IWU and People From IWU... YOU NEED TO STOP!!!

All right.  This is a risky entry but I feel in needs to be said.  I am more than sick of this myself and I don't think I have even been all that much of a victim of it.  But I know many people that have.  I both apologize and warn you for this post may call you out.  Some of you may even find it offensive for this to be question, but for some reason its bugging me, and I know its bugged other people.

If I say one word about IWU I'm sure it will get your mind thinking.  Pressure.  IWU is constantly pushing, pressuring, persuading and guilting people into doing things.  Not just "IWU" as a university whole but the students and professors alike.

First I will just list a few of them that I have noticed and then I will finally mention the one thats concerning me most.  I'm sure you can relate and notice some of these.

1. Ring by Spring - C'mon, we have all heard it.  We have all joked about it.  This expression is so over used at IWU that people feel like if they don't marry before they leave college they will be single forever or marry someone inadequate.  I'm not going to go into obvious details as to why, but this pressures people into dating.  Not Good.

2. You need to get your double major, masters, doctorate... whatever.  No.  You don't.  This is not an IWU actually but is found there as well.  Think about it.  Our whole lives we were told that we need to go the next step in education in order to be "successful."  This is not really true.  Yes, at least a major will get you much better places than just a high school diploma.  But think about it, our parents and high school teachers pressured us to go to college, told us that we needed to.  Now, in college we have professors pressuring us to go to get a masters degree, telling us we need to.  I'm sure our masters teachers would tell us to get a doctorate.  Heres the thing.  You don't need school to be successful.  There are billionaires that dropped out of college -- Bill Gates.  You may be able to do exactly what you want after college without wasting more time and money going to get a Masters.  Your going to college for a reason hopefully, if you can do that reason after 4 years then do it.  Don't feel like you NEED to get a better degree and further your education.  Every university in the nation is telling their students to do it.  (Yes, this goes for the honors college students too, believe it or not, God's plan for you may not be to get a master's degree, and if Dr. Riggs says you should get a masters Degree but God says you should start working where you love, through Faith . . . I think you should choose God.)

3. Missions trips.  Gosh, I can't tell you how many times I feel like this ones been jammed down my throat at IWU.  I have nothing against missions trips short or long. But we are not, I repeat, WE ARE NOT ALL CALLED TO DO MISSIONS!  I feel like this is a huge issue at IWU.  We see speakers, videos, seminars, booths, posters, you name it that tell us to help people in other countries.  Let me tell you the best mission field is your next door neighbor.  Other countries send missionaries to America because we fail to do a good enough job ourselves.  I hate when there is this whole guilt trip to sign up for a missions trip, even more when they are telling you the reason you should is because they are fun.  No, you should absolutely not sign up for any kind of missions trip without God or because you think it will be fun.  God should be the one calling you to missions, not anyone from the pulpit.  I appreciate the effort and opportunities that IWU provides for us.  I do not appreciate being told at every corner that I am a bad person for not donating my summer to a missions organization for less than no profit (missions trips are expensive).  I also do not appreciate over glorifying people that do missions trips.  Bragging about how many trips you've done or what you did is not Godly at all.  There is a fine line between boasting and sharing God's glory.  Some people need to learn this.

4. Spiritual events or other outreach things.  Both of these things are great, both of these things are important.  As a matter of fact both are amazing in their own ways.  But again, these follow the same lines as missions trips.  Boasting, pressuring and guilting are bad.  Just because I am too busy to go to your prayer group, or I don't want to help you build houses for the poor does NOT make me un-Godly, or a bad person.  We are called to serve people.  We are not called to serve an individual.  Jesus did not help every person individually (well ok, he died for our sins yes, but we CAN'T do that).  Jesus did not meet every single need, he did not cure every single person.  He provided everyone with an example for us to follow.  We cannot help everyone that wants our help.  Do not guilt people into helping with something, they may honestly not be able to do it at the time.  And worse, what if you guilt someone into doing something who is not called for that task when there could have been someone that was called for that kind of thing and missed the opportunity because people are doing it for fun or the social aspect involved.

All right, I have beat around the bush enough.  And God hasn't told me to not say this or cause anything else to happen to prevent this.  I pray that this is in His will for me to address and bring up.  I am rather nervous about this because of the number of times I have seen this.  But I have seen this so much it has essentially fallen into a small talk category.

Guys... the asking people what God has done for you.  What is God doing for you.  What are you learning this summer.  What are you doing for God this summer.  What have you learned from God.  How are you growing this summer?   Tell me everything God has shown you, taught you, did for you etc. Where have you seen God? What are you doing to strengthen your relationship with God.  Questions like these and along these lines.  My question for you is why are you asking?  Are you asking for the right reasons?  Are you just trying to make small talk with everyone?  Are you trying to make yourself sound more spiritual by asking someone else about it?  Are you being nosey? Check yourself why are you asking, and should you be asking?  What will that person get from you asking?  Are you encouraging by asking? Discouraging by asking?  Motivating by asking?  Or guilting by asking?

Why does every seem to think that everyone else needs to be growing so much over the summer?  What happened to all these questions ALL YEAR?  Why is the summer so important?  If you ask me we should all be growing more while at our Christian University surrounded by people that supposedly share the same faith as us.  Are we not surrounded by spiritual events and outreach? Aren't these the perfect places to grow and learn?  So why summer?  Why does everyone have to find out some big emotional thing over the summer?  I worry that Christians are guilting other Christians into summer spirituality.  Just because someone is working somewhere, or traveling somewhere or doing something somewhere does not mean they are having some God to life changing experience.  Perhaps God isn't doing anything special in someone's life because he is preparing them.  Being asked and seing other people asked "What is God doing for you this summer, or how have you seen God this summer" could be incredibly discouraging and depressing if you are in a time where God is being silent.  Why can't someone just live through their summer living a normal life with God.  Why does there have to be something extra special happening to everyone these few months?  I for one am having a growing period and learning period with God to a new level and degree and I hope I am openly sharing this with you.  But now, I am beginning to feel like everyone is expecting EVERYONE to experience the same kind of growth that I am going through.  Why can't someone be in a wilderness experience all summer?  If someone said to us "well God isn't doing anything new in my life" after we asked them one of those questions we may frown at them and find ourselves holier than thou.  My friends, this is a very dangerous place to be.  We cannot understand God.  It is very likely that God could do "nothing" in our lives all summer because he wants us to purify us to move us to greater heights.  Perhaps a person is to lose their pleasure they experience in their devotional life so that God can show them something beyond what they are used to.  How on earth do you answer those questions if this is what you are going through?

My answer to that is, you can't.  You can't tell someone God isn't doing anything in your life.  First of all, God is always doing something in our lives even if it seems like nothing to us.  But we cannot explain that to another person and we certainly can't say nothing if you believe God is always doing something.  Instead we make something up, or bat around the question awkwardly.  For example.  Suzy is living her summer with God.  She hasn't heard from God in weeks.  She is reading her Bible daily, but nothing special.  She is going to church and small group, but nothing special.  She even serves at a local soup kitchen twice a week but nothing special. She hasn't heard anything from God, she hasn't learned anything new, she is just doing what she knows God wants her to do with a good heart.  Now, Jack walks up to Suzy and says "Hey Suze, what has God shown you this summer?"  Suzy knows that Jack has an intimate relationship with the Lord and that he just led 3 people to Christ in the last week.  Jack may even asked the question innocently but Suzy now feels guilty for not hearing the Lord.  So she tells Jack untruthfully "Well, I have really seen God lately.  I know I am exactly where he wants me to be.  Its so uplifting to be able to serve food to the hungry people.  I'm getting so much from my devotional time with God, and WOW I can't even tell you about small group."  Jack tells her that he is happy for her and will pray for her.  Suzy, feels guilty for letting Jack believe there is more going on in her life that there really is.  Suzy doesn't understand why she isn't growing closer to God, she knows that she is doing his will and she was feeling content.  Now she is unsure and wonders if she is doing something wrong.  Perhaps she even worries about her faith in general.  I mean, she did practically lie to Jack.

