Dear God

I know that we are not really supposed to ask why. But I really can't think of anything else to say. Perhaps instead of asking why and putting your immaculate name into question, I'll ask what. God, what are you doing? Has our family still not been through enough? Is there still more that we must go through? What more is there that can happen?

God, 6-8 years ago our father was injured an unable to work for years. We struggled and fought the court rooms. We nearly lost everything and were relying on the government, church and friends to get through. Lord, then you blessed us with a court settlement, after we had given up on it and moved on, of 250,000. Were we not respectful with this money and gave 25,000 to the church? We didn't waste the money, unless catching up on years of debt is waste. Is it not against your will to live in debt? So why again God? What is the reason for the recent injury? He loves the job that he is at for once. He is able to be home and make a reasonable income. Now we are struggling beyond belief and making sacrifices. First was cable, next is internet and cell phones. God I understand that these are not necessities for the most part, and that we can live without them but this is only the start. If only money were the issue things would be bad, but not so bad. And still God we are trying to keep out faith in you.

Lord, the situation with my sister is unfathomable. It is depressing enough to imagine a 16 year old girl raising a baby in this day and age. But now she thinks that she has everything figured out. She is moving away to the opposite side of the country to live with her “boyfriend” who probably couldn't care less about her in reality. The poor baby is going with them and is going to have to live in that situation. Gd this is producing so much stress, mixed with the lack of income. And still we are trying to keep our faith in you.

God the biggest thing now is the small stuff. Are not the big things enough to test us? Have we not already been tested enough? We are at risk of losing the house if Dad doesn't go back to work soon. I saw my parents growing closer through the pool. They were really enjoying themselves and swimming near daily. This was not only something fun for them but healthy. Now it has a crack in it a leaking. What was this for? Then, one of the cars gets a cracked windshield and the other an oil leak. What are these for? How much more faith do we need to show? How much more testing can we take?

God my mom is stressed beyond belief. And I think that my Dad is close to it, though he is better at hiding it. They are nearing desperation. God I personally am doing all right. But then again, my life is mostly good. I have the scholarships I need, the grades are fine, and I have an amazing girlfriend that brings me joy despite being in Spain. But I worry about my parents. They are struggling and are starting to do things just to make it to the next day without near insanity. These mild joys and entertainments cannot sustain them long. God, my family is falling apart around me and there is nothing I can do. Nothing I can do but continue to pray to you. But why have you fallen silent on our household? How can I find answers from you in other parts of my life while my own families house falls apart? God, please show us what you are doing. Show us your power, your will and your reason. I honestly don't know how much more our family can take. We are a broken people who have nothing left but you or hopelessness. Lord God, please save us from certain hopelessness. We are desperate to make it with you, let alone glow through you.

Your friend, brother, and servant Lord,

-Zachary Haas

P.S. Please pray passionately for my family. These trials are tremendous and are becoming more difficult nearly hourly. Thank you.