Scars – A Gift From God?

"Hey, yea, I got this one when I fell off my bike at age seven.  Oh, and this one I got at age 17 when I jumped off a bridge.  Pretty sweet huh?"

"Yea man, this scar from getting my appendix taken out is totally cool."

Even one from my own father, "Hey Zachary, check out the scar from my back surgery!" (This was pretty gross, and was not fun too look at by any means.)

For some reason it seems that scars always produce some kind of story.  Everyone has seen or heard of a man telling adventurous stories while pointing to a scar somewhere on their body.  They are used to brag, show off, sound impressive, or look tough.  Some guys even use scar stories to try and pick up girls.  Either way, these scars likely came from a painful or tragic experience.  The time they were received likely caused tremendous pain or worry.  It is likely that during the time the scar was formed, bragging and showing it off was the last thing on our minds.  All we could think of was the pain surrounding the incident.

Interestingly enough and more on topic with this post, scars are not always referred to as a physical blemish.  The phrase emotional scarring is all too common in our lives.  Most people have been through some kind of emotional trauma that they would refer to as a "scarring experience."  Some examples might be a divorce, public failure or embarrassment, or being emotionally, physically, mentally, etc., abused.

I am a proponent of individual life stories.  By this I mean we are all shaped differently through life.  We are all given a story to live by God.  With our input and influence, each chapter is given and written by Him.  He chooses when the story starts and ends, and guides us through the middle.  I personally believe that we actively help Him to write the middle of the story.  We make decisions that either please Him, or sadden Him.  Either way, God loves us, and it is always a love story.  This is where things get interesting, and I have recently (in the past few months) realized another way to see how God loves us, and let me tell you, it's a big one.

Before I get to God's love, I would like to revert back to the idea of scars.  As I mentioned before, I believe that we are all living and writing our life stories.  Every person has a different story; it's what gives us individuality.  However, we are all humans and will live similar parts of life.  Everything we do, every decision we make, every success and failure we acquire is written into our life story.  Some parts of our story very few people know, and very few will ever know.  Other parts of our stories, generally the best most glorifying, will be displayed for the world to see.

I want to take a look at those dark parts of our stories.  The "forgotten" chapters, or at least the ones we wish we could forget.  The chapters that were written about our worst times.  These are the ones we hide under our mattress or bury in the back yard and hope no one ever finds – or worse, asks about. For many of us these are the parts of our lives we are least proud of.  The parts that come to mind when asked the question: "If you could go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?"  These are our scars in our life story.  The funny thing about these scars is that they may be the most important parts of our lives.  These are the recurring nightmares, and the things that haunt us when we are at our worst.

What are your life story scars?  One big one for many people is abuse.  Sexual, physical, emotional, and other types of abuse scar people as easily as a sharp blade.  After running a quick search I found that about one out of three women in the world will be abused in some way in their lifetime.  Another source claimed that 46% of women are abused.  I would call this a scar in someone’s life.  What about some other bad decision or experience? How about a person who gets their heart broken after having sex with someone they thought they loved? A scar.  Or what about when your parents lose their job and have to move to some kind of low income family? A scar. Or when a child is taken away from their parents and put into foster care? A scar.  A scarring experience for one person may differ from that of another, but we all have scars.

 Not a very pleasant topic to talk or think about huh?  Scars are not always a source of pride or self-glorification.  They are instead a constant reminder of some failure or misfortune.  Funny thing about scars, they are permanent.  We can ask for forgiveness from friends and God, people can apologize, but scars cannot be removed.  We can even choose to ignore them, forget them, or cover them up.  Here is where things get fun.  I think we are actually called to use these scars to our advantage.  Scars also represent healing, or healed wounds.  Technically speaking scars are no longer harming us; they are things of the past.  At some point we can rise above the marks.  After we have risen we can help people with similar scars that are yet to make it to our level.  These scars are our stories that we can share with people in similar situations.

Furthermore, God actually shows his love through these scars.  God hurts with us when we accumulate these scars and wounds.  However, God also allowed us to get them.  This leads to the difficult question as to why God allowed these bad things to happen, not something that I am going to attempt to tackle right now.  Scars can even be from things that we have deliberately chosen or allowed to happened, even if we knew they were wrong.  Scars may be things that we ask and receive forgiveness for.  But God does not stop there.  God, in his infinite love and forgiveness can actually transform and use these very scars that caused so much pain.  We can rise up with God and share the things we have learned through the pain.  These are our stories, and they are personal to us.  Our scar stories may be exactly what other people need to hear to make it through what they are dealing with.  I think that only God can love us so much that He actually takes the very things we did that hurt Him to glorify Him.

