The Reason

All right everyone here is my first post.  To start off I feel like I owe everyone an explanation.  No, I am not going on some kind of trip or journey, at least not really.  No I am not working someplace special or on some internship or anything like that.  As a matter of fact I am not doing anything out of the ordinary, or at least anything that shouldn't be out of the ordinary.  In reality I am only going to start to do more adamantly what we all should be doing anyway. There are a number of reasons for my starting a blog.

First of all, I feel that I am led to share this with you.  I do not know where this is going to go or what is going to happen.  I pray that I do keep up with this blogging and that I am able to become a better person in the end because of it.  I hope that my blogging is found as enlightening and encouraging.  I also hope that you are able to learn something and perhaps better yourself from my work and discovery.

Secondly I want to be able to show everyone that there is a much deeper and serious side of me that many people don't know about, and perhaps even the people that are away of my deeper side are still not aware of how deep it runs and what it is. I fully enjoy being ridiculous and crazy, especially when I am able to use these  attitudes to brighten someone else's day or give them a little laugh. I LOVE making people laugh even if it is laughing at how ridiculous I am.  However, occasionally, my occasional cynicism, ridiculousness, negativity, complaints, "close-mindedness" (I am not close minded, at least I don't think so, but even if I agree with you I like to try and go on the other side to either make a point or to reaffirm our mutual beliefs. I am often open to other beliefs and values as long as they do no conflict with my core, hopefully biblically based beliefs),  absurdness and sometimes even borderline heresies cause people to see me in a particular light.  I do not want the aforementioned attitudes to push people away from me and cause them to think "Yea, Zach is a pretty funny guy, but he is never serious and he needs to grow up," or "Yea I love eating with Zach he makes me laugh so much every meal, but I don't think I could ever have a serious conversation with him or get some serious Godly-like help from him."  Through this blog I want to be able to show everyone that there is much more to me than what you see every meal at Baldwin, or what you see every night in the townhouse.  I may be a crazy guy who is out to have fun and brighten your day, but I also want to be able to brighten your soul and inner person beyond making you feel temporary joy.  This second goal is perhaps one of the most important ones.  I plan to make this blog open and honest.  However, do not let goal #2 scare you into not reading my blog, I still plan to try and be witty and humorous when appropriate, but this is not the underlying intention of this blog and a sense of serious will likely be seen more.  I hope that you still enjoy it all the same.

Thirdly, I want to be able to use this blog as an accountability tool.  I want to be able to post near daily.  The intention of this is to try and force me into a spiritual routine.  This consists of reading the Bible each day and not only reading it, but studying it and meditating on it. (Yes, I have recently learned that there is quite a difference in these three things)  MY spiritual growth is the real purpose behind this. I want to be able to grow spiritually and closer to God than I ever have been, and I am going to believe that the concept of "perfectly-close" to God is not actually attainable and will require my entire life taking steps closer and closer.  Its like forever cutting the distance between us in half.  It will never actually be zero but it will hopefully become quite close. (1, .5, .25, .125, .0625... ect if you need to see that analogy in numbers)  However, I also know that growing closer to God means fellowship, and I need other people to see that there is a level to me that most people do not see.  A more intimate side so to speak.  I also believe that as part of growing to be a man of God we are to take care of our bodies and be everything that we can be.  So I have also devised a workout plan for myself to hopefully follow each morning.  For those of you who know me well enough, I hate working out.  However, I have developed a plan that requires no machines and works completely on your own body weight.  So we will see how that goes.

Fourthly I have been thinking of doing this for a long time, and to a very mild extent I have before.  It helps that a number of my close friends have recently started a blog.  I had originally just been planning on using facebook to write things, but I think this will work better.  There has been a part of me that wanted to express things and say things to people.  In particular the other people I want to say things to are other Christians, especially my Christian peers.  I desire the thoughts, inputs, and open hearts and minds of all you readers.  I desire to be able to teach you a thing or two and show you things that I have found in my life.  I want to encourage you and offer myself to you.  I want to allow people to see that I can be more than the guy who makes you laugh at meals.  I can be that guy, and I love being that guy, but I really want people to know that there is more that I can offer if you want.  As mentioned before, I don't want to be looked at as completely immature and unreasonable.  Believe it or not, I can be very calm, reasonable, and down to earth; I generally just save these times for more intimate situations.  I do ask that you do not see my starting a blog as conforming to other people.  There is no underlying reason for this, there is no motive beyond seeking God and allowing others to see and seek God with me and through me.  It is merely coincidence that caused inspiration that a few of my friends have started a blog.

