God and Eighth Graders

So the yesterday I was called in to be a substitute for the third time.  This was perhaps the most interesting of the times.  It's kinda surprising that I only got called in three ties considering I was planning on being called in closer to 50, which would have been a lot more money.  Oh well, I have at least made more money than I have spent in the teaching field.  I had to spend 50$ to get my fingerprints done and 40$ in nice substitute pants.  Now, the pants you might not consider that much of an expense, but it was 20$ for each pair.  I hate spending money on all pieces of clothing and will generally not spend more than 10-ish dollars for a pair of pants.  The only piece of clothing I spend money on is shoes, because I see the practicality in pricier shoes with a purpose.  Walmart 10$ shoes just don't make the cut.

Anyway, I went to go substitute as a middle school (boys) gym teacher.  The girls were there too, but fortunately they had their own gym teacher that I worked side by side with the whole day.  Having this dear woman was a blessing even if she was a bit intimidating.  Female gym teachers are tough!  I had to teach one class of each, 5th through 8th grade.  To make matters worse, there are only 2 weeks or less of school left for middle schoolers. I want to focus this tale primarily on the eighth graders, however, each of the gym classes were huge in comparison to the 20 or less gym classes I was in in high school.  These four classes ranged from about 50 students to 70, in a gym smaller than my high school and middle school gym.  My job was made slightly easier because the kids had to take a final.  Yes I know, a final in gym? Such a cruel world.  But let's just say this final was a joke.  Should have been simple for a 5th grader even and they all had the same test.  Here are a few of the harder questions: how many players are on a ____ team? (soccer, football, field hockey, volleyball),  what comes next, bump set _____? and Hut, hut, hut, set, HIKE, are examples of what?  Off the top of my head I couldn't think of what the last one was, but it was cadence.  Then, to make the test even easier, there was a word bank.  The test was 20% of the gym grade.

Anyway, if you remember 8th grade you might remember yourself or your peers.  Let's just say, there was nothing discrete about any of them.  You could give me at least a paragraph description of each of them after about 3 seconds of looking at one. (Well, at least the boys)  They all dress exactly like their personality, and they are all dressing in a way that they think would be cool.  A few of the guys were dressed tough; tight under armor, blond spiked hair, bulging pectoral and bicep muscles were common.  Anyway, these kids were nuts.  And the craziness was caused/inspired but us, the teachers.  After the test the kids had about 30 minutes left to play a game.  What game would you love if you were a tough guy show off?  Well I'll give you a hint, and it's not hot potato or hopscotch -- it's flying balls of doom.  That's right, we tell them to make even teams and we give them a bunch of balls to hit each other with.  Sounds like dodgeball right? That's not so bad.  Well, in dodgeball, you generally sit out or go to the other side or something when you get hit.  Well, not in super intense 8th grade dodgeball you don't.  Instead, you just keep grabbing balls and launching them at kids on the other side as hard as you can regardless of how many times you get hit.  Imagine about 15 balls and 6 kids doing this-- including girls, though they were general more chatty targets than anything else.  Oh, I forgot to mention that Mrs. Tough had left me alone to start this "healthy" massacre, but I knew she was coming back.  So when she came back I tried to pretend that they were playing normal dodgeball so that she wouldn't kill me for having no control over these kids.  However, when she came she did quite the opposite.  She just kinda laughs a little bit and says "Yea, let's let them burn energy for a little while." At this point I thought Mrs. Tough was really Mrs. Insane.  I could see a fight breaking out any minute (which it didn't) because of the lack of rules and continual beatings taken by balls to the face.  Instead she just kinda watched and let them have at it.  Apparently this wasn't that uncommon but I was slightly terrified to say the least.  In the end, she told them they burned enough energy and told them to get basketballs and play basketball.  Hm, I don't know about you but I just say kids killing each other with soft foam balls, so she suggest that they get basketballs?  Yup, in less than 2 minutes there was 20+ basketballs flying around the room, thankfully, generally, at basketball hoops, but it was still probably quite dangerous.  Miraculously no one was hurt and I was left awestruck at all that just happened.  And apparently, this is how this gym class was supposed to work -- Crazy.

So, how can I apply this to the Bible?  Well, it would be tough without a zany nearly heretical connection from Zach.  The way I see it God is the gym teachers and we are the 8th graders.  God has made rules for our lives that sometimes we bend.  To a point, God is sometimes okay with our rules, though likely looking with a skeptical eye.  He does not want us to get hurt, but he wants us to be able to figure things out and learn on our own.  Sometimes, I think God just steps back and let's us live crazy lives in order for us to "burn energy."  God, like the gym teachers, were never out of control though it would have appeared like it.  All it takes is one word, or one message during church or something to set things straight.  Just like with the 8th graders, despite their apparent lack of control, all it took was a few words from the teacher and they stopped and changed what they were doing.  It's kind of cool to know that God has that kind of control over our lives at any given time, no matter how crazy things seem.

Your friend, brother and companion in Christ,
-Zachary Haas