this test. Hebrews 11 is a cool chapter about faith if anyone is interested. According to the website that I took the test at they defined the spiritual gift of faith as: “The special conviction God gives to some to be firmly persuaded of God's power and promises to accomplish His will and purpose and to display such a confidence in Him and His Word that circumstances and obstacles do not shake that conviction.” I like this definition and can see how this is prevalent in my life. I was surprised to see how accurately the gift of faith fits into my life and who I see myself as. I also know that this is the gift that will take the most work for me to maintain and use. I can see that I can be a person of faith, but I can also see how easy it would be to waste this gift. This is a really cool discovery for me and definitely something I will be looking into more with great interest.

  3. Poverty – Okay, I know I said faith was the most surprising find of my gifts, but this was definitely the most scary. When I first read this I thought “OH NO! God, I don't want this gift. I don't want to live in poverty and be poor my whole life, please tell me it isn't so!” However, as I read the description of it more I was calmed and satisfied. The spiritual gift of poverty can mean that you are called to live among people. It may mean that you have the means necessary to live higher, but choose to live lower in order to better relate to people. I love this idea. I do not need to be elaborate and extravagant. A simple content life would be great to me. Granted, I do want a house big enough that I can have people over, I think this goes along with gift number 2 just fine. Acts 4:32-35 is a great way to look at it for those curious.

  Well guys, there you have it. The beginning of my own personal spiritual gifts assessment. I don't want this to get too long by itself, and it is getting late – I have to work every day this week until Sunday. I generally have Wednesdays off but I told a friend I would do him a favor and come in for him. I will pick up where I left off soon enough. I hope you have enjoyed learning more about me as I learn more about myself. Thanks for your prayers and support.

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,

-Zachary Haas

God's Word

  All right, so this still isn't the main post that I wanted to do, but its been a while so I wanted to post something. This is actually something I had been thinking about around a month and a half ago. I mentioned it a little bit in previous blogs. What is the difference between studying, reading, and meditating on the Bible, and do the differences matter? Are all three essential to a relationship with God?

First of all lets focus on something easy – reading. Reading is easy. We can all read; you and I are doing it now. But when it comes to the Bible most people (myself included) say that they don't read it enough or at all. I don't think that I have ever met someone who honestly said “I read my Bible enough everyday. I am in full devotion with God through His word.” Why is this? If God has given us the instructions to life in paper format, why are we constantly begging God to show us what to do in life? I feel like God is sometimes standing right in front of us just pointing at the Bible shouting “READ!” Other times I view Him as more laid back simply sighing with a point “It's right there . . . still.” I have no reasonable answer except that we are lazy and want more immediate results. Think about it. In this day and age anything we want to know is at a click of a button. Between Google and Wikipedia I do not think there is anything useful that we cannot learn in a matter of hours, minutes, seconds even! I don't even need a computer sometimes. I can text message 'Google' with “weather 12846” and get my local weather for 3 days in a split second. As a matter of fact, we can even find the Bible online (which is an amazing resource, and if you haven't used an online Bible to search for things you had better keep reading to my part about studying). Aside from wanting immediate results and not wanting to spend the time reading we also lack discipline. Reading God's word is more than just reading it to find what we want. God doesn't want us to just pick up the Bible and find immediate answers. He wants our time. Taking time to actually just read the Bible allows us to spend time in the presence of God. Perhaps this is even more important than finding our answers. I think the real important factor is that we somehow force ourselves to make a habit to read everyday – I'll let you know when I succeed at this myself. But I think that the three most important things of reading the Bible are consistency, learning/listening, and time spent with God.

  Next I'll talk about study. Some of you may be thinking is there really a difference between studying, reading, and meditating? Well, there is whether you've known it or not. The really close confusing ones for me were reading and meditating I think. Anyway, I would have to say that for me studying the Bible is my strong point. I love getting wrapped up in a single topic of the Bible. Something will get my attention and I'll have to search all over for it. I have an NIV study Bible. It's the most amazing Bible I have ever owned. I'm almost positive there is more non Bible than there is bible. Then, using online Bibles I can search for keywords and look up different translations. If you have never studied a topic using the Bible I suggest you try. It so cool to see how much time you can really spend when you get hooked on studying a topic in God's word. Be careful not to spread yourself too thin though. You don't want to become overwhelmed with topics and lose a focus. The book I read suggested that if you are already in a study group, its not a bad idea to focus on what you are studying there, digging deeper outside the group as opposed to searching for something completely different. Studying consists of focused passages,Biblical exploration and connection, whereas reading is more about time spent in God's word.