I stop and think sometimes about some of the scars or mistakes in my life.  These things have shaped me into becoming who I am today.  Many things I could not have learned any other way.  I believe I could have lived a normal life serving God without the scars, but it is no longer possible – scars cannot be erased.  I have now learned that these scars can be used as incredible tools.  Talk about victory over sin!  Not only victory, but Love? Love through sin!?  Why would God take my sin and use it as a tool to bring people closer to Him?  I think, this is a large part of what unconditional love is.  I wonder if this is King David was referencing when he wrote:

Psalm 30:5
For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may stay for the night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.

So here is my challenge for readers this time.  Consider your past, the things you are least proud of.  What things have shaped you into the person you are? What scars do you carry that can actually be turned into a story? A story that will help others deal with the things you have dealt with.  How can God use the scars of your past to create joy in other people's future?

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zach Haas

Light Up the Sky. So I can Find You.

I really want to write a post about dating and my thoughts/experiences with the entire subject.  I want to because it has been an interesting topic surrounding me and the people I am closest to on campus.  However, when I started to write about it I did not feel spirit led at the time and decided to stop.  I do feel like writing something tonight, but I guess that was not the topic I was suppose to write about yet.  Something I will get to in the future I suppose.  So what should be the topic today?  Well, I once made a list, so I'll check that now.  Hm... I kind of want a shorter topic than anything on my list . . . Okay God now what.

Well, all I can think of right now is a song that I have been singing and listening to a lot lately.  I first heard it at God's House almost two weeks ago. It's called "Light up the Sky" by The Afters.  I posted the lyrics below:

When I’m feeling all alone and so far to go

The signs are nowhere on this road guiding me home

When the night is closing in
It’s falling on my skin
Oh God will You come close

Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me
I, I, I can’t deny
Oh I can’t deny that You are right here with me
You’ve opened my eyes so I can see You all around me
Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me

When stars are hiding in the clouds
I don’t feel them shining
When I can’t see beyond my doubt
The silver lining
When I’ve almost reached the end
Like a flood You’re rushing in
Love is rushing in

Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me
I, I, I can’t deny
Oh I can’t deny that You are right here with me
You’ve opened my eyes so I can see You all around me
Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me

So I run straight to Your arms
You’re the bright and morning Sun
To show Your love, there’s nothing You won’t do

Light, light, light up the sky
You light up the sky to show me You are with me
I, I, I can’t deny
Oh I can’t deny that You are right here with me
You’ve opened my eyes so I can see You all around me
Light, light, light up the sky
Light up the sky to show me You are with me
 

When I first hear this song I really liked it.  I mean really, who hasn't felt like they were completely lost?  This semester has especially been difficult on me.  I am approaching an intersection with an infinite number of junctions in my life.  My choices will dramatically shape the rest of my life.  I could certainly use a light to show me the way.  Amidst all my future decisions there is my current life that I have to deal with.  There is stress from every angle and relationships to deal with.  This is potentially the last time that I will be around so many people so often.  Then of course there is homework and one of my worst class schedules ever.  I miss my 3 night classes a week semester.  Sometimes we really just want to call out to God and say "God, please just light up the sky, let me see you for just a moment.  I know that I cannot deny your presence and you love, but I could really use a sign.  I could really use a God hug right now."  It is a really cool feeling when God allows us to see him a little bit brighter for just a moment.  No other feeling like it.  Actually, (though this is sort of off topic and unrelated) I kind of believe in a God "high," exactly like how drugs work.  At least in my life I have experienced states of near euphoria (probably actually euphoria) from being in close proximity with God.  I really like the idea of not being able to see past our doubt.  I don't think that we are actually doubting God or his power in these cases, we just get so hung up on ourselves and our own problems that we block our own vision.  We never doubt that God is there and that he's with us perhaps, but we can't see him because we don't really want to and would rather be self-pitying.  Of course, it is somewhere in there that we realize how dumb we are being and God can consume us like a flood.  Cue flooding eyes.  I also really like the idea of running to God.  When I am feeling really really stressed sometimes I actually want to just run away.  Run away and find God and just let Him catch me -- kind of like in the movies when a girl runs to a guy.  Maybe I am extra sensitive to the idea of runnign because I used to be a runner, but I think it's more the idea of running away from my problems and finding God.  I have rarely actually physically ran.  However, I have done a mental equivalent frequently enough.  I have actually imagined myself running through a jungle seeking Jesus.  It's like He's on the other side calling out my name.  With every step I get closer and closer.  I throw branches and vines out of my way getting closer.  Then finally I break through the trees and see Him standing there smiling with wide open arms.  This is one of my favorite things to day dream about when I am stressed.  That is when I see that God is right there with me, and I am with Him.  It's quite the rush.