Now, why can't God's perfect plan for Suzy have been to live a devoted life for Him?  Why can't we have a normal nothing special summer?  Why does something amazing, extraordinary, or special happen to us during the summer time?  Many of us may be having the experience of a lifetime, others may be having the experience of a lifetime growing in God and faith.  I believe that the ones growing if faith will be hard to miss and will be sharing their new found God just like the others.  But why the pressure to "find God, and find him more than ever" this summer?  I have never seen in three years at IWU people frequently asking "Hey Suzy, whats God showing you this Fall?" What? Does God fall silent when we are at IWU?  Are we not allowed to have ridiculous growth and learn about God while attending classes.  That's ridiculous because I knew plenty of people this past year that had the Godly experience of a lifetime, and they may not be having it now over the summer.  I can't look at my facebook and not see multiple times "blah blah blah, work is great, blah blah school, blah blah, What is God showing you this summer?"  Uh... well, not much considering I am working 70 hours a week to pay for school, watching my siblings, going to church and small group, taking care of house work, fixing my car, oh and sleeping.  What are we looking for when we ask someone what is God doing for them?  I feel like some people are just asking it as something to say.  I warn you with using God's will questions as small talk.  How would you reply? Do you have a good answer? Is that good answer prideful? Or boastful?  Are you rubbing your experiences in?  Or are you inadvertently causing someone to feel guilty or doubt their walk?  Be careful asking everyone and anyone what God is doing for someone.  Especially if you can not easily answer it yourself.  God may not be doing anything for people, are you ready to hear that from them?  Can you accept that God may be showing you the world yet showing someone else nothing?  Is it ok for God to teach you, causing you to grow, yet remain silent and "distant" from your friend in order for THEM to grow?  Also, is it not possible that God is telling someone to wait in spiritual activities?  For me personally I can honestly tell you that there are many things that God has given me a passion for and desire to do.  However, I also feel that he is strongly telling me to wait and that it is not my time yet.  He wants me to finish school so that I can devote more time to my passions, desires, and perhaps calling.  Can you accept the fact that other people may be waiting in order to fully grow?  Are you trying to say that God needs to be giving someone some kind of incredible experience THIS summer?  Are you putting God in a box?  Do not tempt people to overspecialize their lack of growth. Just because you are having a life changing experience does not mean everyone has to be this summer as well.  Be careful when asking all your friends what God is doing for them this summer.  Perhaps some better questions might be "How are you doing this summer?  Is there anything you'd like me to pray for?  How are your devotions going this summer?  How is church and/or small group going.  Are you staying committed to the commands in God's word so that you can be open to him speaking and open to growth and learning?"  These questions may still cause guilt, but to me they seem to be a bit more fair.  You are not telling them/asking them anything that all Christians should be doing at all times regardless of how quiet God is.  It is ok to look out for one another, but do not pressure each other into finding a life changing amount of growth and learning this summer.  It may not be their time.  It may not be yours.

I hope that I have not overly offended any of you.  I am also not saying that we should be closed the possibility of God doing amazing things in our lives this summer.  I am saying that we should not be overspiritualizing the summer and expecting everyone to learn and grow beyond their normal rate.  God may be showing people, teaching people, and growing people as he is with me, but he also does not have to.  And her certainly does not have to do it the same way with each of us.  Be careful with God questions, consider what you are asking, consider the position you are placing the other person it.  Are you expecting something great and amazing or making small talk?  You don't want to be disappointed, and more than that, you don't want to disappoint or discourage the other person.  I worry most that we could discourage one another internally when we ask such questions.

I am sorry if I have placed any of you in a position where you felt obligated to say something that God was not actually doing.

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zachary Haas

A Failed Attempt At Faith

Today was a rather interesting day.  I went to work and got sent home due to weather and the fact that I will likely have to go to work on my normal day off to shoot a commercial.  Yup thats right, I get to be in a commercial for my work.  It's pretty cool.  Hopefully I will be able to get a copy to share with everyone at some point.

Anyway, I made plans with a few people at work to go rock climbing at the indoor rock climbing gym.  It was a lot of fun, but man, I am incredibly out of shape.  Anyway, I met two older coworkers there (ones 23, the other 26).  They were pretty good at climbing and I consider them my adventurous friends.  They are those friends that are great people but not Christians.  After dinner we decided to go to dinner at a local "pub" that yet another coworker works at.  Yup thats right, I saw more coworkers outside of work today than I did at work.  Theres something wrong with that picture.

Really weird thing.  I actually had thought earlier in the day if I would ever have a chance to share my faith with some of my non-Christians friends, and if I had the chance would I step up to the challenge.  Crazy huh? Who thinks about that.  Well guess what happened during dinner?  Yup you guessed it I had the chance.  But even better, I was up to the challenge... sorta.

I don't even know how it happened but we got on the topic of evolution.  Both my friends started arguing for evolution (macro) and bashing (mildly) creationism.  I decided that I was going to safely, show my faith and argue against evolution.  I didn't say that I believed in creationism, I only said that I didn't see how evolution really made that much sense.  So he tried using an example of how we came from fish and pointed to some similarities and things.  I started to try to argue against evolution.  (See how I was safely showing my faith?  I never said what I believed, and I never mentioned Christianity or God at all, I may have but we didn't really get that far because of a distraction -- perhaps God pulling me out of a losing fight.  By the way... I do not promote the 'safe' faith showing.  I do not think we are called as Christians to play it safe.  Jesus never played it safe.  He died for complete strangers that killed him)  But man... I just sounded like an idiot.  I don't know what happened but nothing I said seemed to make any sense and even fueled their belief in evolution.  It was terrible.  Here I was trying to take a small stand against evolution and I was actually proving myself wrong?  I was losing the argument I started.  The only thing I can hope to have accomplished is them thinking that evolution could be wrong but thats a stretch.  I just sounded like a fool that was ignorant and didn't know what he was talking about.  So yea, that was a pretty big fail on my part. :/

I guess I really need to research more on evolution.  This is what I found after a quick search its pretty cool but doesn't quite explain what I want. http://www.layhands.com/EvidenceAgainstEvolution.htm

Anyone who has some good evidence that supports creationism and goes against evolution I might be able to use the help.  I rather not sound like a fool when trying to defend the ways of God.  Thanks guys, sorry for this  failure.  I may have more chances to redeem myself before the end of summer.  Pray for me.

Your friend, brother and companion in Christ,
-Zachary Haas

Back in the Day

Today two big things happened.  The first was that I had to save a women from drowning herself despite wearing a life jacket.  She jumped into the river and got water up her nose.  She didn't know how to swim and this freaked her out; she couldn't figure out why the life jacket wasn't saving her.  Well, for those of you that have ever worn a life jacket, at least a class 3 pdf, should know that there is some work involved.  Basically when you wear a life jacket your body floats.  not necessarily your head.  This is a problem when you need to keep your head up to breathe.  All you need to do is keep your legs underneath you and you will be able to float with no work.  Instead she let her legs float behind her causing her to have her face under water.  Then I saw it, the feeble hand fly in the air for help.  A few more seconds and cpr may have been necessary.  Instead, I jumped in, and really I think it was instinct (or God) that told me that getting her on her back was the best thing to do.  So I flipped her over and swam her to shore.  She was fine and nothing bad happened.  I saved the day, Hooray!

The second big thing, or very boring thing was my sisters graduation.  Graduations are the most boring thing in the world.  I can't believe I am going to graduate with over 2.5x as many people as there were tonight.  Anyway, as I was ignoring the dozen speakers talking about how great there school is and how great a few select students were I was thinking.  I was thinking about how cool some kids thought they were.  I was thinking about all the things that I remembered that I thought mattered.  When I look back, nothing in high school really mattered.  We cared about girls and relationships, who was popular, the basketball teams record, which high school rock band was the best etc.  Now, all those things and more have faded and literally mean nothing in my life.  It's weird to think of things that once meant so much to us and had so much value that now we couldn't care less about.  I imagine after college will be similar, and that life will always be that way.  Wherever you are at that time of your life your experiences will seem so important.  It was just really interesting I guess.  It's not a new concept by any means; our parents always told us not to worry about high school drama.  Of course, they were right but we never understood then.  I understand now and its just a bit bizarre.  Life is one crazy experience.

So what does this mean?  Does this mean that we shouldn't be concerned with our present situation because it won't matter in the future? Well . . . not exactly.  The point is we need to be able to discern what is important and what is trivial.  We can't focus on the things that won't matter to us later in life.  However, there are plenty of things we come across that will matter later in life.  Things like who we date in high school, and who won the thanksgiving tournament your junior year of basketball, are likely trivial when compared with getting good grades and reading the Bible.  Speaking of reading the Bible . . . I think I am going to go read 1 Thessalonians chapter 1.

My challenge for you is to think of some things that you used to think were important.  Maybe it was a fad, or a style of clothing.  Give yourself a good laugh.  Then think of things that you used to think were important and still do think are important.  This will give you a good place to start when looking for things that really matter in life. :)

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zachary Haas

A Ridiculous Realization

So there I was today working my third day of work since we've been open full time.  I am a river guide, meaning that I am supposed to spend my time on the river... guiding people -- go figure.  But instead, today I was more of a surfer, but not your traditional water surfer.  Instead, I spent three hours on top of a bus cutting down tree limbs.

