Sister Moved Out Yesterday

In lieu of my wanting to clarify myself yesterday I did not have a chance to tell you about the "earthquake" that has left my house in emotional ruin.  I will not attempt to explain my family to you.  Even I do not understand how we work and things.  All I will say is that we are VERY different than many families.  The way we show love, affection, appreciation are all very different.  Yesterday my sister moved out taking her daughter with her.
For the past 13 months my parents have been raising a child -- their grandchild.  They have really been the parents for her as my sister has been finishing school and going to work.  Both of my parents have been stuck at home doing nothing since February (my mom is a stay at home mom/house taker and my dad has been injured and out of work since Feb.)  Last time my dad was hurt and out of work he got a puppy that he fell in love with  He actually cried a little when we had to put the puppy in a kennel for the first time.  This time my dad has done nothing but spend time with this little baby Zoey.  Not only did my dad and mom lose a daughter because she is running away, they lost the baby that they have been with constantly for months.  I have only seen my dad upset a few times.  Once with the puppy, once when he was explaining how God literally miraculously save his life beyond all doubt after cutting into a live electrical wire shin deep in water in front of our church, (run on sentence, I really don't care right now) and once this last time when he said bye to Zoey.  A child should never have to see their father upset to the point of tears, and whats worse, all fathers are proud and never want their children to see that.  But my dad (and mom) but my dad was more broken yesterday than I have ever seen him in my life combined.  He had to go to physical training yesterday and as he was walking out the door (I could tell he'd been crying and incredibly distraught for I don't know how long) he tried to turn to Zoey who was in my moms arms to wave good bye to her for the last time.  He said "Goodbye Zoe-Zoe" and tried to give a little wave to her.  Zoey then reached her arms out to him to be held by her "pop-pop" but my dad couldn't take it.  I heard a stifled, sadness stricken gasp leave his throat as turned and left.  My mom was also deeply upsetted by this and I was sitting on the couch while this happened.  I was getting ready to go to work.  I could have had the worst day of work ever, heck, I could have been fired that day and it wouldn't have even scratched the sadness I saw in my parents.  I tried hiding my tears and acting tough but on the inside I was breaking too.  This poor baby... my poor parents.  I could still tell they were very upset when I got home hours later from work.  They had put all the baby stuff away... it was too hard to look at.  Today, the house was silent for the first time in 13 months.  There was no noise.  Just a solemn atmosphere.  My parents were in better shape, but my mom commented on how weird and hard it was to deal with the silence.  She had been used to it before, but she worries what it will be like when my dad goes back to work.  We all think that Amber (my sister) is being incredibly stupid.  But that clearly has not caused them to not love her still.  I even believe that she is already forgiven, though she doesn't see that.  Perhaps she will pull a prodigal son, but perhaps not.  I think its what many people are praying for, and my dad seems to believe it more and more.

This is kinda ridiculous, but is almost a small attempt at humor.  The first thing I noticed about Amber and Zoey being gone was that (besides no toys to step on lol) when I went to get some mac and cheese (from a box) I got a lot more... 2 people wouldn't be eating it.  I'd like to say this was a good thing (I mean, I do love mac and cheese and in a awful way it was good) but the pain that I've seen in my family would cause me to have given all my mac and cheese to someone.

There is one thing that is still kinda cool about this whole thing.  And thats God.  I can see my parents still reaching to God even after all this.  And my church is providing great support to them.  Honestly, my parents need friends... they have needed them for as long as I can remember.  We rarely have people over and my parents just need "buds".  I hope that the church members come even closer to them than ever before.  In my mind, this is the best thing that could happen from this situation and I would see that as a blessing from God.  As for me, I am doing ok.  But, I've been at school for the past year... I don't have the same relationship with Amber and especially Zoey like the rest of my family does.

Pray for my family again.  Especially for my parents.  I can't know the pain they are feeling and other things they are feeling.  I pray I never have to because what I can imagine is some of the worst feelings known to man.  If you really think about it.  Death is better than abandonment.  Death is not a choice... abandonment is an action.  Abandoning love... this has to be absolutely detestable to God.  God hates divorce... I can only imagine why :'(

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zach Haas


P.S.  I'm sorry this was likely a difficult post to read.  Trust me, it was a difficult post to write, I had to stop and take a moment even.