My challenge now is to just stop and think.  Where is God for you?  Is it walking on a beach holding His hand like in the footprints posters?  Is it in the passengers seat on a long drive through the country?  Is it on top of a mountain after a long hike?  Either way, stop and think about fighting through your struggles, problems, and worries to get to Jesus.  He is right there waiting on the other side.  You just have to make it to Him and then let Him take them all away.  Throw your arms around Him and whisper "I love you."  To which He will embrace you full force and reply,"I have always loved you, I made you perfectly, I will always love you, and I will never leave you."

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,

-Zach Haas

What is the Hardest Thing to Give to God? -- Investments

This post is one that I have only recently thought about and considered writing.  It kind of came to me suddenly.  This semester has consisted of me having to give a number of things to God.  Many of you may even think you know what "investment" I may be thinking of for this post.  However, you are only partially right I am sure.  We all have our secret investments, our secret sins, our private life that no one but God knows about.  For some people these little investments might be alcohol, drugs, pornography, overeating, or even religion.  I am thus defining an "investment" as anything that we place a lot of time and effort into.  You can think of it economically if you want.  When you make an investment you are often putting a lot of money into something.  Overtime this money accumulates and increases.  The more time and money you put into the bigger and more important the investment is.  This works the same with our secret sins.

I plan to be very blunt, truthful, and open with this post (well to most extents I think).  I am not sure what I am getting into, but I do know that I have recently thought of another life philosophy -- what may be over my head is never over God's head.  My sudden reason for writing this blog is because I have recently given an entire investment over to God.  I know many people who would think I am referring to relationships.  To some extent these people would be right, but this has not been my only investment in my life.  I do not feel the need to share my investment that I gave to God and thus will not.

There is something peculiar about giving investments to God.  I think this is why they are the hardest thing to give to God.  People give things to God all the time.  Sometimes we give life decisions, sometimes we give money, time, or service, sometimes we give small habits or things that are beyond our control to God.  While these things may very well be difficult to give fully to God, I still don't think they are as difficult to hand over.  Investments are things that we hold very close to our very soul.  If we investing ourselves in worldly things, there is no room to fully invest in Jesus.  This is a huge problem, as nothing should consume us more than the spirit of God.  Yet, I think that many people in the world cling to these investments nearly as much as they cling to life itself.  Investments are something we have given significant portions of our lives to.  They are obsessions; they are addictions.  Getting the picture yet?  Investments are nearly impossible to give to God.  Why?  Because giving investments equate to literally giving ourselves to God.  Think about it this way.  What would it take to give away your entire life's savings that you have been saving up for thirty years.  You have worked hard to save up and have spent considerable amounts of time finding ways to increase your investment.  Your hard work has paid off and you have a substantial investment that only continues to grow.  Heres the thing with sinful investments -- they never ever decline.  I would go so far as to say that they cannot decline.  Perhaps for a time we can ignore our sinful investments and they will remain stagnant, but I don't think they will ever shrink unless we fully give them to God and tell Him our life is completely His.  Let me explain a few ways that I have personally failed to give investments to God.

First, I have tried to bargain with God.  I'll call this the negative interest or declining balance approach to giving investments.  This view makes it seem like you are trying to pay off a debt to God by slowly getting closer to nothing.  Here's the problem, even if we ever managed to get this investment down to zero, the account is still open.  We then refill it and even sometimes fill it more than before.  I told God something along the lines of "Okay God, I know you want this, and I know you want all of this, but I am not ready to give it to you fully.  So here's the deal, I will give you a little bit here and there until it is gone."  Anyone else think this is a totally daft idea?  Before you judge me, consider yourself if you have ever made such notions with God.  Have you ever tried to give a little bit to God thinking that something is better than nothing?  Here's the thing, if all sins are equal in God's eyes, then giving Him a little is not what he wants.  This would be like giving a starving child nothing but water.  The child will still die from lack of food.  At first it looks like we are helping the child, but in reality we are doing him no good.  The other problem I have found with giving God a little bit at a time is interest.  I found that the more I tried to give God little bits the faster my interest in my investment increased.  Clearly giving God a little bit at a time hoping to reach the end is not going to work.  It also does not work to just say okay, I have what I have and when that is gone then no more.  Have you ever seen a smoker say this is my last pack of cigarettes ever, and then buy more anyway?  It's the same idea.