  Finally on to meditating. This was the newest and perhaps most interesting concept to me. Apparently, people are often turned off to the concept of meditation due to it's misrepresented mystical feel. People occasionally feel like meditating is a dark or pagan thing. This isn't the case as Psalms contains multiple references to meditation. Scripture tells us that there is nothing to fear as long as God and his word is the focus. Meditating on God does not consist of Yoga and breathing. As a matter of fact, it is defined as “continuous and profound contemplation or musing on a subject or series of subjects of a deep or abstruse nature.” It's simply a series of thoughts deeply focused on God's word. Dallas Willard described it as: 

“We not only read, hear, and inquire, but we meditate on what comes before us; that is, we withdraw into silence where we can powerfully and steadily focus upon it. In this way, its meaning can emerge for us and from us as God works in the depths of our heart, mind and soul.”

It's not like I have never meditated before, it's just not something I have ever thought about consciously doing and adding to my spiritual life.  I remember one time specifically that my girlfriend and I took a few aways to be alone and just focus on God.  For me this meant that I locked myself in my closet (I put my desk in there) and spent some time in the complete silent dark.  I read some of God's word.  Prayed a lot.  Wrote a lot about my thoughts.  Read Ecclesiastes.  Then ended it all with some worship music. (I prefer Steve Fee and Chris Tomlin).  This really was an enlightening experience and one that I would certainly not mid revisiting or making into a habit.  Mike Hurt says:

 “Without meditating on the Word of God, my reading would become a contest in speed, and my study would become a purely intellectual exercise. Meditation forces me to slow down and to chew on ever morsel from the text.”  

Wow. That's a cool way to look at it. I can definitely see how in my life (where my best attribute was study) studying can become purely intellectual. I also know that if I did have a reading schedule, like I did when I read the one year Bible in a year, it almost became more of a task. I lost my desire to really read God's word and instead was doing it to get it done. This is important to remember. Never should any of these things be done because we have to. We can't let them become a chore that we do just because we know we should. Perhaps it may start as a chore, but I believe that it should soon become something that we desire and cause us to wonder how we ever lived any other way. We should read to know God's word, study to understand it, and meditate to ingest and apply. These three things will certainly help us to find God's will in our life.

Well, I know where I need to go and I know where I need to start. My challenge for you is to figure out where you are. What are you doing best and what are you doing worst? What can you do to change the way you deal with God's Word? My even bigger more important challenge, is for you to pray for me in getting started and stay on track. :)

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,

-Zachary Haas

P.S. I have no idea if/when you are supposed to capitalize Word when referring to God's word? If someone lets me know if there is a proper way then I can edit the post and fix it all :)

Sunday Day of Adventure

I have two main "goals" that I want to accomplish by the end of summer.  They are to go paintballing and wakeboarding.  Saturday I was going to go paintballing for the first time ever, but it ended up storming and I couldn't go.  BUMMER!  Sunday, my Pastor started a new series that seems to be interesting.  It's actually part of a series that goes along with a book that will go along with some small groups that will be forming in our church.  It's cool to seem my church branching out in such a way.  For the most part they don't do a whole lot of small group stuff, so it's neat to be able to see that growth.  Unfortunately, I can't really be a part of the small groups because by the time they start I will be going back to class.  Thats okay though, I am thoroughly enjoying the young adult group that was started at my church.  We had an unexpected guest two weeks ago start attending.  He was a guy that I used to go to school with and haven't seen in 4 years.  I always viewed him as kinda a punk who was way into alcohol in drugs.  I can't say that he's changed (because I don't know) but he definitely is deeper than I would have originally thought.  To be honest, I was uncomfortable with him being there the first week.  It was actually kind of selfish of me to be uncomfortable.  In my mind, this is my small group.  I want it to be full of hardcore passionate Christians so that I can grow.  Thankfully, the second week he came I was much more comfortable.  I have no idea why he is coming, it really doesn't seem like a  place he'd normally go.  However, he is going on his on free will.  He does rarely attend church on Sundays, but I think thats just because his girlfriend and girlfriends mom sometimes come.  Either way, it is kinda cool that he is coming.  Perhaps we can really reach out to him and he will experience something amazing through our little group.