We put the tubes for the customers on top of the bus and its really rather convenient until they get hit by a few thousand trees daily.  Thus, my job was to work with two other guys clearing a path for a bunch of inflated pvc.  I somehow was placed on top of the bus with a pair of clippers, while one guy drove me around, and the third grabbed what I cut and drug it into the woods.  This was ridiculously fun for about 10 minutes, then was just work for another 2.5 hours.  However, somewhere in the last 20 minutes I realized that I was completely exhausted.  My hands were cut raw from using clippers, my body was cut up from a bunch of tree limbs and bitten by God only knows what bugs and arachnids he created there.  Not too mention that I frequently bashed my knees while trying to avoid falling of the bus.  So yea, that was my day today.  In all reality is wasn't that bad, I just wanted to make it sound cool.  Anyway, none of this had anything to do with my realization.

I started this blog with the realization that I wanted more in my life.  I wanted to grow closer to God.  As a matter of fact, I wanted to grow so close to God that I was in fact a glowing radiant person.  I understand that the Bible has only mentioned two people that were ever glowing, and one of them was Jesus.  However, I have heard this expression used to describe people.  Anyway, while I was on the roof of a bus destroying nature for 3 hours, I had a lot of time to think.  I didn't really spend much time on this thought but it was interesting.  The name of my blog is Desperate to Glow.  It's relatively self explanatory.  I had a plan when I started that I wanted to follow but still have yet to enact.  I know that I really do want to be able to glow.  I really am desperate for you.  I think the ridiculous realization came because I had this song stuck in my head.

I want to know you
I want to hear your voice
I want to know you more
I want to touch you
I want to see your face
I want to know you more

This is a great worship song.  But if you really think about the lyrics, they are SERIOUSLY lacking something very important.  Yes, they are saying that you want a lot of things from the Lord, but so what?  You can also want a brand new Subaru WRX STI, or a new boat, but wanting them isn't going to do anything for you.  I can desperately want to glow, but thats not going to make me anything but wanting.  Have you figured out what I am getting at yet?  If you want a new car or boat you are going to have to do something about it.  These luxuries are expensive and will take a considerable amount of time working and saving in order to have them.  Is not glowing in Christ a luxury?  Will it not take as much work to accomplish?  I realized that I am desperate to glow, or grow as close to Christ as possible in a way that I never stop growing closer, but what am I doing about it?  I do not doubt that through writing my blog and my bi-weeekly church events I am growing; I am certainly growing a learning a multitude of good things through these events.  However, I think that in order to glow I should be doing something more daily, or perhaps even more than just daily.  Think about anything that glows.  Maybe one of those stars that you used to have on your ceiling when you were a kid.  They need constant light in order to glow when the lights go out.  Even giving them light once a day would only make them glow for a short while.

In an earlier blog post I mentioned that I learned that God's plan for life are written plain as day in the Bible.  I was incredibly inspire by this realization.  I wanted to read through 1 Thessalonians.  Friends, I have yet to look at Thessalonians.  Just now I realize that I haven't neglected the Bible completely.  I think that I mentioned before that there is a difference between studying, meditating, and reading.  I still want to make a more in depth blog on that topic in the future.  The point is, I have always been really good at studying God's word, and especially right now.  I think I am even doing ok meditating, but when it comes to reading I am epically failing.  This is something I still need to work on.

All in all, I realized there is much more to glowing (or growing) that just being desperate for it.  There is much more to God than wanting him.  God is very happy when we are wanting him and desperate for him, however, he is not satisfied.  We need to turn this desire into action.  I need to find a way to actively grow beyond the desire.  I need to be active to glow, I need to be moving to glow, and I need to be sprinting on eagles wings to glow!

My challenge to you this time is to think about this in yourself.  Do you know for a fact that in your core person you are desperate for God?  When you are singing worship songs you feel the spirit moving in you and you want it.  You KNOW that you WANT God... you are DESPERATE for HIM.  However, I want you to think, is this where it ends for you?  Are you stuck at wanting and desiring without attempt and action?  How can we expect to become more like Christ when all we are is wanting to be like Christ?  Jesus never just wanted to be more like his father, he never stopped working to become like his father.  A day never went by that Jesus wasn't living to become more like the Father.  Jesus is the perfect example of turning want and desire to action.  Are you doing the same? Or have you been measured, weighed, and found wanting?

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zachary Haas

Tired, which causes depressing thoughts

Today was the second day that I have started working full time.  I recently found out that I am going to be making $11 an hour.  This is $1.25 more than I was making last year, I was thinking that I would be quite happy with $10.50!  Praise the Lord.  I think that I actually got a little sick at my sisters graduation party from being in the chlorine to much.  Also, I have been seeing an incredible amount of sun the past 4 days and my body is not used to it at all.

My sister moves away in 1 week.  This is crazy.  I am slightly annoyed by her because she is the youngest in our family and is doing everything first.  Having a baby, moving out, likely getting married first.  Part of me honestly feels like some of my birthright was taken away.  I have a younger grandmother that we call granny.  I always wanted to be able to make her Great-Granny. (I forgot I had an older cousin that beat me to it, but I could have been the first in my family)  Its very hard to not view my sister as completely stupid -- even right now.  I have no idea what she is thinking.  She is driven by obsession with a boy.  I heard a Taylor Swift song the other day that made me think of her.  It was called Fifteen.  Now my sister will be 18 in a month and is essentially running away from home.  There's nothing anyone can do to stop her, and she already has a plane ticket.  The poor baby... my poor parents.

I feel most bad for my parents.  Sure they aren't perfect, but they do try.  They do love us and they work hard to give us good lives.  They have three children.  And really, I worry that I am there only real hope, especially by society standards.  My sister is a contributor to teenage pregnancy who is running away Florida to be with a lazy good for nothing boy who probably doesn't really care much about her.  But she thinks she knows what love is and is too blind to see him as anything but amazing.  My brother is a college dropout after one semester of school.  He constantly has a new girlfriend that has some kind of problem or trouble, generally in the emotional department.  He's an overweight hypochondriac who works at a theme part 50 hours a week for not much over minimum wage.  He doesn't really have a whole lot of skills elsewhere except for a waning love of children.

Then theres me.  The good kid.  The last chance and last hope.  But wait... thats not right... I am the first born.  How am I the last hope?  I should have been the first success.  Instead, I am the hope for the family.  I was the one with nearly straight A's, the record breaking runner in high school, the president of the youth group, the child who went on a missions trip to Nicaragua, the kid going to a Christian university pulling decent enough grades, having a reasonable paying job thats relatively fun each summer.  I am in the best shape, I have a great girlfriend that loves her family more than anything in the world and lacks emotional problems, I have all the potential.  I am the one left to make my family look good.  I am the one that makes my parents look like they get the credibility they deserver.

I hate fathers day.  To me it is the biggest guilt trip of the year.  I always feel like my dad worries he wasn't good enough.  That he blames himself.  That he didn't raise us well enough and give us good enough lives.  My dad never took us fishing, or biking.  We very very rarely went hiking and camping through my entire childhood.  He almost never (until I spent time with him traveling for college visits) spent time with us one on one or played catch showed us how to work on cars.  He never helped us build a treehouse or build anything for that matter.  My dad never spent time in close devotion with us or teaching us about God, heck, I am probably part of the reason he started going to church (My dad is certainly a man of God now).  My dad never really spent time teaching me anything.  Am I bitter?  Am I resentful?  Do I wish I had a different, better, more intimate father?

Absolutely NOT.  I have learned more from my parents than I have learned from any other source combined.  They are very different that most parents.  Our idea of fun was more going to the lake to swim, going to a theme park, going to the drive-in movies, or playing video games.  Some of my best times with my father was watching him play creepy games like Resident Evil or Eternal Darkness.  Anyone who says that video games cannot bring a family together does not know my family and are ignorant about video games.  My parents are very different than most parents.  My parents, my dad, never did the stereotypical things that great fathers do.  But I would never say he was a bad father.  Our dad wasn't the best at showing his love, but there is no doubt.  He is a hard worker and provider.  This is his way of showing his love.  Does he regret working long hours for most of our childhood?  Yes.  Thats why he tells me to go to school so I can make money and work only 40 hours a week instead of 70.  Physical touch is not something that is big in my family.  If I tried to go give my dad a hug it would be one of the most awkward things ever.  But I do not doubt that he cares for us.  I don't need that perfect stereotype dad.  I may love being outdoors, being active, and playing sports, but I also enjoy the things my dad did provide for us growing up.  I was blessed with a friends father for the outdoor adventures.