Second, I have tried ignoring the investment.  It's kind of like trying to bury something and then try to forget where you buried it.  You know that it's still there, and you know exactly where you buried it.  I'll call this the out of sight out of mind approach to giving investments.  This actually proved to be a pretty effective method -- at first.  It's easy to give something up for a little while.  All you have to do is remain in constant proximity to God and keep ignoring the overturned soil in the back yard.  This method would work fine perhaps if the investment actually wasn't gone.  In fact, you really just have a full account opened without interest gain.  It is true that your investment isn't getting any worse, but it isn't getting any better either.  Eventually like a dog looking for a bone I dug up my old investments.  I wasn't able to ignore it forever.  This also doesn't seem to work as a method for investment elimination.

The third and final method I have tried is just throwing the investment away.  This is the concept of just quitting right away and getting rid of everything at once.  I'll call this the cold turkey approach to giving investments.  We have all heard storied of how people tried quitting an addiction cold turkey, but failed after a disappointingly short amount of time.  This works the same for sinful investments.  The problem with this approach is similar to the declining balance approach.  I emptied the account, but the account was still open.  Throwing everything away at once brings immediate satisfaction.  We feel like a success and we feel like we have won a victory for God over Satan.  However, Satan doesn't quit.  He knows the account is still open, and he knows that we know how to refill the emptied investment.  A smoker who flushes all their cigarettes down the toilet still knows how to go to the store and buy more.  This approach has only best motives at heart, but sometimes it is just very hard to quit cold turkey.

I am now left with the method that actually works to give God investments.  I'll call it the noway approach to giving investments.  Wait . . . the "noway" approach?  Does that mean there is no way to give God investments?  Well, I know that cannot be the truth, but I really have not found a way to completely give God the investments we have created.  The biggest problem is I cannot find a method to close the account.  Any way I look at it I cannot force myself to keep the balance at zero, hide the account permanently, or forget how to refill it.  So what, is everything hopeless?  No.  Are we doomed to suffer with out addictions forever?  Well, to some extent I believe the answer is yes.  After we allow an addiction into our lives there is some kind permanent hole drilled into us.  We can try to repair the hole or cover it up, but it is forever going to be weaker.  The only thing that can permanently change these self inflicted holes is by God.  However, God does not always just fix our holes.  God doesn't eliminate our sinful nature and our sinful desires as long as we live on this earth.  All we can do is humble ourselves before God, give Him the investment we have been holding onto, and then trust Him to give us strength to carry on.  Obviously God understands our slip ups and backsliding.  He knows that He didn't make us perfect.  However, our imperfection is not an excuse to give up on moving forward.

At this point you might be asking yourself the question "how can I say I gave God my 'investment' if I don't have a successful method of doing that"?  Well, the answer is that I am going to try.  I think my approach now is a combination of method two, three, and four.  Is this approach really any different than the ones I have used in the past? Not really.  Insanity has been defined as doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.  However, I don't think that this definition works with God.  God will not be defined by any human definitions.  People are constantly praying to God for the same things expecting different results, and guess what, God does give different results.  Now, obviously there are some things that I will try to do differently with this attempt to give up my investment, but I cannot think of anything substantial.  For some people accountability groups, support groups, and groups of people dealing with similar investments might provide help.  I cannot close my account after making an investment, but God can.  As a matter of fact, God is the only one who can close the account, and even then I don't know that he would ever make you forget the account existed.

Interestingly enough, the idea of God changing our perspective on the situation (investment) might be a great approach.  I remember a few semesters ago sitting in a special chapel (summit) given Dave Ward. (it was 9/10/08 if you are interested in looking it up.)  Yes, I did just spend 30 minutes finding the part of the sermon to make sure.  I also think I probably should have listened to the whole message before writing this.  One of the messages he gave he talked about a major pornography addiction that he had.  At one point he mentioned that he was traveling to an adult bookstore praying to God about how he didn't want to do it.  He got to the bookstore and heard a worship song there on the secular radio.  He said the books seemed to fade away and become unappealing.  On his drive back home God gave him such a distaste for pornography that he ended up throwing up so bad he had to pull over and continue to empty his system.  Dave Ward explained that God wants everyone to be sanctified.  For Dave, God gave him a complete change of attitude toward his addiction and investment.  At that point Dave was cured.  I believe that God has the power to change our perspectives and attitudes.  This is the way to eliminate and give our investments to God.  We need to be repulsed of our sinful acts and give them entirely to God.