Anyway, after church there was a birthday party for a little girl who attends our church (she turned 13).  At her birthday party my parents got talking to some of their friends from church and ended up making a play date at their house.  They live on a sizable pond and own a boat.  Of course, my first question was is if they had a wake board.  Disappointingly they didn't, however, they did have water skis, a double tube, a knee board, and "airchair"???  I figured well, this is better than nothing and I can even try slalom skiing -- which I figured has got to be close to wakeboarding.

I had only been water skiing once before so I am no pro by any means and the first time I did it after I got up I had no idea what I was doing.  I got up after the second try and was able to go over 2.5 miles and go in and out of the wake a view times before falling.  I couldn't believe how tired it made my legs.  My brother then tried with limited success.  Then my mom tried, and the last time I saw her try was a few years ago during my first try.  After a number of falls she never got up back then and ended up with a nice bruise.  Yesterday, she ended up getting up for a little bit and was satisfied with only a mild bruise on her arm.  Then, surprisingly my dad decided he had to try once.  I don't even know how long it's been since he went water skiing last.  I knew three things right off the bat.  One, my dad used to be really good at water skiing.  Two, he is no where NEAR the shape that he used to be in.  Three, my dad is recovering from a back injury and going to PT for it.  They told him he can do whatever he wants until it starts to hurt.  So, here is an old "pro" who hasn't skied in forever who is out of shape and has a hurt back.  Well, that didn't stop my dad.  He got up on the first try!  This was amazing.  It was like watching my dad from a past life.  I haven't seen my dad do anything like this in my ENTIRE LIFE!  The closest thing I've seen him do was a small wheelie on a motorcycle.  Anyway, he went for a few miles and even tried a slalom course.  Shortly afterwards, I think he started to feel it on his back, but he wasn't going to go down without a bang.  Before quitting he tried to kick off one ski and begin a single ski run.  This only lasted a few seconds before he couldn't place his back foot and fell into the water -- unharmed.  This was a spectacle to see.  Certainly I was impressed and this was beyond anything I could have imagine.  He got up like he was riding a bike, weaving in and out of the wake way better than I could and I am half his age (probably my age is the last time he water skied!).  Before I end with my Dad's tail I would like to mention he is certainly not over the "loss" of Zoey, his granddaughter.  My sister got on video chat with Zoey the other day, and my mom said my dad couldn't really watch it without crying.  And that he didn't want to let "her" (Zoey? My sister?) see him cry.  So yea... he's still not doing too well there.

 After water skiing me and my brother got on the double tube and had the ride of our life.  The guy driving the boat loved to try and knock people off.  The first time I was only knocked off cause my brother landed on me and I was like what the crap is on me... oh... its Andrew.  The second time we were on there was a time that my brother was like falling off with one arm.  I wanted to keep the ride going and I saw his one arm go up... So I held on with my right hand as hard as I could and with my left hand I forced his hand on and was like hang on brother.  It was pretty epic and they were watching from the boat.  After it was all done my mom said I don't think you two have had that much fun together in a long time... if ever.  Shes probably right... and the saving my brother thing was pretty fun and entertaining.  My mom was like "well now you can't say you never saved your brothers life" haha.

After this, my brother tried water skiing again with limited success, and I tried slalom skiing (one ski).  To my disappointment, and despite it looking easier, I could not get up.  I may have been tired, but I was sad that I couldn't to get up.  I figured it was the closest thing I could do to wake boarding... but oh well maybe next time.

The last thing I tried was something called an air chair.  Now this is a crazy experience.  I cannot describe the contraption in words so a picture is going to have to say a thousand for me.  

When you get that thing up out of the water it's crazy.  It was really hard to get up in the first place but I think that if I could have gotten it up I more often I could have figured it out better.  Anyway.. you are like weightless on top of that thing.  You feel like you are flying and you even LOOK like you are flying.  Then, like in the picture you can make it jump and flip and stuff.  The thing looks incredibly dangerous and I was reallllly wary about getting on it.  I don't like the idea of being strapped in or constrained that tightly.  I like being free and able to escape if need be in any situation.  But once I was actually trying it, it felt really safe.

In the end, I forgot one really big thing.  I get sick when I get too much water up my nose.  So last night I could barely sleep, and today, even now I can barely breathe... even with Claritan D (sp?).  I will be ok in a few days, but it really messes with my sinus.  This happened to me last year when I went whitewater kayaking.  It sucks, but I'll live, and for the most part it was worth it.  Especially to see my dad having such a good time, and for letting my mom see me and my brother together enjoying life and not fighting/arguing.