Fifthly, and this is more obviously considering the length of this entry, I honestly love to write.  Again, do not think this has anything to do with someone that is very dear to me because it is not.  I enjoy writing things that  I  want to write about.  Assignments and things like that are another story.  I love writing about things that are on my mind and heart.  Things that inspire me, things that anger or upset me, things that make me laugh, I love writing because I love being able to provide a way for other people to experience things with me.  It is not so much that I am seeking attention or an audience, more that I am seeking to enlighten and show people things that I find interesting.  And even more unbelievable than my loving of writing, I am beginning to enjoy reading more and more.  This one, I will blame on Lauren Leuschner, but I still don't think that is fair.  I have always enjoyed reading a good book.  I just don't have time or make time to do it, but when I do, and its a book I enjoy, I have never regretted the time.  In particular, I love those like Christian self-help books.  Inspirational books?  Christian nonfiction?  Whatever you call them, I love them.  It secretly excites me when someone recommends one to me that sounds interesting or that they found interesting.  These books also make for great ideas to put into blogs.  Right now the book that I am in is called Connect the Dots, by Mike Hurt.  I am reading it for the young adult group in my church.  It is a short book but I already learned a few things that should have been so obvious but I always missed.  But, I'll save those details for a later post.

Sixthly, and finally, I have found a reason.  The reason, of course, can be found in the url (website) of my blog, Desperate to Glow.  Some time back I heard of the concept of glowing from somewhere.  I do not even  remember where, but it struck a chord.  You know, that chord in your heart that makes your eyes open a little wider, that makes your head lift up a little bit higher to hear more clearly?  The words that snap you back into focus during a chapel that just seem to speak to you for some reason?  For me it was the concept of glowing.  I knew immediately that I wanted to glow.  Before I say more, let me show you where it comes from in the Bible.

The Radiant Face of Moses

 ²⁹ When Moses came down from Mount Sinai with the two tablets of the Testimony in his hands, he was not aware that his face was radiant because he had spoken with the LORD. ³⁰ When Aaron and all the Israelites saw Moses, his face was radiant, and they were afraid to come near him. ³¹But Moses called to them; so Aaron and all the leaders of the community came back to him, and he spoke to them. ³² Afterward all the Israelites came near him, and he gave them all the commands the LORD had given him on Mount Sinai.

 ³³ When Moses finished speaking to them, he put a veil over his face. ³⁴ But whenever he entered the LORD's presence to speak with him, he removed the veil until he came out. And when he came out and told the Israelites what he had been commanded, ³⁵ they saw that his face was radiant. Then Moses would put the veil back over his face until he went in to speak with the LORD.                    ~Exodus 34:29-40 NIV

Here we see that Moses was so close to God, that he was literally glowing.  His face shown so brightly that the people could not stand it and he had to cover himself.  I do not want to cover or hide myself, but I do want what Moses had.  I want to be able to be so close to God that when people look at me they see me glowing.  They see me as radiant in a way they can't explain.  I want to be in such communication, fellowship, and proximity with God that I glow.  This is how to become a man of God, (or woman) this is want I desire and long for.  This is what has caused me to be. . . desperate to glow.

P.S.  Thank you for reading.  I am that I have interested you in my life and with what I am to discover.  I plan on making this summer full of spiritual growth despite the hardships of being consumed with the summer life away from the IWU bubble.  I will try to post as regularly, interestingly, inspirationally, and excitingly as possible.  But please remember, that despite enjoying writing, I am a Computer Science major, so if there are grammar and spelling mistakes forgive me.  Many times I may be writing with a heart full of excitement trying to get my thoughts out and there will be too much to really take the time to fully edit.  If I ever turn my blog into a book I promise to edit it more.  But for now, enjoy and let me know what you think of this first post!

P.S.S GAH! My favorite internet browser, Opera, just did something horrible. It doesn't work right with blogger, (at least my version doesn't) and I ended up accidentally losing the original first post. So this is actually partially redone... o_O  

Your brother, friend, and companion in Christ,

Zachary Haas