I feel that I still have not adequately explained what an investment is or the power that they hold.  The best I can explain an investment is by comparing it to a tumor.  Not just any tumor, but a tumor that is guaranteed to cause more immediate pain removing it than keeping it.  We know that in the long run removal is going to be better for us, but we are too afraid of the initial pain of letting it go.  Instead we let the tumor grow, perhaps even out of control.  Eventually we are completely driven by fear and we are actually feeding the tumor.  Perhaps the tumor even begins to infect other parts of our bodies.  God wants to take away this tumor from us, but he wants us to give it to Him.  In some cases God may make the initiative and take the tumors away from us, but often He waits for us to call on Him.  However, unlike a tumor, an investment actually gives us some kind of pleasure or satisfaction.  We know that we can never obtain true satisfaction from God as long as we have this investment, but giving it away just seems too painful.  We are afraid of letting go of our commitment.  Perhaps we have spent so much time on this investment it doesn't seem worth it to give it all away.  We instead tell God that He has to work around it.  We expect that we can live life, and live it to the full doing our thing and God's.  This is obviously not true, but we as humans often miss the obvious or completely reject the obvious.  I know that I cannot be the only person that has ever struggled with a long term investment.  God calls everyone to give their investments, addictions, and habits to Him.  I hate the idea of wasting time.  I am a big video game lover.  To me, giving up an investment is like erasing a game that I have had 80 hours invested into. (My brother has done this to me at least once)  You feel like you have completely lost 80 hours of your life.  If I want to get that far again I have to dedicate another 80 hours doing something I have already done.  perhaps 80 hours is a bit exaggerated for a video game . . . but I don't believe it is an exaggeration for a sinful investment.  This is exactly why it hurts so much and why it is so hard to give up investments.

I know this post is really long.  What else is new.  Besides, I recently wrote some advice to a thirteen year old that was longer.  I just feel that this issue is more important and bigger than most people realize.  Perhaps many people don't even realize they are making an investment against God.  These things are worldly, life consuming, dedications to The Enemy.  We must invest in the only true investment worth making -- the investment in the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

My challenge this time is an obvious one.  Check your life.  What investments against God have you been making?  What addictions are you feeding and consuming your life with?  What do you spend hours on that doesn't glorify God?  Give them to God, and give them in the full.  Rid yourself of these secret sins and give them God.  God can purify us; God can purge us.  Only then can we truly invest fully in the Kingdom of God.  I think I will pray for repulsion against my investments, how about you?

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zach Haas

Oh how He loves us

Over break I decided that I would try to read some C.S. Lewis.  This decision was likely based on the fact that I go to IWU and have read very little of his works.  Another factor is that many of my friends have been reading Lewis over the past few years including my roommate.  I borrowed both The Great Divorce and The Screwtape Letters from my housemate and brought them home for Christmas.  I also plan on listening to Mere Christianity on my way back to school via audio book.

The first book I read was The Great Divorce.  I know many of my friends would be shocked to hear this, but I really was not a fan of the book.  I understand that it was supposed to be a work of fiction for the most part and strictly to be viewed as a theory without ground.  Even with this disclaimer I disliked the books overall intention.  I find the book to be mostly misleading especially to Christians who are young in their faith.  There were parts towards the end of the book that I enjoyed, and as a story it was good.  However, coming from the prestigiousness that Lewis holds, seeing it as just a story is a bit hard.  I was not a fan of the theology portrayed and saw it as misleading unrealistic fantasy at best.  After finishing this book I was worried that I was going to dislike Lewis the more I read.  The only experience I have had previously was reading the Chronicles of Narnia (which I enjoyed to my remembrance) when I was very young.

However, I was pleasantly surprised when I started reading Screwtape Letters.  After only reading the first few chapters (or letters) I was already a much bigger fan.  It wasn't far into the book that I found the first passage that inspired this blog post.