Sorry this post didn't have much to do with God.  But then again, everything doesn't have to be directly about God.  God wants us to enjoy life, we (my family) were enjoying God's creation using man's technology through God given minds.  Besides, I am still contemplating a future blog that I mentioned last time.  Enjoy Life!

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zachary Haas

What in the God is going on here?

So yea.  In the past 48 hours my brain has been rocked.  God is ridiculous! (not in a bad way of course, just a ridiculous way)  Stay tuned.  I need more time to think and prepare before adding my next post, but I believe it will be interesting to say the least.  It's going to be a lot about myself and who I am and things I have learned and things about myself that I didn't even know.  Then just because God is crazy, I'll try talking a little bit about something he did.  I can't believe God... I believe in God and that anything is possible through Him... but man, I just can't believe this one.  Stay tuned.

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zachary Haas

An Attempt to Make Sense Out of Two Decades

All right, so I have barely been a live for two decades, which likely means I haven't actually thought about this for 20 years.  However, this is something that has bothered me for most of my life and I have never quite figured it out.  Now, with the help of my AMAZING NIV study Bible my church gave me 3 years ago I can make an attempt at making sense out of it.  First of all, let me show you the passage in the Bible.

Genesis 32:22-40 (New International Version)

Jacob Wrestles With God
22 That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two maidservants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. 23 After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions. 24 So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. 25 When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob's hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. 26 Then the man said, "Let me go, for it is daybreak."
But Jacob replied, "I will not let you go unless you bless me."

27 The man asked him, "What is your name?"
"Jacob," he answered.

28 Then the man said, "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, [a] because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome."

29 Jacob said, "Please tell me your name."
But he replied, "Why do you ask my name?" Then he blessed him there.

30 So Jacob called the place Peniel, [b] saying, "It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared."

31 The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel, [c] and he was limping because of his hip. 32 Therefore to this day the Israelites do not eat the tendon attached to the socket of the hip, because the socket of Jacob's hip was touched near the tendon.

 I now ask, has anyone else noticed anything weird about this passage?  For some examples of “what in the world moments”: vs 24- WHAT? Try taking this verse out of context, knowing its God's word and your brain will explode. Let me get this straight. Jacob, decides to send everything and everyone across a river. Then, while Jacob is alone. Some man jumps him and starts fighting with him . . . until daybreak. This means that these two guys just randomly start fighting – for HOURS! The man, implied to be God, Jesus, or perhaps Angel (there is more debate to this than you might think) then decides that he can't over power Jacob (but the man is GOD??? WHAT?) and uses a “magic touch” to dislocate Jacob's hip. Since when is God weaker than humans and loses wrestling matches? Afterwards, the man asks to be let go because daybreak is approaching. Wait, so these guys randomly fight all night and now this guy wants to leave? But no... Jacob, who apparently figured out somehow that this man has spiritual power, demands a blessing. Wow, clearly Jacob was either very adamant or very stupid. I mean, the man already nearly ripped Jacob's leg off with a touch. Then, the man changes his name claiming that he “struggled with God and with men [Jesus?] and have overcome.” Jacob then claims to have seen God and lived. In the end, we see Jacob limping away permanently maimed. Ok... there is actually one last verse... and I am saying this with all respect and authority to God and his purpose... but vs. 32 is absolutely ridiculous. This claim is never mentioned in the Bible again, and we never see the Israelites doing this or anything ever again. One word to describe this entire passage would have to be sketchy. I cannot think of any other way to describe how I have felt about this passage my whole life; sketchy, confusing, and even weird. I am generally left with a bizarre “Why?”



Well, now that that is out of the way. I will try to explain what I have learned about this passage and its parts over the past 2 weeks. The past 7 weeks I have been attending a new young adult group at my church. We started with a book that we finished two weeks ago. This is where the passage about Jacob was rekindled in my life for the first time. The book talks about the wilderness and a silent God (something that I still have yet to put a blog about among other things that I think are cool). In the book, it actually uses Jacobs account found in Hosea.

Hosea 12:4-5 (New International Version)


4 He struggled with the angel and overcame him;
he wept and begged for his favor.
He found him at Bethel
and talked with him there-

5 the LORD God Almighty,
the LORD is his name of renown!