I have learned so much from my family.  I do not regret growing up with my parents, and I would not want to change to different parents and relive my life either.  My family has taught me the value of practicality and reason.  My dad is by far not the smartest man in the world.  If anything he has a learning and reading disability.  But that man has more common sense than most people I have met.  I have learned that there are things in life that are more important than getting good grades and being smart.  Being intelligent is important, but in my family we were raised to believe that common sense and practicality are equally if not more important.  We often joke about "smart" people that we know in my house.  Smart people meaning people who get straight A's and Valedictorians, and people that are just smart.  We look at them and see how un-smart they really are when it comes to common sense.  Being booksmart and passing tests does not make you a smart person.  I know plenty of people that can pass a test and get straight A's that I would call incredibly stupid.  My family has taught me so much about life.  The way I look at life, the way I reason.  I do not see things the same way as many people see them.  I see things for what they are worth.  I see the practicality in things.  For example, expensive things to me are often ridiculous.  When I look at sports cars I think of how ridiculous and pointless they are.  There are some exceptions, like the Subaru WRX STI, which is a practical sports car.  I'll take a $24,000 Subaru over a $70,000 Corvette any day.  Actually, I'd take the Vette, sell it, buy a Subaru and put $46,000 in the bank.  I was raised to see things for what they are truly worth, not what the world says they are worth.

I do not mind or see it as a bad thing or problem that I place a higher value on common sense than education.  I believe there are two forms of intelligence, both of which are important.  The first form is the education form.  People in this form see knowledge of topics as very important.  They see that succeeded in education leads to happiness and wealth.  Generally people that do well in school do well in their career, family and life.  To them schooling is important and shows your worth.  The second form of intelligence is the practicality form.  People in this form see common sense and application as very important.  To them education is a piece of paper that says you can memorize a bunch of stuff and spit it back out.  Generally people that know about life and how to deal and adapt to ever situation leads to a successful career, family, and life.  To them, the ability to know how to live, how to adapt, and how to work hard using your instinct shows your worth.  People in the first form use their acquired knowledge to succeeded and make decisions, where as people in the second form use their instinct and experience (and other people's experience) to make decisions.  I and my family lean towards the second form.  My girlfriend and her family lean towards the first, interesting eh?  However, in order to avoid being ignorant and completely foolish a truly wise person knows both.  I think everyone leans one way or another.  I lean towards practicality and reasoning, however, I highly respect, value, and see the reasoning behind the other.  I believe that a wise person develops skills in both areas.  This is why I am able to value my girlfriends tendency to lean towards education and knowledge, especially because I know that she understands the value behind practicality and reason.  I know that staying in school and getting good grades is a very practical and reasonable thing.  I see its use and value for what its worth.  However, I also see its problems.

Really quick example of a problem with education.  Education puts under qualified people in positions over qualified people.  My dad applied for a truck driving job after having driven for years.  A young man got the job because he had a college degree in photography.  Yea... you can take pictures... so that means you can drive a 6 ton 18 wheeler in the snow and try to park it in a spot 3 feet wider than the truck?  Have fun taking pictures of the damage you just did.  Another more personal issue.  I am going to graduate with a technically better major than my roommate.  This means that my piece of paper will say I am better than his piece of paper.  However, he has years of experience over me and I am constantly asking for his help!  But it is very possible and likely that a company could look at both of us and I would get the job because of that paper.  Think about it... would you rather have Bill Gates (a college drop out) look at your computer and fix it, or me whos nearly done with a college degree in computer science?  (I know, that last example has a few problems but you get the point)

Point being, I am happy and proud of my father.  I do not need a silly day for that.  It kills me every year when people are showing all these things that dads do that my dad has never done.  I know that it makes him feel inadequate.  But just because he is not a stereotypical frosted flakes dad does not mean he is inadequate.  I don't need my dad to throw me a baseball, there are machines that can that.  I need my dad to teach me how to live in this world, how to reason in this world, how to make intelligent decisions in every situation, how to see things for what they are really worth, and not see them the way they are advertised, how to work hard and raise a family, how to keep a head on your shoulders when your wife is going crazy because of bills, when your daughter is running away, and when your son drops out of college, when you are putting your last hope for a successful (at least in the eyes of most the world) child in your oldest child, when you keep losing a job to injuries and lack of education, and how to still try and be generous and willing when you have so little left to give.  These are the things I need my dad to teach me.  I need my dad, and I am happy and proud of him.  Happy stupid Father's day dad, you're better than frosted flakes dad anyway.

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zachary Haas

P.S.  The frosted flakes dad thing is a crack at those dads that you see in commercials playing catch and then running over smiling tackling and hugging their sons.  The stereotypical 'perfect' dad that makes great dads look inadequate.

P.S.S. Sorry for writing a book :\

Phew!

I know that it has been a while, but I just can't put much thought into this tonight.  I am exhausted after this weekend and first day of work.  However, its almost a good kind of exhausted.  My summer is just now finally officially starting, and what better way to start than with a 1.25$ an hour raise?  For those of you who know me, I basically kayak and push people down a river for a living.  Now imagine making 11$/hour with tips... Kayaking... down the amazing Hudson River.  If this was a year round job, and I could live and support a family on 11$/hour, I would probably have no use for college ;)

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zachary Haas

P.S. I'll have more to blog about shortly.  So stay tuned!

Cousins, family and graduation

My sisters graduation party is coming up this weekend so I will be exceptionally busy.  Thus, I don't think that I will be seeing much of my computer because my room is being rented out to cousins starting tomorrow night.  This means I might see my computer Monday if I'm lucky.  Not a lot going on really.  I'm just getting bored with summer and honestly ready for school.  I don't know... I was kinda depressed today so just keep me and my family in your thoughts and prayers.

Wednesday was still a fun day, and I was actually able to see my old youth pastor.  What I knew of him when I was 12-14ish is what I have always envisioned as a man of God.  He has changed a little now.  Not in a bad way but he's getting older and he's married and we don't see him much.  He definitely still had some good insights though.  More on him and Wednesday later.

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zachary Haas

No time

Hey, I'm busy tonight, perhaps I'll post double tomorrow.

Dear God

I know that we are not really supposed to ask why. But I really can't think of anything else to say. Perhaps instead of asking why and putting your immaculate name into question, I'll ask what. God, what are you doing? Has our family still not been through enough? Is there still more that we must go through? What more is there that can happen?

God, 6-8 years ago our father was injured an unable to work for years. We struggled and fought the court rooms. We nearly lost everything and were relying on the government, church and friends to get through. Lord, then you blessed us with a court settlement, after we had given up on it and moved on, of 250,000. Were we not respectful with this money and gave 25,000 to the church? We didn't waste the money, unless catching up on years of debt is waste. Is it not against your will to live in debt? So why again God? What is the reason for the recent injury? He loves the job that he is at for once. He is able to be home and make a reasonable income. Now we are struggling beyond belief and making sacrifices. First was cable, next is internet and cell phones. God I understand that these are not necessities for the most part, and that we can live without them but this is only the start. If only money were the issue things would be bad, but not so bad. And still God we are trying to keep out faith in you.

Lord, the situation with my sister is unfathomable. It is depressing enough to imagine a 16 year old girl raising a baby in this day and age. But now she thinks that she has everything figured out. She is moving away to the opposite side of the country to live with her “boyfriend” who probably couldn't care less about her in reality. The poor baby is going with them and is going to have to live in that situation. Gd this is producing so much stress, mixed with the lack of income. And still we are trying to keep our faith in you.

God the biggest thing now is the small stuff. Are not the big things enough to test us? Have we not already been tested enough? We are at risk of losing the house if Dad doesn't go back to work soon. I saw my parents growing closer through the pool. They were really enjoying themselves and swimming near daily. This was not only something fun for them but healthy. Now it has a crack in it a leaking. What was this for? Then, one of the cars gets a cracked windshield and the other an oil leak. What are these for? How much more faith do we need to show? How much more testing can we take?

God my mom is stressed beyond belief. And I think that my Dad is close to it, though he is better at hiding it. They are nearing desperation. God I personally am doing all right. But then again, my life is mostly good. I have the scholarships I need, the grades are fine, and I have an amazing girlfriend that brings me joy despite being in Spain. But I worry about my parents. They are struggling and are starting to do things just to make it to the next day without near insanity. These mild joys and entertainments cannot sustain them long. God, my family is falling apart around me and there is nothing I can do. Nothing I can do but continue to pray to you. But why have you fallen silent on our household? How can I find answers from you in other parts of my life while my own families house falls apart? God, please show us what you are doing. Show us your power, your will and your reason. I honestly don't know how much more our family can take. We are a broken people who have nothing left but you or hopelessness. Lord God, please save us from certain hopelessness. We are desperate to make it with you, let alone glow through you.