"He wants them to learn to walk and therefore must take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles." -End of letter 8

As soon as I read this I couldn't help but choke up and whisper a thank you.  I realized a lot about the love of God that I had never thought about before.  Of course we can never hope to be perfect, we can never hope to come close.  However, God does not require us to be perfect -- we only need to desire and to try to work towards it.  Like a toddler learning to walk, we let go of our parents hands destined to fall.  Sometimes we try to pick ourselves up and continue.  Sometimes we walk across a room only to smack our head against a wall or wall backwards onto the floor.  We desire to run!  But we can hardly muster a crawl.  God looks at this desire and crawl as if its the real thing!  How wonderful this is.  I also think that like a parent God never leaves our side (He is known as God the father after all).  He will hold our hand and allow us to walk arm in arm when we need.

The book takes on the perspective of an older demon teaching a younger demon.  After telling the younger demon that God only wants the desire and attempt from humans, the older demon further explains:

"Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which ever trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys." 

This is another cool thing to think about.  Even demons know that we are never closer to God than when we follow Him blindly.  The times when we feel abandoned are the times that God (and demons‽) is watching us closely.  Nothing delights Him more than when we choose to try and follow His will when all seems lost and hopeless.  Perhaps there is a lot of power behind "Sigh, I don't know why I bother but I'm 'following' God's will I guess."  Could the attitude be better? Yes.  But could the action be better?  Perhaps not.  The next time I feel that I am going through a dry spell, I will think of this principle.

I look forward to finishing this book.  The perspective is different than most Christian books I've read, but I think this actually helps to clarify things.  This book causes me to think Lewis is a genius.  I can't imagine what inspired him to attempt such a task as Screwtape Letters, but I believe thus far he was brilliant in his attempt.  I guess this shows that you shouldn't judge an author by one book. 

My challenge this time is to consider how following God during times of serious doubt are really the times of greatest significance and love.  Perhaps a way to think about it would be when we obey our parents when they don't know we are.  Or when we remain true to a loved one when theres no chance of them finding our.  These things are more about trust, but so is choosing to desire and try God when God seems no where to be found.  I hope you see the significance in the point I am trying to make.


Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ, 
-Zach Haas 

Who is God to Me: Part 2 -- God as a lover

RELATED POST: Who is God to ME?

If you look back at one of my earlier posts you will notice that I asked myself the question "Who is God to me?"  I then went on to discuss some of the characters that make up God and how they relate to me.  Recently, in a conversation with nearly a complete stranger, an interesting concept was brought up.  She mentioned the idea of God as a lover.  This isn't the first time I have thought of something like this, but never thought of it as that word.  To be completely honest, when she first mentioned it I was caught off guard.  God? A lover?  The thought at first was awkward, but I quickly remembered the Bible.  The Bible mentions numerous places that the church is the bride of Christ (among similar notions).  For a reference to such places check out this website: http://www.jimfeeney.org/brideofchrist.html.

The first thing that made me think of the concept of God as a lover was something I heard in class or chapel.  I thought about people and facebook, and how these things could relate to God.  One of the first things I think of when I think of facebook is addiction and obsession.  However, though it is a bit awkward, I then thought of facebook stalking.  I feel if we were all honest with each other we would admit to a bit of facebook stalking at one point or another.  Think about it, who hasn't spent time looking at a guy or girls page for no reason other than they thought they liked them?  Have you ever been dating someone and then checked everything they did on facebook?  Not in a creepy or possessive way, but in a curious, cute, wanting to know them as best as possible kind of way?  Do you see where I am going?

I think if Jesus had a facebook he would want us to stalk him.  He wants us to dig into everything we can about him.  Is it a bad idea to know how Jesus is working in our friends lives, or even strangers lives?  Shouldn't we seek to know him better in every single way?  Would it really be that bad to stalk Jesus if we define stalking to be pursuing closely, following intently, desiring to know everything about, and/or obsessing over?  I think that we should.  Some people take facebook stalking to an unhealthy level of obsession and I am obviously not recommending this or encouraging it.  However, people sometimes think they love someone and then become obsessed with this "love" and unhealthily become stalkers.  Stalking a person out of love will only bring an insatiable desire for more.  However, "stalking" Jesus should only satisfy and cause a healthy hunger for more.  I know that the use of the term stalking is often negative, but I hope that you are seeing the conclusion that I am trying to make.  It makes perfects sense to me, but trying to get others to see conclusions that I have discovered is something I sometimes struggle with.