Just briefly mentioned in Hosea.  Basically, the book uses the example of Jacob wrestling with God alone as a way to express that we need to see our experiences in the wilderness as opportunities to wrestle with God. But as far as the Bible tells us Jacob didn't even know that he was wrestling God. I think this was a weaker argument in the book only because the Jacob wrestling passage is so strange and hard to follow.

Anyway, last week Wednesday was not the last time Jacob made a stand – in my mind . . . okOk, so apparently this passage is no going away from me anytime soon, even after 20-ish years. (By the way, the research my leader did was a little different than what I was looking for, he was very interested in 'who' exactly it was that Jacob was wrestling was and found information for a number of potential candidates for 'who'. This was interested and got us thinking but didn't really provide any more answers to my dilemma, though we were able to talk about the passage in general as well.)

Moving on to my personal point of view/findings. First of all Hosea said it was an Angel, but the NIV added the title of “Jacob Wrestles With God.” Something to note is that in the original Hebrew the word angel in Hosea often meant God or could be used to talk about God. My personal observance leads me to think that Jacob wrestled with Jesus. Jesus would be both 100% man and 100% God. This works with where Jacob got his name, Israel – because he struggled with God and with men and have overcome. Jesus, being 100% man may also have the limitations of man. This would allow Jacob to theoretically be able to win a wrestling match with him – or at least keep him at bay. The man, if Jesus, was then able to simply touch Jacob and inflict a wound that should have ended the fight. At this point I guess Jacob figured out that he wasn't dealing with an ordinary man. What man can cause such a wound, and then wish to be released because of daybreak? Jacob, after having being maimed for life and now risking death, holds on. Not only does Jacob hold on, but he demands to be blessed before letting go. Jacob was passionate. He knew what he wanted and he knew what God could do, he was going to do anything and give everything in order to be blessed by God. Jacob is then blessed and given a new name, Israel, on the spot (it's interesting to note that the name Jacob meant the ambitious deceiver). According to my study Bible, “He was persistent. God encourages persistence in all areas of our lives, including the spiritual. Where in your spiritual life do you need more persistence? Strong character develops as you struggle through tough conditions.” This is certainly one lesson that can be taken from this passage. My study Bible says about Hosea: “He constantly searched for God. Jacob wrestled with the angel in order to be blessed, but his descendants thought their blessings came from their own successes. Jacob purged his house of idols, but his descendants couldn't quit their idol worship.” I found this to be particularly interesting. This gives a purpose to the entire passage actually. This passage now shows where, why, and how Jacob was blessed. First Abraham was promised to be a father of many nations, and his grandson Jacob furthers the blessing here. The 12 tribes of Israel come from Jacob, and they were great and blessed indeed! This passage shows that Jacob was blessed by God for generations to come, however, the people forgot this and became proud of themselves for their well being and were punished frequently.

All this still does not give me any closure. I was once told that while studying the Bible you should ask yourself both what it meant to the people in the Bible, and what it means to me. Right now, I have answered what it means to the people in the Bible to some extent. But I am still left with questions and confusion. Why is this passage in the Bible? Am I supposed to wrestle with God? Is it all right to be persistent with God? Isn't this nagging? Surely God doesn't want us to be stubborn and fight with him until we get what we want. So what? What am I to take from this?

After some thought and prayer this is what I came up with. Yes, God wants us to be persistent. But he does not what us to be close-minded or nagging. We are even allowed to BEG for what we want; Jesus did to the point of sweating blood. God wants us to hold on and hold out. In the passage Jacob is physically wrestling with God to acquire a blessing, but there is some belief that he may have been emotionally wrestling. We wrestle with God issues in our mind all the time. Wrestling with issues does not mean that they are wrong and should be ignored. Neither should we accept defeat when it comes to wrestling with God. How often is God known to come right out and say things after the first prayer? Not very often. I think that this passage can also show us exactly how close God is to us when we are “wrestling.” God never leaves us or forsakes us, not even when we are wrestling with him. In fact, he is closer to us than ever while wrestling. Anyone who has ever seen two people wrestling knows that there is incredible amounts of contact going on . . . even to the point of being awkward. What encouragement this should be! While we are wrestling with God he is close. He is listening and he is possibly wrestling back putting up a “fight.” In the end, at God's time (daybreak, after 40 days in the wilderness, after 40 years in the desert) he will give us what we want or need. Sometimes we need to wrestle our way to what we want so that we can appreciate it and know that it was from God and not our own strength.

