Today was the second day that I have started working full time. I recently found out that I am going to be making $11 an hour. This is $1.25 more than I was making last year, I was thinking that I would be quite happy with $10.50! Praise the Lord. I think that I actually got a little sick at my sisters graduation party from being in the chlorine to much. Also, I have been seeing an incredible amount of sun the past 4 days and my body is not used to it at all.
My sister moves away in 1 week. This is crazy. I am slightly annoyed by her because she is the youngest in our family and is doing everything first. Having a baby, moving out, likely getting married first. Part of me honestly feels like some of my birthright was taken away. I have a younger grandmother that we call granny. I always wanted to be able to make her Great-Granny. (I forgot I had an older cousin that beat me to it, but I could have been the first in my family) Its very hard to not view my sister as completely stupid -- even right now. I have no idea what she is thinking. She is driven by obsession with a boy. I heard a Taylor Swift song the other day that made me think of her. It was called Fifteen. Now my sister will be 18 in a month and is essentially running away from home. There's nothing anyone can do to stop her, and she already has a plane ticket. The poor baby... my poor parents.
I feel most bad for my parents. Sure they aren't perfect, but they do try. They do love us and they work hard to give us good lives. They have three children. And really, I worry that I am there only real hope, especially by society standards. My sister is a contributor to teenage pregnancy who is running away Florida to be with a lazy good for nothing boy who probably doesn't really care much about her. But she thinks she knows what love is and is too blind to see him as anything but amazing. My brother is a college dropout after one semester of school. He constantly has a new girlfriend that has some kind of problem or trouble, generally in the emotional department. He's an overweight hypochondriac who works at a theme part 50 hours a week for not much over minimum wage. He doesn't really have a whole lot of skills elsewhere except for a waning love of children.
Then theres me. The good kid. The last chance and last hope. But wait... thats not right... I am the first born. How am I the last hope? I should have been the first success. Instead, I am the hope for the family. I was the one with nearly straight A's, the record breaking runner in high school, the president of the youth group, the child who went on a missions trip to Nicaragua, the kid going to a Christian university pulling decent enough grades, having a reasonable paying job thats relatively fun each summer. I am in the best shape, I have a great girlfriend that loves her family more than anything in the world and lacks emotional problems, I have all the potential. I am the one left to make my family look good. I am the one that makes my parents look like they get the credibility they deserver.
I hate fathers day. To me it is the biggest guilt trip of the year. I always feel like my dad worries he wasn't good enough. That he blames himself. That he didn't raise us well enough and give us good enough lives. My dad never took us fishing, or biking. We very very rarely went hiking and camping through my entire childhood. He almost never (until I spent time with him traveling for college visits) spent time with us one on one or played catch showed us how to work on cars. He never helped us build a treehouse or build anything for that matter. My dad never spent time in close devotion with us or teaching us about God, heck, I am probably part of the reason he started going to church (My dad is certainly a man of God now). My dad never really spent time teaching me anything. Am I bitter? Am I resentful? Do I wish I had a different, better, more intimate father?
Absolutely NOT. I have learned more from my parents than I have learned from any other source combined. They are very different that most parents. Our idea of fun was more going to the lake to swim, going to a theme park, going to the drive-in movies, or playing video games. Some of my best times with my father was watching him play creepy games like Resident Evil or Eternal Darkness. Anyone who says that video games cannot bring a family together does not know my family and are ignorant about video games. My parents are very different than most parents. My parents, my dad, never did the stereotypical things that great fathers do. But I would never say he was a bad father. Our dad wasn't the best at showing his love, but there is no doubt. He is a hard worker and provider. This is his way of showing his love. Does he regret working long hours for most of our childhood? Yes. Thats why he tells me to go to school so I can make money and work only 40 hours a week instead of 70. Physical touch is not something that is big in my family. If I tried to go give my dad a hug it would be one of the most awkward things ever. But I do not doubt that he cares for us. I don't need that perfect stereotype dad. I may love being outdoors, being active, and playing sports, but I also enjoy the things my dad did provide for us growing up. I was blessed with a friends father for the outdoor adventures.