The point being, we should pursue God with the same (or more) vigilance that we do other things in our lives.  We spend every waking minute pursuing things that we love.  Some examples of things people love are: research, books, video games, music, movies, relationships, and adventure.  When we love something we have an unquenchable desire for more.  However, the problem I see is that we love things other than God.  We place God lower in our list of desires.  People who stalk people on facebook want to learn and know everything they can about a particular person.  If stalking Jesus means wanting to learn and know everything about Him, I see this as nothing but positive and wholesome.  (Ok, I realize that we need to do something with the things we learn from "stalking" Jesus, but thats a different topic, and one must start a craving Jesus first)

Hopefully you have followed me thus far with little to no confusion in the end.

Anyway, I realize that I have never been married or had a lover.  However, I have dated, and in some perhaps minuscule way this is a taste of what a lover would be.  I know that when you really like someone (at least you think) you want to spend as much time with them as possible.  Your desire to be with them becomes your greatest desire.  This is what it would be like to have Jesus/God as a lover.  God IS with us every single moment, but we are not always with Him.  Seeing God as a lover kind of puts a light into many situations.  As a matter of fact, until God is accept and seen as a lover, I am not sure humans have any right to get married.  How can we expect to be a good lover with another human if we are incapable of being a lover with the perfect Almighty?  After all, God created love, God is love, and only through Him can we ever hope to truly love.  After seeing that God is the perfect lover, and that we can be his lover, should we consider attempting to be a lover with someone else.

Another interesting thing I found was from the book Desire, by John Eldredge.  I have yet to read the book but found this from someone's facebook status a week ago. (thanks!)

"God creates mankind for intimacy with himself, as his beloved. We see it right at the start, when he gives us the highest freedom of all-the freedom to reject him. The reason is obvious: love is possible only when it is freely chosen. True love is never constrained; our hearts cannot be taken by force. So God sets out to woo his beloved..." 

Wow.  I think that basically summed it up for me when I first saw that.  After having thought about God being a lover over break, my realizations with facebook stalking, and then this status I knew that God as a lover was a great way to view Him.  This is just one more way that we can view the entire person of God.  For me, God as a lover is a challenging thing because like any relationship it is a commitment.  A commitment with God goes beyond a lifetime commitment, its eternal.  How much more important is this commitment than any one I could make with a human under the title "lover"?

1 John 4:19 says "We love because he first loved us."  My challenge this time is to consider this: God is already committed to me as being a lover, have I accepted this; do I desire to be God's lover and have Him be mine?  Personally, I choose yes, no matter the consequence, no matter the commitment, and no matter the sacrifice.  This simply means that I have to submit to God and accept Him as all His other persons as well.

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
Zach Haas

God Give Me. . . (Dear God 3)

Dear God,

Give me the strength to be what you need me to be.  Empower me beyond what I know is possible.  Grant me the words to speak, the letters to write, and the wisdom to do it in truth.  Help me to become what you want me to be.  Give me Jesus.  Make me like Jesus.  Help me to love, share, care, and serve like Jesus.  God help my friends to do the same.  Help me to influence those around me to become genuine, by making me genuine.  Give me the ability to live like Christians are supposed to.  Bless me with an ability to love beyond what I am capable of.  Genuineness  is what I need God.  Nothing I ever do will matter, not I ever do will stick, and nothing I ever do will sink if if I lack this trait.  Help me to live out every action of my life for you with integrity, without judging, without preference and without prejudice.  Give me a heart that only you can bestow.  Create in me a person that I could never hope to create myself.  Make me you, God.  Make me Jesus.  Here I am, Lord, prepare me, feed me, build me, strengthen me, impassion me, use me, send me.  Father, I need you, before I can ever truly be me.

Your son,
Zachary

It's Everywhere Lately

So during the past few weeks or less I have been coming across a similar concept.  It's an interesting concept that has been following me around lately.  It has come in different words and forms, but the best word I can use to describe it is 'influence.'  I actually talked about this a little bit in a recent post. Due to the amount of times this has recently come up in my life I have decided to write about it.

Right now the word influence has been coming to me in the form of a challenge.  The places I have found the concept are: church, chapel, class, a book I read for a class, and maybe from a professor.  Each place may have talked about it differently but the idea was still the same -- how am I influence other people, and what are they seeing in me?  How am I reflecting God?

This concept has really be challenging my character and my thoughts.  I am not really sure what to do about it.  For the most part I am a pretty strange, and ridiculous guy.  I probably influence people to be stranger and more ridiculous when they are with me.  Am I reflecting that God is strange and ridiculous?  I hope that this absurdly not so.  I haven't felt guilty or convicted in anything that I am doing to influence people, but I wonder if something is missing.