Your friend, brother, and servant Lord,

-Zachary Haas

P.S. Please pray passionately for my family. These trials are tremendous and are becoming more difficult nearly hourly. Thank you.

Being a Friend and Having Friends

This may sound completely ridiculous, but I struggle with having friends. It's not that I am not a good friend or do not have friends, it's that I struggle to accept them. I am not sure why I struggle with this. Perhaps it is just a general distrust for people, but I honestly don't know exactly what it is. It's not that I struggle to open up with people, nor do I struggle with letting people open up to me. As a matter of fact, there may be a number of people that consider me a very close friend. For some reason, I don't really think of many people as very close friends. I guess I view friendships as fragile. I have people that I like to hang out with, and like to do things with, and I call them friends. However, part of me still keeps everyone at a distance and doesn't allow me to be close. Some of it may come from my past experience with friends. When I think about high school I remember hundreds of people. Many of them I used to hand out with and talk to frequently. However now, I can count the number of them on two hands, and the ones I talk to while at college, on one. Perhaps part of it also comes from the fact that my parents have had very few friends that I have seen. For the most part they hang out with each other and the rest of our family. I think that I have sorta grown to few life like this. Friends are great until you graduate and move on. Then there are a couple that you see once in a great while, but for the most part you live with you family and take care of them. However, I do no think this is how God wants me to be or how he intended it.

Friends are important. Very important. I have come to realize this more recently. I have never really had someone that I would call a best friend. At least not for most of my life. The closest thing that I had was a buddy that I hung out with all the time and did things with. Yes, we may have connected on a more intimate level than the rest of the people that I knew, but there was still something missing. I don't know that I have ever had that person that I could just share things with and just go to whenever I needed something. (The “buddy” that I had I would certainly not go to now with anything I am dealing with as we have grown apart over the years. We still hang out a lot but it's just different. Perhaps this is my fault. Or perhaps we are just different spiritually) Until recently. There is someone that I now consider close enough to me to call a best friend. Of course, this best friend also happens to be in Spain right now and will be going to Oxford following that. This certainly puts a damper on a friendship. I will not truly experience this loss until I return back to IWU in the fall. It will be then that I realize exactly how much I am missing. This person has done everything with me for 2 years. I have always had someone to turn to with anything no matter how strange and ridiculous it was. I have always had this person to invite to things and who generally followed. Now this friend is going to go from having a major role in my life to a relatively minor role. For now, I cannot wait for the return of this friend in January, but I am certainly missing them now. Yes yes yes, this is a little sappy and sad and depressing but that's not the point. The point is that this person has taught me the value of friendship and the important role that it plays in everyone's lives. And no, the moral of this is not going to be “Jesus is that perfect friend that is always there no matter what. He will never leave or grow tired.” Though, this is a very important factor that should not be undervalued!

I also do not want to make it sound like there is no one that is important to me or no one that I care about. I care about many of you, why else would I go through the effort of showing you this side of me? “I don't care about half of you half as well as I should like, and I care about less than half of you half as well as you deserve.” Notice the modified quote from Bilbo Baggins. I realize this is a significant problem, and I am deeply apologetic. It grieves me to think that I just don't care about people and friendships because in my opinion they will all disappear in just one more year. At this point I have even confused myself. I think the point is, that I don't let myself become to attached to a person because it almost seems pointless to me. I often feel that I do no need close friends in my life and that just normal friends are good enough and are a dime a dozen. Again, I do not wish to sound as if I do not care about any of you or any of my friendships, and again I do not think this is how God wants or intends it to be.

So what does God say about friendships? Let's take a look. Deuteronomy 23:6 “Do not seek a treaty of friendship with them as long as you live.” Well, I guess that says that. God says not to make friendships as long as I live. See ya. Ok, just kidding. This is a perfect example of taking the Bible out of context. But I found it mildly humorous when I search the Bible for friend. 1 Samuel 20:41-42 “After the boy had gone, David got up from the south side of the stone and bowed down before Jonathan three times, with his face to the ground. Then they kissed each other and wept together—but David wept the most. Jonathan said to David, "Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the LORD, saying, 'The LORD is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever.' " Then David left, and Jonathan went back to the town.”

Wow. Remember Jonathan? He was the king's son, heir to the thrown. Remember David? God said he would be king. Something is wrong with this picture. Jonathan should hate David. Instead, we see a deep friendship, that cannot even be separated by Jonathan's father. They have sworn their friendship to the Lord. This kind of support should be envied by any Christian. Provers 18:24 “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” A friend who is closer than a brother? The Bible says that even when ruin comes upon us we will not be alone if we have friends. Remember Daniel? He and his friends were able to teach things to the king. If he were alone, one man, would he have had the same kind of power? Is not a number of people doing one thing more threatening than one man?

After having done a more thorough search through the Bible, I realize that it speaks more against friends than for friends. The Bible repeatedly reminds us that friends on earth will lead to destruction, that friends cannot be trusted and even friends and brothers will deceive us. However does this really mean that we should not have friends? Should we really go through the world alone? Certainly not! Jesus himself had many friends. He called them disciples yes, but he also promised them that they would do greater things than he! Jesus taught them, walked with them, talked with them, shared his food with them and healed them. Certainly these were true friends. In the end, I am sure non of the disciples (save Judas) would have considered Jesus anything less than the best friend they have ever had. I have already talked about in an earlier post about how I view my relationship with God as a friendship. Clearly, there is something to be said about friendships. After all, Paul addresses nearly everyone as “dear friends.”

For me, it is so much easier to be a friend than it is to take a friend. I can provide all the greatest friend qualities in the world but I have a hard time accepting them. For some reason I tend to not connect with people as closely as they connect to me. This will be something that I will be praying about. It is not impossible for me to connect with people on a more intimate basis, as I have with that one person. (Ok, yes it helps that she is my girlfriend that I care about very much in different regards, but she also maintains all the qualities of what I think a best friend should be) I love being all of your friends. I have no problem putting myself and going out of my way. I think that the real problem is that I have trouble needing all of you. I believe the Bible says that we need communion and fellowship. I also believe that this is to be at a level beyond just hanging out and doing things together. Nothing special needs to happen, but there should be a more intimate connection with people. A soul connection even. This is something that I can't say I allow myself to have with very many people. But I promise to work at it. Even if we never see each other again after college that doesn't mean that we lose our benefit as friends. Again, I apologize for holding you all at a distance, I will try to allow myself to become more intimate so that we may provide each other more mutual benefit. We are not in this thing called life alone, no matter what my insecurities are telling me. I do care about you all, do not get me wrong. And I do value our friendship. I just want to be able to allow myself to let you closer. To let you connect with me more intimately. Friendships are important. They are important to us no matter what stage in life we are at. We all need someone to go to. And let's face it, our spouses, bf's and gf's, mothers and fathers, cannot always be everything we need. We need... I need to be able to allow myself the benefit of having intimate friendships with people that I can trust and go to in a time of need. I provide you all with myself, but I need to focus more on learning to provide you all with myself. Thank you all, and I apologize for my occasional lack of trust, faith, and security with you. I pray that you forgive me for this, and that you pray that I am able to accept the friendships that I need in order to grow closer to God. Pray that I find friendships with you that help me to glow, and that help me to grow.

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ.

-Zachary Haas

Church Today

So today is Sunday.  That means that it was church day.  I'd have to say, I am a pretty big fan of my church back home.  We have a pretty amazing pastor.  We have been going through a series on the family.  Today, was anger with one another.  He talked about how outward expression of anger should be dealt with through a process.  He actually had a diagram of a start with each point being of significance.  The five points from start to finish are : Affirmation of the person, Importance of the relationship, The stress their action is causing, Your requested action, and Reaffirmation of the person.

I personally thought this was an interesting concept on how to deal with anger.  Not only does this method truly show the person that you are angry, it also shows that you are maturely trying to deal with it and you genuinely care about it.  I know that there have been times in my life where I was really angry with people that are very close to me.  It is very easy to just become bitter, or let the issue stew.  This is not really a healthy approach.   Thankfully, I do not become truly angry very often.  I am generally a passive person and will let things slide and ignore them unless real action is necessary.

Occasionally something will really upset me and I will have to deal with it.  I want to try and keep this model in mind and see how it works with people that are close to me.  It makes sense to me.  Generally when I am mad at someone I am looking for a resolution, not a fight.  This "Star" method seems to be able to provide a perfect solution.  Do not downcast the person, instead affirm them and tell them whats wrong.  Sounds great to me.