On a more personal note, I have sometimes felt like I was wrestling with God through temptation. I bet some of you have been in similar situations where you KNEW that something was wrong yet you really, really wanted to do it anyway. For me, it was like I could almost feel myself physically wrestling with God. I could almost feel Him holding me back while I was saying “No, God. I know this is wrong but I want it so badly.” In this case God did not give up. I have even given into God out of anger. This may sound weird, but I have even gotten to the point before where I was like “FINE GOD! I WON'T DO IT. JUST FOR YOU. REMEMBER THIS GOD, I DID THIS FOR YOU AGAINST MY WILL.” This is kind of like a Jonah, I did the right thing but with the wrong heart. Other times temptation strikes and I will wrestle with God for help. In this case, we are more on the same team wrestling against something bad. It reminds me of the Lifehouse video that most of us have seen where the girl is like reaching for Jesus but is being held back. Either way, I think that the word wrestling certainly is a good word to use in these situations.

My challenge for you now is to think of time where you have wrestled with God. What was the outcome? Are you wrestling now? What outcome do YOU want? Would that outcome be God honoring? Do you realize that wrestling with God is not necessarily a bad thing?

Thanks for reading. Its been a while since I posted so I guess this long one is forgivable.

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,

-Zachary Haas

Sister Moved Out Yesterday

In lieu of my wanting to clarify myself yesterday I did not have a chance to tell you about the "earthquake" that has left my house in emotional ruin.  I will not attempt to explain my family to you.  Even I do not understand how we work and things.  All I will say is that we are VERY different than many families.  The way we show love, affection, appreciation are all very different.  Yesterday my sister moved out taking her daughter with her.
For the past 13 months my parents have been raising a child -- their grandchild.  They have really been the parents for her as my sister has been finishing school and going to work.  Both of my parents have been stuck at home doing nothing since February (my mom is a stay at home mom/house taker and my dad has been injured and out of work since Feb.)  Last time my dad was hurt and out of work he got a puppy that he fell in love with  He actually cried a little when we had to put the puppy in a kennel for the first time.  This time my dad has done nothing but spend time with this little baby Zoey.  Not only did my dad and mom lose a daughter because she is running away, they lost the baby that they have been with constantly for months.  I have only seen my dad upset a few times.  Once with the puppy, once when he was explaining how God literally miraculously save his life beyond all doubt after cutting into a live electrical wire shin deep in water in front of our church, (run on sentence, I really don't care right now) and once this last time when he said bye to Zoey.  A child should never have to see their father upset to the point of tears, and whats worse, all fathers are proud and never want their children to see that.  But my dad (and mom) but my dad was more broken yesterday than I have ever seen him in my life combined.  He had to go to physical training yesterday and as he was walking out the door (I could tell he'd been crying and incredibly distraught for I don't know how long) he tried to turn to Zoey who was in my moms arms to wave good bye to her for the last time.  He said "Goodbye Zoe-Zoe" and tried to give a little wave to her.  Zoey then reached her arms out to him to be held by her "pop-pop" but my dad couldn't take it.  I heard a stifled, sadness stricken gasp leave his throat as turned and left.  My mom was also deeply upsetted by this and I was sitting on the couch while this happened.  I was getting ready to go to work.  I could have had the worst day of work ever, heck, I could have been fired that day and it wouldn't have even scratched the sadness I saw in my parents.  I tried hiding my tears and acting tough but on the inside I was breaking too.  This poor baby... my poor parents.  I could still tell they were very upset when I got home hours later from work.  They had put all the baby stuff away... it was too hard to look at.  Today, the house was silent for the first time in 13 months.  There was no noise.  Just a solemn atmosphere.  My parents were in better shape, but my mom commented on how weird and hard it was to deal with the silence.  She had been used to it before, but she worries what it will be like when my dad goes back to work.  We all think that Amber (my sister) is being incredibly stupid.  But that clearly has not caused them to not love her still.  I even believe that she is already forgiven, though she doesn't see that.  Perhaps she will pull a prodigal son, but perhaps not.  I think its what many people are praying for, and my dad seems to believe it more and more.