One of the things that I really envy in some people is their ability to encourage.  I am a terrible encourager.  You have got to be really needing encouragement if you are coming to me.  I can lift your spirits and help you fell better, but I am not likely going to encourage or congratulate you.  My personality just doesn't give praise and encouragement to people very well.  Encouragement is a spiritual gift, one that I fully accept I do not have.  People who have the gift of encouragement are amazing, but I hope they realizing they are working my shift as well in that area.  The point is, sometimes I worry that my inability to encourage is a personality turn-off to people.  I feel like people who are gifted with encouragement are easily seen as a positive influence.

I want to be a good influence for people.  I want to be someone that is seen as godly.  If my goal is to glow, then I believe reflecting God is precisely how to do it.  I am just a little lost with the whole concept of my influence and what people see on me.  At church they called is "Swag."  Perhaps one way to think of it is spiritually clothing.  How can I dress in clothing that will reflect God and have a positive influence on others.  I struggle with negativity.  Though, most of the time my negativity and complaints are unwarranted, over exaggerated, and/or for show, I think sometimes they rub off on people in the wrong way.  In an attempt to make light of a less than optimal situation, I cause people to feel less than optimal.  Trying to always be positive is something that I do internally and not externally.  I used to actually think of myself as mostly optimistic.  I know too many people that would describe me as anything as an optimist.  It is ok to be pessimistic sometimes, but I probably take that too far.  Sarcasm is a vile thing when used too much, as is pessimism, and complaining.

When people think of me I don't think they think exactly what I want them to think.  If I had to describe myself in one sentence from another persons perspective, it would probably be something like "Zach Haas is an often negative, weird person who complains about everything -- he's funny, but he hates everything"  Yuck.  I think that somewhere along the line I learned that negativity and complaining can be funny.  Using a similar structure I think that I wanted people to think "Zach Haas is a pretty funny guy, he always has some ridiculous problem or story to talk about -- he makes me laugh with his weirdness."  If I were to give these two sentences describing myself to my friends I think most would pick the second, but I can't help but think they really mean the first.

I believe God created humor.  I believe God loves humor.  To me, nothing in the world is as good as making someone laugh.  Seeing someone smile and hearing them laugh because of me fills me up more than anything.  I'd do anything for a laugh, which unfortunately leads to things occasionally going to far or not funny.  Nothing is worse than trying to be funny and failing.  Well, there is one thing worse, being funny one minute and offensive the next.  Thats the worst.  The bad things are what are kept and remembered most, the good is all too often forgotten.  Is the influence I am leaving with people good or bad?

We are called to be like God and like Jesus.  I don't know if it's just me, but this seems like a very vague idea.  What exactly does it mean to be like Jesus?  Does it mean walk around in robes, grow a beard, tell parables, heal people, and walk on water?  I don't think so.  I think that we are simply supposed to try and live blameless like Jesus.  Then what is blameless?  Not sinning.  What is sin?  Not following God's commands. What are God's commands?  We want specifics, but God gave us a book of commands we break daily.  How can we get more details when we fail to focus on what has been given to us in the first place.

I feel like I just got somewhere.  In case you haven't figured it out, this post was more impromptu that normal.  Most my posts are pretty impromptu, but this one was really just me thinking in writing format, kinda like a devotional "the tables open God" time.  Anyway, perhaps you haven't been following the disorganization of this post, but thats ok.  I think that I have come to some conclusion for myself.

Conclusion:  I have been thinking and perhaps even worrying about my influence and "appearance" (appearance in the way that people see God reflecting from me, not trying to look good and show off to people) to others.  I have also been trying to figure out if there is something that I have been doing wrong or something I could do differently.  It has almost been bothering me and the more I hear it from places the more I think about it.  Then it hit me while I was writing the paragraph about being like Jesus.  My devotional life sucks right now.  Beyond occasional focused prayer (I pray constantly throughout most days, but thats different and not special dedicated time to God), I haven't done much at all.  To try and think of the last time I read the Bible just to read it, is too depressing.  I do more Bible searching and studying than just time dedicated to God and reading.  Why shouldn't I be worried about influence, my reflection, my "Swag", when I am not getting enough influence from God myself?  It's all starting to make more sense to me now.  I need to work on my devotional life.  Period. And then see how things change.

My challenge for this post is to check yourself.  How are you influencing people?  How are you reflecting God?  How is your devotional life?  Perhaps you should make some changes to.

Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zach Haas