So during the past few weeks or less I have been coming across a similar concept. It's an interesting concept that has been following me around lately. It has come in different words and forms, but the best word I can use to describe it is 'influence.' I actually talked about this a little bit in a recent post. Due to the amount of times this has recently come up in my life I have decided to write about it.
Right now the word influence has been coming to me in the form of a challenge. The places I have found the concept are: church, chapel, class, a book I read for a class, and maybe from a professor. Each place may have talked about it differently but the idea was still the same -- how am I influence other people, and what are they seeing in me? How am I reflecting God?
This concept has really be challenging my character and my thoughts. I am not really sure what to do about it. For the most part I am a pretty strange, and ridiculous guy. I probably influence people to be stranger and more ridiculous when they are with me. Am I reflecting that God is strange and ridiculous? I hope that this absurdly not so. I haven't felt guilty or convicted in anything that I am doing to influence people, but I wonder if something is missing.
One of the things that I really envy in some people is their ability to encourage. I am a terrible encourager. You have got to be really needing encouragement if you are coming to me. I can lift your spirits and help you fell better, but I am not likely going to encourage or congratulate you. My personality just doesn't give praise and encouragement to people very well. Encouragement is a spiritual gift, one that I fully accept I do not have. People who have the gift of encouragement are amazing, but I hope they realizing they are working my shift as well in that area. The point is, sometimes I worry that my inability to encourage is a personality turn-off to people. I feel like people who are gifted with encouragement are easily seen as a positive influence.
I want to be a good influence for people. I want to be someone that is seen as godly. If my goal is to glow, then I believe reflecting God is precisely how to do it. I am just a little lost with the whole concept of my influence and what people see on me. At church they called is "Swag." Perhaps one way to think of it is spiritually clothing. How can I dress in clothing that will reflect God and have a positive influence on others. I struggle with negativity. Though, most of the time my negativity and complaints are unwarranted, over exaggerated, and/or for show, I think sometimes they rub off on people in the wrong way. In an attempt to make light of a less than optimal situation, I cause people to feel less than optimal. Trying to always be positive is something that I do internally and not externally. I used to actually think of myself as mostly optimistic. I know too many people that would describe me as anything as an optimist. It is ok to be pessimistic sometimes, but I probably take that too far. Sarcasm is a vile thing when used too much, as is pessimism, and complaining.
When people think of me I don't think they think exactly what I want them to think. If I had to describe myself in one sentence from another persons perspective, it would probably be something like "Zach Haas is an often negative, weird person who complains about everything -- he's funny, but he hates everything" Yuck. I think that somewhere along the line I learned that negativity and complaining can be funny. Using a similar structure I think that I wanted people to think "Zach Haas is a pretty funny guy, he always has some ridiculous problem or story to talk about -- he makes me laugh with his weirdness." If I were to give these two sentences describing myself to my friends I think most would pick the second, but I can't help but think they really mean the first.
I believe God created humor. I believe God loves humor. To me, nothing in the world is as good as making someone laugh. Seeing someone smile and hearing them laugh because of me fills me up more than anything. I'd do anything for a laugh, which unfortunately leads to things occasionally going to far or not funny. Nothing is worse than trying to be funny and failing. Well, there is one thing worse, being funny one minute and offensive the next. Thats the worst. The bad things are what are kept and remembered most, the good is all too often forgotten. Is the influence I am leaving with people good or bad?
We are called to be like God and like Jesus. I don't know if it's just me, but this seems like a very vague idea. What exactly does it mean to be like Jesus? Does it mean walk around in robes, grow a beard, tell parables, heal people, and walk on water? I don't think so. I think that we are simply supposed to try and live blameless like Jesus. Then what is blameless? Not sinning. What is sin? Not following God's commands. What are God's commands? We want specifics, but God gave us a book of commands we break daily. How can we get more details when we fail to focus on what has been given to us in the first place.
I feel like I just got somewhere. In case you haven't figured it out, this post was more impromptu that normal. Most my posts are pretty impromptu, but this one was really just me thinking in writing format, kinda like a devotional "the tables open God" time. Anyway, perhaps you haven't been following the disorganization of this post, but thats ok. I think that I have come to some conclusion for myself.
Conclusion: I have been thinking and perhaps even worrying about my influence and "appearance" (appearance in the way that people see God reflecting from me, not trying to look good and show off to people) to others. I have also been trying to figure out if there is something that I have been doing wrong or something I could do differently. It has almost been bothering me and the more I hear it from places the more I think about it. Then it hit me while I was writing the paragraph about being like Jesus. My devotional life sucks right now. Beyond occasional focused prayer (I pray constantly throughout most days, but thats different and not special dedicated time to God), I haven't done much at all. To try and think of the last time I read the Bible just to read it, is too depressing. I do more Bible searching and studying than just time dedicated to God and reading. Why shouldn't I be worried about influence, my reflection, my "Swag", when I am not getting enough influence from God myself? It's all starting to make more sense to me now. I need to work on my devotional life. Period. And then see how things change.
My challenge for this post is to check yourself. How are you influencing people? How are you reflecting God? How is your devotional life? Perhaps you should make some changes to.
Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zach Haas
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