This is kinda ridiculous, but is almost a small attempt at humor.  The first thing I noticed about Amber and Zoey being gone was that (besides no toys to step on lol) when I went to get some mac and cheese (from a box) I got a lot more... 2 people wouldn't be eating it.  I'd like to say this was a good thing (I mean, I do love mac and cheese and in a awful way it was good) but the pain that I've seen in my family would cause me to have given all my mac and cheese to someone.

There is one thing that is still kinda cool about this whole thing.  And thats God.  I can see my parents still reaching to God even after all this.  And my church is providing great support to them.  Honestly, my parents need friends... they have needed them for as long as I can remember.  We rarely have people over and my parents just need "buds".  I hope that the church members come even closer to them than ever before.  In my mind, this is the best thing that could happen from this situation and I would see that as a blessing from God.  As for me, I am doing ok.  But, I've been at school for the past year... I don't have the same relationship with Amber and especially Zoey like the rest of my family does.

Pray for my family again.  Especially for my parents.  I can't know the pain they are feeling and other things they are feeling.  I pray I never have to because what I can imagine is some of the worst feelings known to man.  If you really think about it.  Death is better than abandonment.  Death is not a choice... abandonment is an action.  Abandoning love... this has to be absolutely detestable to God.  God hates divorce... I can only imagine why :'(

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zach Haas


P.S.  I'm sorry this was likely a difficult post to read.  Trust me, it was a difficult post to write, I had to stop and take a moment even.

IWU Thoughts 2, a Response From Myself to Myself

I wanted to point out a few things about my last blog that I may have failed to mention.  First of all, I want everyone to know there is nothing wrong with asking people about their walk with God.  For me to say this would be blaspheme and not my purpose.  I am more worried about people asking about it so publicly or something.  Facebook is incredibly public and no one wants to look like they are doing something wrong by not hearing and learning from God.  I recently learned a bit about God putting people into a "wilderness" where he will remain silent for a long time.  God sometimes remains silent in our lives so that we can learn, grow, become prepared, and even sometimes to break us from habits or our comfort zone.  We don't know this all the time and many times this may seem like we are not growing or getting anything from God.  Honestly, how would you immediately feel if someone told you that they weren't hearing, feeling, or learning anything from God?  You might be quick to judge and even condemn.  My other main point was why the summer?  Why don't we expect God to teach us and grow us all year?  Is there something special about summer?  Maybe, but there doesn't have to be.  Many of us may actually be more busy now that its summer and will hear God even less.  I wanted to get people thinking.  I think maybe questions regarding a persons spiritual walk would be better placed in a facebook message than a wall post.  Isn't this something a bit more intimate?  This would also avoid the idea that you are just using small talk.  I think I'll talk a little more about the wilderness experience from God a little bit later.  I want to apologize if it seemed like I was saying that asking about what God's doing is wrong.  I wanted to make sure people were checking themselves and that they weren't just copying someone else.  That our hearts are in the right place when we are asking questions that could be deep and personal.  I just felt like some people were asking just to ask.  I don't know their reasons but I wonder if even they knew their reasons.

My goal in this blog is not to be sarcastic or critical.  I want to be genuine.  I want to offer my thoughts as a way to cause you to think, pray, and grow.  I don not want to cause you unhealthy guilt.  There is a fine line between helpful guilt and harmful guilt.  My goal is certainly not to cause any of you to guilt into dishonesty as this is exactly what I am trying to avoid.

In the end I wanted to let people know that some people may not have a answer or a good answer to the What is God doing questions.  Are you ready to accept that God is doing "nothing"?  Are you ready to accept that they may not have an answer at all?  I want to believe that we all are.  But I don't want us to feel pressured into making something up.  Overspiritualizing things and making things up is not good and only leads to hurt.  We already get guilted and pressured into enough things.  All I ask is that we be careful and listen to God.  Also, be careful what we ask.

Thanks for reading, sorry if I missed some details, feel free to ask me to explain something further.

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ.
-Zachary Haas

P.S.  Feel free to ask me about God and what hes doing.  I just spent tonight writing this and talking to two people about spiritual things and I am feeling more uplifted than I have in a long time.  And my family is a wreck right now.  Praise the Lord for my joy and uplifting in this storm!

P.S.S.  The coolest thing happened last night after I posted that blog.  I was reading my book for small group and there was a line that talked about being companions with God or Jesus or something like that.  I'm sure you noticed that I sign each post with "companion in Christ."  When I read this it was a rather large encouragement and I thought it was cool :)