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zachary Haas

God and Eighth Graders

So the yesterday I was called in to be a substitute for the third time.  This was perhaps the most interesting of the times.  It's kinda surprising that I only got called in three ties considering I was planning on being called in closer to 50, which would have been a lot more money.  Oh well, I have at least made more money than I have spent in the teaching field.  I had to spend 50$ to get my fingerprints done and 40$ in nice substitute pants.  Now, the pants you might not consider that much of an expense, but it was 20$ for each pair.  I hate spending money on all pieces of clothing and will generally not spend more than 10-ish dollars for a pair of pants.  The only piece of clothing I spend money on is shoes, because I see the practicality in pricier shoes with a purpose.  Walmart 10$ shoes just don't make the cut.

Anyway, I went to go substitute as a middle school (boys) gym teacher.  The girls were there too, but fortunately they had their own gym teacher that I worked side by side with the whole day.  Having this dear woman was a blessing even if she was a bit intimidating.  Female gym teachers are tough!  I had to teach one class of each, 5th through 8th grade.  To make matters worse, there are only 2 weeks or less of school left for middle schoolers. I want to focus this tale primarily on the eighth graders, however, each of the gym classes were huge in comparison to the 20 or less gym classes I was in in high school.  These four classes ranged from about 50 students to 70, in a gym smaller than my high school and middle school gym.  My job was made slightly easier because the kids had to take a final.  Yes I know, a final in gym? Such a cruel world.  But let's just say this final was a joke.  Should have been simple for a 5th grader even and they all had the same test.  Here are a few of the harder questions: how many players are on a ____ team? (soccer, football, field hockey, volleyball),  what comes next, bump set _____? and Hut, hut, hut, set, HIKE, are examples of what?  Off the top of my head I couldn't think of what the last one was, but it was cadence.  Then, to make the test even easier, there was a word bank.  The test was 20% of the gym grade.

Anyway, if you remember 8th grade you might remember yourself or your peers.  Let's just say, there was nothing discrete about any of them.  You could give me at least a paragraph description of each of them after about 3 seconds of looking at one. (Well, at least the boys)  They all dress exactly like their personality, and they are all dressing in a way that they think would be cool.  A few of the guys were dressed tough; tight under armor, blond spiked hair, bulging pectoral and bicep muscles were common.  Anyway, these kids were nuts.  And the craziness was caused/inspired but us, the teachers.  After the test the kids had about 30 minutes left to play a game.  What game would you love if you were a tough guy show off?  Well I'll give you a hint, and it's not hot potato or hopscotch -- it's flying balls of doom.  That's right, we tell them to make even teams and we give them a bunch of balls to hit each other with.  Sounds like dodgeball right? That's not so bad.  Well, in dodgeball, you generally sit out or go to the other side or something when you get hit.  Well, not in super intense 8th grade dodgeball you don't.  Instead, you just keep grabbing balls and launching them at kids on the other side as hard as you can regardless of how many times you get hit.  Imagine about 15 balls and 6 kids doing this-- including girls, though they were general more chatty targets than anything else.  Oh, I forgot to mention that Mrs. Tough had left me alone to start this "healthy" massacre, but I knew she was coming back.  So when she came back I tried to pretend that they were playing normal dodgeball so that she wouldn't kill me for having no control over these kids.  However, when she came she did quite the opposite.  She just kinda laughs a little bit and says "Yea, let's let them burn energy for a little while." At this point I thought Mrs. Tough was really Mrs. Insane.  I could see a fight breaking out any minute (which it didn't) because of the lack of rules and continual beatings taken by balls to the face.  Instead she just kinda watched and let them have at it.  Apparently this wasn't that uncommon but I was slightly terrified to say the least.  In the end, she told them they burned enough energy and told them to get basketballs and play basketball.  Hm, I don't know about you but I just say kids killing each other with soft foam balls, so she suggest that they get basketballs?  Yup, in less than 2 minutes there was 20+ basketballs flying around the room, thankfully, generally, at basketball hoops, but it was still probably quite dangerous.  Miraculously no one was hurt and I was left awestruck at all that just happened.  And apparently, this is how this gym class was supposed to work -- Crazy.

So, how can I apply this to the Bible?  Well, it would be tough without a zany nearly heretical connection from Zach.  The way I see it God is the gym teachers and we are the 8th graders.  God has made rules for our lives that sometimes we bend.  To a point, God is sometimes okay with our rules, though likely looking with a skeptical eye.  He does not want us to get hurt, but he wants us to be able to figure things out and learn on our own.  Sometimes, I think God just steps back and let's us live crazy lives in order for us to "burn energy."  God, like the gym teachers, were never out of control though it would have appeared like it.  All it takes is one word, or one message during church or something to set things straight.  Just like with the 8th graders, despite their apparent lack of control, all it took was a few words from the teacher and they stopped and changed what they were doing.  It's kind of cool to know that God has that kind of control over our lives at any given time, no matter how crazy things seem.

Your friend, brother and companion in Christ,
-Zachary Haas

God's Plan for My Life. Wait... it was always that simple and in front of me?

This is a post that I have been itching to write for about 3-4 weeks now.  It was really a combination of this one and the one about God being a friend that really started the idea to make a blog.  SO IF YOU NOTICE THIS POST, I URGE YOU TO READ IT.  IT HAS MORE IMPORTANT MEANING TO ME THAN SOME OF THE OTHERS.  I hope you enjoy and find something to learn too.

I have mentioned before that I have struggled to find God's will for my life.  After the message that I talked about from Steve DeNeff, I learned that God was always with us no matter what.  It caused me to believe that that is a part of the free will God gives us.  God wants us to make choices on our own, but he wants us to make our choices with a faith assurance that He's not going anywhere.  There are at least 4 places in the Bible that talk about how God will never leave us or forsake us.  For right now I like it best in Deuteronomy.

"And the LORD, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.”-Deuteronomy 31:8 (NKJV)

However, sometimes it is very hard to live by this kind of faith.  It is not always easy to try and say well I am going to do this and have faith that God is with me.  Though at the time I felt assured thats what God wanted me to hear, but as my life went on I realized  that there is more to God's will and plans than just having faith that he is with us.  He is always with us, even when we are sinning and running down the path of God rejection -- look at Jonah.  But then, 2.5 years later I have found what I think to be the answer to so questions revolving around God's will for our lives.  And you are not going to believe how easy and simple it is.  I didn't.

Perhaps I am the only one who has overlooked this a thousand times.  Perhaps I am the only one who has been blind to God's obvious call to arms.  Maybe everyone has already known this and I am the only one who missed it.  For some reason I honestly feel like I can't be alone.  How many times have you heard the phrase if you want to know God's will for your life read the Bible.  WAIT!  Stay with me now.  Those of you that just read that line thinking that I just said something incredibly clichéd will know EXACTLY what I am talking about.  We have all heard a million times that if we want to hear God we need to be reading the Bible daily, but how many of us honestly do that.  Theres more, but let me put it in the words of Mike Hurt who caused me to come to this realization.

"Don't become your own urban legend by thinking that God's will is like your personal autopilot.  When you discover what God wants for you to do, it will take energy and effort on your part to live it out.
Many of us have the delusion that if we knew with certainty what God wanted us to do, then we would do it without question, no matter the cost.  Not true -- our personal history bears witness to it.  There are commands in Scripture that you and I disobey every day.... Each of us can remember a time when we knew God wanted us to do something and we refused.  His Spirit whispered to us, we knew it was God, and yet, we did not take action.  Maybe it was a prompt to share your faith with a new friend or shut your mouth when everyone else was bashing your boss.  Whatever the instance, you ignored the prompting. You and I have proven it: Knowledge of God's will is no guarantee for obedience to God's will." (Mike Hurt, Connect the Dots pg. 18)  

Did you catch that?  I pointed out the exact line that did it for me.  "The answer is so obvious!  God's will for our life is to follow Him.  But what does this mean? "Read the Bible to hear God" NO! Really read it, it's right there, all the answers." Is a comment I wrote in the book right next to that phrase.  If God has already given us His will and we are not following it, why are we still asking for it?  The Bible is absolutely filled with God's will for our life.  It is everywhere.  Jesus even specifically said in John 14 that if we love him we will follow his commands.  If we are not following the commands that God has already given us why would he give us more?  I am sure by now there should be a list in your head of broken commands and places of inadequacies in your life.  I could think of a despicable plenty.  Honestly I couldn't believe that I had never seen this or realized this before.  I had always thought about it in a different way.  The idea that seeing isn't believing kind of thing.  People say that if Jesus appeared to them they would believe on spot.  This isn't true because the people who could see Jesus killed him.  Clearly seeing him wasn't enough.  However, I was making this same mistake that I was aware in a different context.  I know what God's wants me to do (or should read the Bible more to remind myself) yet I still choose to not care and do what I want at times.  Really, what got to me was that God's plans for our lives are literally right in front of our faces, in the very word of God.  If we want to hear God's plan for our lives, read the Bible.  Seriously really read it.  He has written it down for us.