I have learned so much from my family. I do not regret growing up with my parents, and I would not want to change to different parents and relive my life either. My family has taught me the value of practicality and reason. My dad is by far not the smartest man in the world. If anything he has a learning and reading disability. But that man has more common sense than most people I have met. I have learned that there are things in life that are more important than getting good grades and being smart. Being intelligent is important, but in my family we were raised to believe that common sense and practicality are equally if not more important. We often joke about "smart" people that we know in my house. Smart people meaning people who get straight A's and Valedictorians, and people that are just smart. We look at them and see how un-smart they really are when it comes to common sense. Being booksmart and passing tests does not make you a smart person. I know plenty of people that can pass a test and get straight A's that I would call incredibly stupid. My family has taught me so much about life. The way I look at life, the way I reason. I do not see things the same way as many people see them. I see things for what they are worth. I see the practicality in things. For example, expensive things to me are often ridiculous. When I look at sports cars I think of how ridiculous and pointless they are. There are some exceptions, like the Subaru WRX STI, which is a practical sports car. I'll take a $24,000 Subaru over a $70,000 Corvette any day. Actually, I'd take the Vette, sell it, buy a Subaru and put $46,000 in the bank. I was raised to see things for what they are truly worth, not what the world says they are worth.
I do not mind or see it as a bad thing or problem that I place a higher value on common sense than education. I believe there are two forms of intelligence, both of which are important. The first form is the education form. People in this form see knowledge of topics as very important. They see that succeeded in education leads to happiness and wealth. Generally people that do well in school do well in their career, family and life. To them schooling is important and shows your worth. The second form of intelligence is the practicality form. People in this form see common sense and application as very important. To them education is a piece of paper that says you can memorize a bunch of stuff and spit it back out. Generally people that know about life and how to deal and adapt to ever situation leads to a successful career, family, and life. To them, the ability to know how to live, how to adapt, and how to work hard using your instinct shows your worth. People in the first form use their acquired knowledge to succeeded and make decisions, where as people in the second form use their instinct and experience (and other people's experience) to make decisions. I and my family lean towards the second form. My girlfriend and her family lean towards the first, interesting eh? However, in order to avoid being ignorant and completely foolish a truly wise person knows both. I think everyone leans one way or another. I lean towards practicality and reasoning, however, I highly respect, value, and see the reasoning behind the other. I believe that a wise person develops skills in both areas. This is why I am able to value my girlfriends tendency to lean towards education and knowledge, especially because I know that she understands the value behind practicality and reason. I know that staying in school and getting good grades is a very practical and reasonable thing. I see its use and value for what its worth. However, I also see its problems.
Really quick example of a problem with education. Education puts under qualified people in positions over qualified people. My dad applied for a truck driving job after having driven for years. A young man got the job because he had a college degree in photography. Yea... you can take pictures... so that means you can drive a 6 ton 18 wheeler in the snow and try to park it in a spot 3 feet wider than the truck? Have fun taking pictures of the damage you just did. Another more personal issue. I am going to graduate with a technically better major than my roommate. This means that my piece of paper will say I am better than his piece of paper. However, he has years of experience over me and I am constantly asking for his help! But it is very possible and likely that a company could look at both of us and I would get the job because of that paper. Think about it... would you rather have Bill Gates (a college drop out) look at your computer and fix it, or me whos nearly done with a college degree in computer science? (I know, that last example has a few problems but you get the point)
Point being, I am happy and proud of my father. I do not need a silly day for that. It kills me every year when people are showing all these things that dads do that my dad has never done. I know that it makes him feel inadequate. But just because he is not a stereotypical frosted flakes dad does not mean he is inadequate. I don't need my dad to throw me a baseball, there are machines that can that. I need my dad to teach me how to live in this world, how to reason in this world, how to make intelligent decisions in every situation, how to see things for what they are really worth, and not see them the way they are advertised, how to work hard and raise a family, how to keep a head on your shoulders when your wife is going crazy because of bills, when your daughter is running away, and when your son drops out of college, when you are putting your last hope for a successful (at least in the eyes of most the world) child in your oldest child, when you keep losing a job to injuries and lack of education, and how to still try and be generous and willing when you have so little left to give. These are the things I need my dad to teach me. I need my dad, and I am happy and proud of him. Happy stupid Father's day dad, you're better than frosted flakes dad anyway.
Your friend, brother, and companion in Christ,
-Zachary Haas
P.S. The frosted flakes dad thing is a crack at those dads that you see in commercials playing catch and then running over smiling tackling and hugging their sons. The stereotypical 'perfect' dad that makes great dads look inadequate.
P.S.S. Sorry for writing a book :\
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