Obviously, the Bible isn't going to direct say "Zachary, I want you to move to Arizona after college to do this that and something else."  But my, what a great place to start.  If we start following God's general plan for our lives on a day to day basis, we will already be living out his will!  When we are living in His will I am sure that other parts of his plan for our life will be revealed.  So, start reading the Bible and obey all the commands that God has laid out for you.  My goal is every time I see a command in the Bible I am going to write it down.  These commands are how God wants me to live my life every day.  We need to start with these so that we can get the rest.  How are we supposed to hear God and know his word if we aren't reading his word?  I just can't believe that I have heard it a million times that we need to read our Bibles.  Even more so, I can't believe that the answers were always so close I just missed it.  I hope that you see what I mean.  This concept was really eye opening to me and I hope that I have explained it well enough to my readers.  Just think, we CAN know God's will for our lives.  All we have to do is blow the dust off that old book and start reading it.

"One of the reasons certainty does not necessarily result in obedience is because God is not looking for certainty -- He is looking for faith.  While we want to know more, God wants to trust us more.  While we want assurances concerning the future, God wants us to place our future in His hands.  While we want our doubts and fears to go away, God wants to turn them into a strengthened faith in Him.  It is our faith in the middle of every circumstance that pleases God -- not our certainty of our next step." -page 19

Of course this is how God wants it.  But for me this is incredibly hard to do.  Being uncertain about something is one of my biggest pet peeves ever.  I can not stand not knowing.  Whether it be how to do homework, or how to do something else, not knowing how to do something frustrates and depresses me.  I absolutely despise it.  This is why it is hard for me to just pick up the Bible and find God's commands so that I can follow them.  I know that it is what I am supposed to do, and honestly it is what I want to do, but why is it so hard to make time and actually do it.  I confess, that even though I have found this realization about 3 weeks ago, the amount of time I have spent inside my Bible beyond these posts should be enough to weep (not in a good way).  So wait, I'm saying that I have found God's will for my life yet I haven't grabbed hold of it and been consumed in the Bible for three weeks?  Ding Ding Ding! Winner.  I have proved the author correct.  However, as I think about it right now I find this encouraging.  Wait... encouraging that I have failed to do what I know is right? YES! ABSOLUTELY!  I am even MORE sure that it is what I am supposed to be doing.  What better place for Satan to attack than what I know is right?  If it had been easy for me to start searching God's word right away and truly studying it and meditating on it I would have doubted my recent epiphany.  The fact that I have barely started confirms any doubt that I had that God's will for my life is written plain as day thousands of years ago.  I just need to grab hold and find it.  And it might be a good idea to hold on for the ride.

My challenge today for you is to try it yourself.  If you are looking for a different place to start than the obvious 10 commandments, I recommend 1 Thessalonians.   There are many commands about God's will there that are literally written as God's will.  This is where I am going to start.  It still shocks me that I have missed such an obvious gift from god, His written will, for so long.  I mean really, when you think about it.  God's will... ITS RIGHT THERE! We've had it our whole lives.  Why did I not here it all those times I shrugged off people saying, "Well, did you read your Bible?"  At least I have heard it now.  And I hope that you have learned something too.

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
Zachary Haas

Who is God to ME?

After about an hour of messing with the new template creator, I decided it was time to actually write the post for today.  Naturally after a distraction comes a disaster so my computer decided to freeze.  Anyway, I have something a little more thoughtful that I want to write about soon, but due to time I'll be saving that for a later date.

For today I want to talk about something that I first first thought about during the during summit 2010.  Yes I am sure that we all remember it, the one that made the sheltered home-schoolers mouths hit the floor.  Anyway, I am not sure that what I started thinking about has anything to do with the messages, but it has to do with the person of God.  Who is he exactly?  And more specifically, what is he to me?

We have all heard the Christian God called numerous things as we've grown up.  Jehovah (provider), Father, Counselor, Friend, Alpha and Omega, Yahweh (divine, more personal name for God), King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Elyon (most high), Prince of Peace, and maybe even Allah.  However, I was realizing that God has each of these names for a reason.  Each person looks at God as a little bit different.  Many people look to God to fill something that is missing in their lives.  As a matter of fact, a popular atheistic stance is that God isn't real because he is just a wonderful illusion of something that we don't have, or something that we want.  So I began thinking what is God to me, and how do I treat him?

For the record, I do not believe God is any one of these things.  The truth is the opposite -- God is all of the above.  God made all these things and many of them already have places on Earth.  We have fathers, and kings and counselors and friends.  So why do we call God these things?  I believe we call him these things because these are what we hold as most dear and powerful.  To a child, no one is greater than daddy, not even a different daddy comes close.  To a servant no one is greater than his king, lord, or master.  We use these words to describe God because we have nothing better.  Our minds can not comprehend words to describe how great God really is so we give him what is greatest to us.  That said, there is nothing wrong with giving God any of these titles.

Friend -- what God is to me.  Many of you may have heard me use the phrase "God and I have a special friendship relationship."  I do not know if I am entirely right or nearing heresy, but I enjoy having God be a friend and treat him as such.  I occasionally joke around with God and make humorous statements concerning Him or something about Him.  I even sometimes pretend to predict what God what say.  Something I might say is "God is probably like... well that was a dumb move wasn't it?" Or something along those lines.  It is ok to have fun with God?  It's no different than I would treat myself.  If God made us according to His own image, shouldn't that mean that God also has a sense of humor?  I believe that it does.  I also believe that there is a degree of appropriateness.  It would be foolish to mock the Lord or to try and make him appear out of control or less powerful than he is.  But I have not felt convicted nor have I developed any terrible diseases or gotten hit by lightning lately so for now I believe I am ok.

The problem is this.  Sometimes it is easy to look at God as a friend.  Friends can be viewed too easily as equals.  I think that there have been times in my life that I have placed God into the friend box ignoring the fact that he is much more.  I don't think that it's something I really struggle with but I am sure there have been times.  It's important to remember that God is a few more things.

Lord-- is probably the easiest one for me to see God as.  When I think of the word Lord I think about savior.  I think about how he is the one who is going to save me when all is said and done.  The Lord will have mercy on me in the end and he, through Jesus, will be the one welcoming me into heaven.

King-- is one I may struggle with most.  A king is someone who rules over you.  He essentially has the right to tell you exactly what to do.  Going against the king and his will results in death in most cases.  This is the same way God as king works.  However, he is also a forgiving king who gives mercy.  God places rules and boundaries in our lives.  He wants us to be his willful servants, not forced slaves.  He also wants his servants to build his kingdom.  I highly doubt that I am alone when I say this is a tough person to have God be.  How often do we care more about our own personal kingdoms than God's?  I know that there have been times in my life when I was not building God's kingdom.  Every time we conform to the ways of our non-Christian, or even Christian friends we are not building God's kingdom.  Unfortunately, there is way to much of the denying Peter in most all of us.  A king is also to be respected and honored by his people.  If God is our King how much more should he be honored and respected?  When we become like the people of this worldly kingdom, we are not respecting and honoring the heavenly kingdom of God.  Seeing God as my king is something I still need to work on at times.

Many of the characters of God are easier to see and accept for me.  I can see God as Jehovah and all the things he provides for me.  I can see him as the one true divine Lord, Yahweh.  He is my beginning and end, counselor and father.  I need to remember daily that God is all these things to me and more.  I need to be able to give God the respect and honor that he deserves in each of these positions.  It is important to make sure that we are not accidentally looking at God as only one of the above.  I need to make sure I am not limiting God by confining Him to one area or another.  All parts of my life need to be dictated and mandated by Him and through Him.  There is no one like my God.  What about yours?

I challenge you to think of as many things/names/descriptions as you can for God.  Then see how you line up with each.  Do you see God as a father but struggle to see him as Lord?  Or do you see him as a counselor who is there to fix your problems but forget that he is your creator?  Ask yourself which relationship is easiest for you to have with God, which one is most common, and then which relationship is hardest, or least common, in your life.  Perhaps you will find something in your walk that you have never noticed before.

My prayers are with you all, thank you for reading :)

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zachary Haas

Myths about God's plans for my life

Today is Wednesday, which just so happens to be my favorite day of the week.  Why is Wednesday my favorite day of the week?  3 Reasons; it will be one of my days off, 5 cent wings at the local pub,  and my young adult group (small group for young adults, go figure) meets today.  The small group is led by a couple who are around 30 years old.  The girl, Debbie, is pregnant with her 4th child, all of which are boys, around 2, 4, and 6.  Anyway, they are both really awesome people and I love them both.  Last week I actually was asked to lead the lesson because they were busy and to my surprise it went really well and the others in my group listened.  I'll talk more about the group specifically some other time and how my leading went some other time too.

Today, I just want to briefly mention some of the myths that people (and occasionally myself) have about how God speaks or shows his plan for our life.  These ideas come from the book that my group is working through: Connect the Dots.  The first myth is that God opens and closes doors.  Now this is obviously not a complete myth but many times people put too much stock in it.  Yes, God can open doors but every open door is not necessarily from God.  Instead we should look at open doors and make judgments.  Maybe take a step inside and make sure that they are ok and make sure that they are both honoring to God and honoring to my character.  Satan has the power to open doors that may look good or feel good.  The real point is that we can't always say that just because a door is open it is good.  Sometimes we need to test the door and make sure that it is right.

The second method that we all use is the "fleece" method.  We see Gideon using this method in Judges 6:36-40.  Here Gideon clearly tests God and is shown what to do.  We cannot limit God in this way.  God has the right to do what he want -- after all he is the creator.  We cannot always test God in this way.  If we could, then faith would be completely pointless because we would all be putting fleeces outside in order to know God's will.  Instead, God wants us to use common sense.  Gideon did not have the Bible, God's word as we do.  We are supposed to be in constant study of God's word so that we can make a decision based on what we know.  God may me all knowing, but he still gives us the freedom of choice, however that works I don't know, all I know is that if I think about it too much it makes my brain want to explode.  I believe that sometimes God wants us to make decisions by faith.  He wants us to make choices ourselves.  However, when we make choices ourselves I think that we are also supposed to believe that we are not alone.

This is actually something I learned freshman year.  To be completely honest I do not like Steve DeNeff.  I am sorry, but there is something about the way he preaches or something that I do not like.  However, when I was a freshman, during fall semester he was the summit speaker (summit is a time that we can choose to go to chapel and get a heightened experience of God).  I think then I only went to one of the optional summits.  As a freshman I was seriously wondering what major I should take.  I had signed up for computer science but was really unsure (as are a lot of freshman) as to if that was what I was supposed to be doing.  Something that Steve said spoke to me at a spiritual level.  He said that sometimes we need to make decisions based on faith.  He said that we have the right to choose and sometimes God gives us the choice to do what we want.  However, when we choose to do what we want we are supposed to know that no matter what God is with us.  God will never leave us or forsake us.  I truly believe that there are situations in our lives where our choices are completely up to us.  We have to make decisions knowing that no matter what we choose God will be with us.  He will be our strength when we doubt our decisions.  He will be our perseverance when we think that we can't go on.  This is living a faithful life.  This is the life we need to live.

There are a number of other methods that we sometimes use to figure out God's will but I think that I have said enough for now.  The end result is that we need faith.  We cannot ask God for answers until we have faith in ourselves and in Him.  We need to believe that he is with us no matter what.  We also need to be able to accept that sometimes God wants us to make decisions knowing that he has our back when things get tough.  We need to love God so that we can experience His love.  We need to trust God so that we can make decisions.  God is with us whatever we do.  As a matter of fact, he is still there when we make bad decisions.  He is even there when we sin, no matter how much we wish that he wasn't.

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
Zachary A. Haas

Suffering, this journey will not be easy...

First of all, just so that you all know, you do not need to make a blogger account in order to read this.  You also do not need an account in oder to leave comments.  There are a number of ways that you can leave comments including AIM screen names. Just thought you should know. Now on to the Blog.

Do not be afraid of what you are about to suffer. I tell you, the devil will put some of you in prison to test you, and you will suffer persecution for ten days. Be faithful, even to the point of death, and I will give you the crown of life.                                                                                                                    -Revelation 2:10 (NIV)

Wow what a verse.  I had a number of verses written down on a virtual sticky not that I went through tonight.  I do not know where I found them or why there were there.  I actually thought they were about something completely different.  But perhaps this is actually supposed to speak to me. The rest of the verses on the list were mostly about Paul and his suffering. And if you are not familiar with Paul's sufferings read this for a refresher 2 Corinthians 11:22-28.  Paul was reestablishing his credibility to the Corinthians to show that he was not a false prophet because the people had fallen so easily to some false teachers.  I still cannot remember why I wrote down all these verses, but the one in Revelation really stood out this time.

These are the people that we are supposed to be.  This is the person I'm supposed to be.  Jesus never said that following him would be easy.  He also did not say that it would be without suffering or persecution.  This verse promises that we will find suffering.  However, it also tells us to not be afraid.  I know that there are many times in my life that I fail when it comes to tests.  Some of these tests should be so easy to follow but yet I still fail.  It doesn't always seem like I am afraid, but that is exactly what it is -- fear.  Fear of how other people would react or what they would say/think.  The Bible says that if I am faithful, even to the point of death, I will be given a crown of life!  Why is this promise not enough to spur me (us?) into courage?  What in the world (quite literally actually) are we afraid of when we have JEHOVAH as our God?  Will he not provide for our every need?  Will he not comfort us when we are at our lowest?  Has he not already given us the ultimate sacrifice of giving his SON?

Perhaps we do not know exactly how it would feel to give up our only son because we are still too young to have children of our own.  But if you really think about it, it should hurt.  Imagine that you are married to your spouse.  You love them more than you ever thought imaginable (do not forget that God manages to love them even more and in ways we couldn't imagine).  Now lets say that you have a son.  Not only did you have a son, but he is absolutely perfect in every way.  He is flawless.  He has obeyed ever command that you gave him, he never dishonored you in your entire life.  He is the captain and all star quarterback in his high school and college team.  He has now signed a contract to be the starting quarterback at your favorite NFL team (I pick the Giants, lol).  I also forgot to mention that he was a 4.0 student and was given a full ride scholarship to his choice of Yale, Princeton, and Harvard because of his academic and athletic performances.  He has also never been drunk, done drugs, had sex, stolen, or put anyone down.  He went to church and midweek service every week and even led a small group of his own.  He was perfect.  Now imagine taking this son (who is still only a candle next to the sun when compared to Jesus) and sending him to the front lines of war, a war where being in the front lines is guaranteed death.  You will never see this son again because his body will be mangled beyond recognition.  He died to defend our country.  Jesus died to defend out soul.  God allowed this.  God did this.  How can God who has everything and is perfect and needs nothing sacrifice this kind of son for me?  Love?  No, not even the word love comes close to God's absolute desperation and desire to have us in his courts.

So WHY?  God is clearly this superior being that is so great, powerful and mighty that we can't even make up words to describe him -- magnicalicious still doesn't come close (thank you Ted Dekker).  So why is it that we still fail to follow his plans?  Why are we still afraid of the world?  I do not have an answer to this question, only a realization that I am among the afraid.  Why is it so hard to stand up for the ways of the Lord?  Why is it so easy to stumble and fall into the ways of the world?  My answer is simply that it does not matter.  It does not matter how many times we fall or fail.  Or doesn't matter how many times we disappoint God because he is  still able to forgive us and see past our iniquities.  However, doesn't this still make you feel a bit down and a bit depressed?  Yes, God will still forgive us and give us another chance, but this doesn't necessarily make me feel any better.  As a matter of fact, it almost makes me feel worse.  With so many chances why can't I get it right?

My conclusions is to be happy.  I am happy that God gives us so many chances.  I am happy that I am allowed to try again and again to live for him.  No matter what kind of failure I find myself in God is still ready and willing to forgive the truly repentant heart.  I am very sorry that I disappoint God so many times, but I see this as a good thing.  The fact that I truly heart at times means that I am being honest with God.  I am being truly sorry because of my anguish caused by myself.  This is why I want to glow.  I want to get to a point where I am so close to God and am following Him so much that people actually see me as glowing.  God has given us specific guidelines and rules to follow.  They are in the Bible, written plain as day.  But this is the topic of another blog post.

Again, thank you for reading, and thank you even more for your prayers.  This is going to be an interesting and difficult journey.  But I hope that someday I am seen as glowing, and that someday I am able to hear God's voice saying "Well done, my good and faithful servant."

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zachary Haas

P.S. If when we get back to IWU you see me as "glowing" let me know!  This will be an amazing encouragement.  However, please do not tell me that I am glowing just to make me feel good, as this would defeat the purpose of what I am trying to do.  Again, thank you so much for your time and prayers.  Feel free to let me know if there is anything that I can pray for you!